WORDS I NEVER THOUGHT I’D HEAR FROM MIKE WALLACE – From Sunday’s 60 Minutes interview with Jose Canseco. Mike Wallace says, “Butt muscle.” I watched the interview. I knew I would be seeing that quote again. “Butt muscle.”

GEORGE W. BUSH SAVING SOCIAL SECURITY: From a February 3rd speech in North Dakota.

“It’s an interesting idea to make sure the Social Security beneficiaries of the future get as close to that which the government has possible. . . uhh . . . has guaranteed as possible . . . uhh . . .has promised as possible. . . .”

BOB BORDEN IN THE POCONOS – Bob is a 9-year vet at the LATE SHOW and is the current writer’s assistant. Dave was right when he said everyone likes Bob and he is indeed an asset to the show. Bob used to do quite a few remotes on the show and hopefully this marks his return. What does Bob have for us tonight? Bob spent the Valentine’s Day weekend at Caesar’s Cove Haven Resort in the Poconos, Pennsylvania and this is his report.

Bob asking “What is love?” He gets a bit excited over the “physical” kind.
Playgirl Magazine.
Fun in the heart-shaped tub.
Playing basketball in the champagne glass tub.
Snowmobiling.
Snow tubing.
Bob pointing out the big stars who perform at the Caesars.
There’s Bowzer. There’s Carrot Top. And there’s Jay Leno.
Ever get freaky in the heart-shaped tub?
Newlywed Trivia Game.
A romantic hug – “She said ‘no.’”
And Bob performs some AC/DC with “Something Else.”

Bob Borden – He’s Back! If you want to read more about Bob’s trip to the Poconos, I’m sure there’s something on his site at www.bobborden.com – It’s all Bob All The Time . . . . but don’t let that stop you.

KID SCIENTISTS – It’s Science Professor Lee Marek’s students from Naperville, Illinois here to teach us all about science.

1. Charlie Tschirhart; a 6th grader – His hobbies include fishing and theater. Charlie seems like a good kid, one who can take a ribbing from the best. Dave mistakenly calls him Larry and Charlie corrects him. Dave asks about Charlie’s safety glasses; “Are they safety glasses or are your parents playing a joke on you?”

Charlie is wearing a shirt that has the name Fermi on it. If you want to learn more about Fermi, look it up on Google. You’ll be much better off than if I tried to explain it here. Dave and Charlie talk about a linear accelerator. So what does Charlie have for us?

He’s going to explain exothermic reaction by the use of an ethanol cannon. Charlie has a 3-foot PVD tube facing the audience. He has a nerf ball stuffed into the end. Into the other end, he sprays some aerosol spray. He then caps it. He then lights a fuse and within seconds the nerf ball explodes out of the tube like a cannon. I’m not sure what was being demonstrated here but it was way cool.

2. Robin Peterson; a 9th grader – She will demonstrate nucleation sites and ultrasonic soda pop. She has two 2-liter bottles of soda pop. Along side is an ultrasonic cleaner big enough to hold both bottles. “What is an ultrasonic cleaner used for?” Dave asks. Robin says it is often used to clean dentures and stuff. Ha! As if Dave didn’t know. The ultrasonic cleaner when activated will create nucleation sites. Robin and Dave remove the caps of the soda bottles and replace them with caps with small holes in the top. They place the bottles into the ultrasonic cleaner and within seconds the soda explodes through the small holes in the caps. The soda shoots at least 15 feet into the air. Very cool. I’m not sure what was being demonstrated here but it was way cool.

Dave goes back to teasing Charlie and says, “What do you think of your little sponge gun now?”

It was fun watching Dave’s reaction to the soda exploding out of the bottles. Dave ran to the back of the stage, followed by Charlie. It sort of reminded me of George Costanza reacting to a small kitchen fire at a children’s birthday party.

3. Michelle Ikoma – an 8th grader – She has for us a CO2 rocket. Dave will sit on a homemade go-cart, energized by a fire-extinguisher. Dave sits on a milk crate for a chair, and with the hose of the fire extinguisher facing to the back, Dave turn it on and the force of the extinguisher will propel the go-cart forward. This will be an example of Newton’s Third Law. Dave brightens and says, “Oh, Newton’s Third Law - objects in motion tend to stay in motion.” Michelle corrects Dave, “No, that’s Newton’s First Law of Motion. Newton’s Third Law is every action has an opposite and equal reaction. Dave gets on the cart but before he starts the contraption, Michelle warns, “Be careful. There are no brakes and no steering.” Now she tells him. Dave is ready to go. He presses the extinguisher and off he goes across the stage. Success. Long time Dave Letterman viewers will recall his first doing this on Late Night a million years ago. Don’t blame the kid scientist, though. She wasn’t born yet.

And that was Kid Scientists.

