Guest Jessica Alba is on the cover of this month's Gentlemen's Quarterly. WEO! She's purdy. And shapely. And she doesn't have much clothes on. As a parent, Dave realizes there is a difference when your daughter poses for this kind of photo spread . . . . and if your son poses for this kind of photo spread. Dave admires the cover shot of Jessica Alba a bit more.
Dave talks about the lovely spring weather we had today here in New York City. Dave then asks, "Let me ask you a question? Are the crocuses up?" Paul, referring back to the Jessica Alba GQ cover, says, "Mine is."

To get the show rolling, Dave introduces,
A MESSAGE FROM ROBERT BLAKE - He's out. He's free. He's got something to say.
- "I'm the most / insane / person you will ever meet."

An announcement has come from the British Royal Family concerning the upcoming marriage between Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles. We take a listen.

"Much has been made over what title Camilla Parker Bowles will receive once Prince Charles assumes the throne. Yesterday, Britain's Constitutional Affairs minister resolved the issue once and for all by announcing the following: When Elizabeth II's reign comes to a close, Ms. Bowles will be referred to as 'Queen.' And as per his request, Prince Charles will be called 'Queen' as well. Prince Charles -- gay as a cucumber sandwich."

"Would you favor a universal testing of the highest standard -- the Olympic standard -- for all athletics, regardless of where they are and regardless of what level of schooling that they're in, and regardless of what sex is involved, whether it's male, female or otherwise?"

ABC has a new exciting police drama their promoting and it looks like a "don't wanna miss." Did you see their most recent promo?

"Tonight, on 'Blind Justice': Detective Dunbar shows up for work 45 minutes late because he can't find his shoes.'Blind Justice' -- only on ABC"

And it's another MESSAGE FROM ROBERT BLAKE:
- "It's weird. / I love / killing / people."

And he was found not guilty!? He just said he loves killing people!

TOP TEN: Signs You've Hired a Bad Easter Bunny - Last weekend in Council Bluffs, Iowa, a mall Easter Bunny was arrested for harassment for threatening one adult and "getting in the face" of another.
The article I found explaining the Easter Bunny story included the phrase, "getting in the face." It created an amusing mental picture to me so I added that to the blue card information. I hoped it would do the same for Dave. I think it did.
#6. For an extra 20 bucks, parents can buy an ounce of his special "Easter Grass."
#5. Only gives the kids candy after they attend his presentation on time-share condos.

JESSICA ALBA: What did her dad think of the GQ spread? She warned him by phone about it, telling him "I sort of did this naked cover shot." Her dad eventually saw it. His response: "It was a lost worse than I thought." I have a feeling this month's GQ sales just went up. Thanks, dad.
Jessica recently spent some time in Honduras and Costa Rica with Cameron Diaz shooting a show for MTV called "Trippin.'" It was beautiful, dangerous, and exciting. The rats are a big as dogs. In New York City, the dogs are as big as rats. Cameron was bitten by a pink boa. She'll be OK.
In Jessica's new film, "Sin City," Jessica plays an exotic dancer who knows how to work a lasso. An exotic dancer? With a lasso? Hmmm, every man's dream. Dave asks, "What's the rope like?" Jessica says "it's stiff but a little bit soft." DING DING DING! WE HAVE A WINNER!
We have a lasso for Jessica to show us what she's learned from the movie. Dave and Jessica walk to the stage as Jessica begins to twirl the lasso over her head. She will lasso Dave. As she twirls, she steps closer and closer to Dave. She then lassos Dave. Dave is a bit disappointed, pointing out, "You more or less draped it over me." Dave adds, "Not exactly Casey Tibbs." I laughed even though I never heard of Casey Tibbs. I guess I laughed because Dave knew who Casey Tibbs is, and kept it in his back pocket for a day when he could use it. That time could be one day later or it could be 20 years down the road. He knew Casey Tibbs could someday be used as a humorous reference.
We see a clip from "Sin City" The clip from the movie looked like a beer commercial. It opens April 1st.

Back from commercial, Dave says he was a little disappointed in the lasso rope trick. Paul says for an exotic dancer, the distance was fine. If she intended to rope a calf, it was a little short.

BRIAN GREENE: Oh, man, I hope you watched this because there isn't much I can translate. His String Theory breaks down matter to atoms, to neutrons and protons, to quarks. That is where most science stops. String Theory takes it one step further, finding something even smaller than quarks, breaking it down to fine filaments or stings. These vibrating strings are from what everything comes.
He then explains how the Laws of Quantum Physics and Einstein's Theory of Gravity are sometimes at odds. String Theory brings them together, unifying the two.
And then . . . oh, never mind. I can't even fake it. It's guests like Brian Greene who really magnify how much I don't know. Some guests make me feel as if I know a lot. Brian Greene makes me feel like a real dumb.
Brian Greene's new book, "The Fabric of the Cosmos" is currently #4 on the New York Times Nonfiction Paperback list. My first question about the book would have been, "The Fabric of the Cosmos": This fabric you speak. . . . is it saffron?"