KEANU REEVES: Dressed in all black. He’s in the demon-filled Constantine. It opens on Friday. He also recently received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Did Keanu ever do scientific experiments when he was a kid? He says he has, that is if you include blowing up little toy army men as a scientific experiment.

He says it was fun getting his Star on the Walk of Fame. It made his mom really proud and it was fun to have his friends around to celebrate. And Keanu reached another milestone a few months ago . . . . he turned 40. He’s not too happy about that, but just wait until he hits 50. 40 will looks great!

Keanu is a bit of the motorcycle fan and one of his favorite things to do is to ride around Wall Street here in New York City around 4:00 in the morning. The cavernous, canyon-like setting in the empty streets allows him to go fast and to go loud. Wall Street is busy and very active during daylight hours. After nightfall, it becomes a near ghost town.

We see a clip from Constantine and yes, it does appear to be filled with demons as Dave described. It opens Friday.

ACT 5:

“And now it’s time for the Locked-Out NHL Player of the Night, sponsored by Castrol --- engineered for today’s smaller cars.
Tonight’s Locked-Out NHL player is the Tampa Bay Lightning’s Dave Andreychuk. Dave was born September 29, 1963. He’s a right-handed left-wing with a career history of 1,320 points scored. And he was hoping to add a breakfast nook to his kitchen in 2005. Better luck next year, Dave.
This has been the Locked-Out NHL Player of the Night, sponsored by Castrol --- engineered for today’s smaller cars. Thanks for watching, and drive safely.”

And that was our show for Tuesday February 15, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

In tonight’s 3rd Kid Scientist demonstration, we witnessed Newton’s 3rd Law of Motion. Dave incorrectly thought it would demonstrate Newton’s 1st Law.

Newton's First Law of Motion:
I. Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.

This is Newton’s 3rd Law.
Newton's Third Law of Motion:
III. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

I think most of us are familiar with Law #1 and Law #2. Of course, we are now all asking ourselves, “What is Newton’s 2nd Law of Motion?

This is Newton’s 2nd Law of Motion.
Newton's Second Law of Motion:
II. The relationship between an object's mass m, its acceleration a, and the applied force F is F = ma. Acceleration and force are vectors (as indicated by their symbols being displayed in slant bold font); in this law the direction of the force vector is the same as the direction of the acceleration vector.

Hmmm. I’m sure Newton’s 2nd Law of Motion is to be valued and worthy of our understanding, but for some reason we haven’t quite learned to appreciate its importance as much as the other two. Newton’s Second Law needs a good PR guy to get its message out. The Holy Spirit has a similar problem.

It’s a new feature here at the Wahoo Gazette. It’s something I call, “Last Night On Full House.” My girls are big big fans of the Full House, watching the two episodes on NICK every night. For Valentine’s Day, I got them the full first season on DVD. They loved it. I’m gold for a couple weeks now.

Last night Joey Gladstone opened for Wayne Newton in Vegas. It was his first time performing in Las Vegas. It was also the first time his father ever saw his stand-up act. It became very emotional at the end of the program. Joey did a great piece of stand-up and was personally thanked by Wayne Newton himself. I explained to my girls who Wayne Newton is and how much I love "Danke Shoen." I promised them that when they woke Wednesday morning, I would have Wayne Newton’s “Danke Shoen” playing on the record player. After Full House, I put them to bed and went through my albums in search of my Wayne Newton’s Greatest Hits album. I soon found it under “Easy Listening” and sure enough, song 1 on side 1 was “Danke Shoen.” I played it for the girls Wednesday morning and they liked it! I’m going to print out the lyrics tonight and we’ll learn the words this weekend. This concludes the debut of the Wahoo Gazette’s “Last Night on Full House.”

I was driving in to work this morning and I begin wondering, “Does a fan of NASCAR look at Indy Racing the way an American League baseball fan looks at the National League, or is it more like a baseball fan looking at, say, basketball?”

NASCAR and Indy Racing – same sport, different leagues? Or are they two different sports altogether?

Do you know how some grocery products have a “born on” date, or “must be sold by” date? I think the same should be put on computer equipment. With technology changing so quickly, most consumers don’t realize the new stuff they’re buying is old.
This has been a Wahoo Gazette PSA.

I read this in today’s New York Daily News regarding the rampant use of steroids in baseball. I thought it a poor choice of words.

“Major League Baseball and the Players Association agreed to a beefed-up testing policy earlier this year.”

I’ll be glad to see “The Gates” leave town, for no other reason than to finally get Donavan’s “Mellow Yellow” from banging around in my head.

I’ll be visiting “The Gates” on Friday and I’ll let you know of my experience. Hopefully it’ll have a happier ending than my trip last week to the DMV.

All kidding aside, I will make my trip to “The Gates” with an open mind. I could go either way and I won’t know till I see it in person. So far around here among staff members, the “ooohs and ahhhs” are about equal with the “ugghhs and yechhs.”