ACT 5:
Alan: "Now it's time for 'Late Show Costume Designer Susan Hum Explains String Theory.'"
Susan: "I don't know anything about the String Theory. Why won't you people leave me alone. If you had a question about it you should have asked that scientist guy. I work with costumes. Leave me the hell alone."
Alan: "Thanks, Susan. I know I learned something.
This has been 'Late Show Costume Designer Susan Hum Explains String Theory.' Keep it real."

QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE: From their brand-new CD, "Lullabies to Paralyze," Queens of the Stone Age performed "Little Sister." Good noise! I liked it.

And that was our show for Tuesday, March 22, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

So who is Casey Tibbs? I Googled. From the website, http://www.fortpierre.com/ctibbs.html

"Casey Duane Tibbs was born March 5, 1929, 50 miles northwest of Fort Pierre, South Dakota. In 1949, at age 19, Casey became the youngest man ever to win the national saddle bronc-riding crown. Between 1949 and 1955, he won a total of six PRCA saddle bronc-riding championships, a record still unchallenged, plus two all-around cowboy championships and one bareback-riding championship.
Casey was one of the founders of the Rodeo Cowboys Association, dedicated to improving the image of cowboys and professional rodeo. Casey has been described as being to rodeo what Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig were to baseball, what Jack Dempsey and Muhammad Ali were to boxing and what Red Grange was to football."

From the March 15th Wahoo Gazette:
"Today's topic for discussion: The 'Our Father' at church - Palms up? Palms not up?

From Anthony Girgenti of Fords, New Jersey:

It's mixed bag of "palms up and palms not up" for the Our Father at Our Lady of Peace Church in Fords, with the palms not up being the majority. My mother, a Sicilian woman named Prudence, is a big fan of the palms not up but I'm just stubborn and rebellious I guess.

"Palms up? Palms not up? 12 years ago when I moved from New York to Minnesota, I found myself in a Catholic archdiocese where you HOLD HANDS during the Lord's Prayer. I thought: "What's this all about?
Have we become Baptists?" I found myself in the odd position of being OK with the Sign of Peace (the handshake), but not OK with the long-duration handhold of the Our Father. But when we moved back East last summer, we found to our relief: there's still NO handholding out here."

"Not palms up --- we started seeing this recently in our church when we had a NET team of youngsters from around the country doing it. It just doesn't seem natural for 18-25 year olds to be "into" church like this. Why aren't they drinking and carousing like they are supposed to be?? Once they were gone so was the palms up fad."

"Our Father"... palms up or down....... I use to always say the Our Father in church with my hands folded. Recently I noticed a lot of people extended their arms and hands out with the palms up... so I thought I would try it... Well, after a few weeks with palms up, I realized during the Our Father I was thinking more of, "How's my nail polish looking?".... "those people in front of me have their fingers straight out, should I?".... "Look at that nice bracelet on that woman.. I'd love a bracelet like that!",... "Wow! nice watch!"....so I realized I wasn't concentrating on the prayer and I'm back to hands folded, looking down.... "

I come from the "no palms up" school. I'm not sure where this came from. I first saw it years ago when vacationing down south. There are a few at my church with the palms up, maybe 15%.

Now please, on Easter Sunday, the most joyous day on the Church calendar, please DO NOT think of the Wahoo Gazette when reciting the Lord's prayer. I repeat, do not think of the Wahoo Gazette. Instead, concentrate on this most holy of prayers when you speak the words. I know it will be hard but, please, when looking at those around you, some with palms up, some with palms not up, please DO NOT THINK OF THE WAHOO GAZETTE WHEN RECITING THE "OUR FATHER" THIS EASTER SUNDAY. Thank you.

So let's see:
Steroids: makes you bigger, stronger, helps you achieve more in high school sports, may create scholarship opportunities, and may lead you to become admired by many. It may also cost you 10 years of your life down the road.
Cigarettes: makes you stink, makes your teeth yellow, blackens your lungs, makes you unwelcome in restaurants.. It may also cost you 10 years of your life down the road.
If high schoolers are willing to smoke cigarettes, they'll be willing to dabble in steroids. They're kids. It's all about now.

THIS DATE IN NHL HOCKEY HISTORY
March 22, 1894 - The very first Stanley Cup game: The Montreal AAA defeat the Ottawa Generals, 3-1.