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			Saturday, March 05, 2005 Show #2331
			By Michael Z. McIntee	Change Text Color: Black \| White


	Bruce Willis; and Greg Giraldo. PLUS: The Week In Review; Will It Float; and a Top Ten list. THE WEEK IN REVIEW - Many hockey fans are disappointed about the cancellation of the hockey season. To try to make it easier for you folks, tonight in our green room we have a real-live hockey brawl. We cut to the green room to find two New York Rangers fighting with two New Jersey Devils. What was the fight about? I don't know, but I bet it had to do with there being only one cookie left. - Christo's art installation "The Gates" in Central Park has been removed but the impact of this bold project is still being felt around the world. Did you see what was on CNN on Monday? It's Osama: "'The Gates.' I love it. Christo, you're a genius! Any time you and Jeanne-Claude want to do an installation in the mountainous border region of Pakistan, I'm totally on board! Call me! Oh, and death to America." You know, if it weren't for these Osama pieces on the Late Show, you would never hear about the guy. It's just our way of reminding you that he is still out there having fun on the weekends, playing croquet with friends, eating, drinking, and enjoying life. -Christo's art installation of "The Gates" can still be enjoyed even though they are no longer standing in the Park. Art lovers can still catch a glimpse of the spectacle if they know where to look. We cut to a clip of a garbage truck driving down 53rd Street. Out the back are the remains of one of the Gates. -Vioxx was recalled a few months ago but now it's back on the market . . . . with a new warning label. Dave turns the bottle to the camera so we can read the label: "Warning: Do Not Use." -The Michael Jackson jury has been selected and they've already come to a decision: "Michael Jackson is one creepy bastard." -Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin said his country will not take part in the United States Missile Defense Shield. Fine. But the Pentagon created a computer simulation of what just might happen due to this decision. We see a map of the U.S. and Canada. A defense shield covers the U.S. Nothing covers Canada. A missile hits the U.S. shield, bounces off, and explodes Canada to smithereens. It's your decision, Canada. -The blast of cold weather here in New York is making everybody seek shelter. This is what Dave saw this morning. Cut to 4 mailman in a circle. They are in front of a campfire fueled by mail and circulars. -The FBI has been looking for the guy who hacked into Paris Hilton's sidekick and stole personal information. With that, we decided to introduce a new segment, entitled, "Biff Henderson Reads Entries from Paris Hilton's Sidekick." Biff: "Here's one from September: Take private plane to Vegas. This one is from October: Meet the Magic Tan representative. And here's one from this past Friday: Last night was the most incredible night of my life. My God, you are amazing. I have to see you again, Biff. Call me." -A nude restaurant has opened in New York. Our announcer Alan Kalter paid a visit. Not surprisingly, Alan bought along a video camera to record the event. We see a naked Alan talking to someone off camera. "When I heard about this all-nude restaurant, I had to check it out. But it was like a 20-minute wait, so I said 'Screw that!' And then I stumbled on this place." As Alan explains, the camera widens to reveal it is a regular restaurant filled with fully-clothed diners and staff. Yikes! They were stunned motionless! It almost seemed as if Alan was seated in front of a chroma still-shot of a restaurant scene. But no, they were live actors whose reaction was . . . was . . . . minimal. If you watch real close, you can see one of them blink. And that was the Week in Review. WILL IT FLOAT? Tonight's item: a box of wine. A 5-litre plastic container of wine housed in a cardboard box. Ahhh, nothing but the best. Dave and Paul both agree it will float. The models drop the item and it . . . . floats! TOP TEN: Things Martha Stewart Will Miss About Prison #10. Waking to the plaintive cries of a freshly shivved snitch. "Or a snivved schitz. Can you say that? Snivved Schitz?" Of course you can. If not, then Ira Lipschitz really has a problem on his hands. #7. Early lights-out gives you time to think about how much more money you have than everyone else. #1. Conjugal visits from Letterman. BRUCE WILLIS: Wearing all orange. He found some leftover orange material in the Park and decided to use it and make it into a suit. His buddy Larry Huang sewed it up and put it together. It looks to be a nice fit. Dave admires, "Not everybody can wear safety orange." The suit really is a babe/chick magnet. It draws in the babes. Bruce has someone with him in the green room who latched on to his saffroned suit. We see the lady in the green room and it looks like Jeanne-Claude, looks like Bruce Willis in an orange wig, it really looks like an aged Lucille Ball. What else is Bruce working on? He's tired how so many of today's stars are caught with their pants down in one of those sex tapes on video and then sold illegally; "Pirated," I think the kids say. So Bruce decided to beat them to it. He's releasing his own sex tapes entitled, "Bruce Willis's Private Sex Videos." DVD's include: -"Passion of the Bruce" -"Die Hard with a Flight Attendant" -"SpongeBruce NoPants" -"Sideways" Bruce recently celebrated a milestone birthday; his 50th. Big shindig. Rented out the state of Nevada. Invited everybody. He's also starring in the action thriller, "Hostage." A surprise to many, this is the first movie Bruce has been in that's been titled, "Hostage." Some think everyone of Bruce's films is titled "Hostage." They would be wrong. On a more serious note, Bruce is actively involved in adoption and foster care awareness. He's the National Spokesperson for the Children in Foster Care. The organization encourages and educates people about the problems with the foster care system in this country. It needs to be brought into the 21st Century. Files are still hand-written. It needs to be computerized. ACT 5: Here are the results of the latest Late Show Insta-Poll. 44% of you said March came in like a lion. 30% of you said March came in like a lamb. And 26% of you said March came in like a monkey! Keep those text messages coming, America, and stay tuned for the next Late Show Insta-Poll. GREG GIRALDO: A very funny man. He appears regularly at the Comedy Cellar right here in New York City. I enjoyed his take on a guy begging for money on the street. Greg says he thought of giving him a few bucks then considered, "Hey, he's just gonna use it to buy alcohol." Greg then realized that he was going to do the same thing. Discusses animal-borne virus and Osama. And he talks about love, finding your soul mate, and Siegfried and Roy. And he discusses a recent disagreement with his wife, a common argument we've all had. And that was our show for Friday, March 4, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA! Have you been reading about this guy Steve Fossett who flew around the world, solo, non-stop? He's the first to ever do it. But then Wahoo reader Kathy Hansen of Fort Worth, Texas thought otherwise. "So they say Steve Fossett is the first person to fly solo non-stop around the Earth? Funny, I thought John Glenn did that 43 years ago in Friendship 7. In fact, he went around three times and it only took him 4 hours, 55 minutes, and 23 seconds!" Ahh, yes. It's sharpies like this that make doing the Wahoo Gazette almost worth doing. Very good, Kathy. I'll be using this point myself when the subject comes up. It's time once again for Wahoo Gazette USELESS FACTS, found at www.pmbc.com. -the "L.L." in L.L. Bean stands for Leon Leonwood. -The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket -The saying "it's so cold out there it could freeze the balls off a brass monkey" came from when they had old cannons like ones used in the Civil War. The cannonballs were stacked in a pyramid formation, called a brass monkey. When it got extremely cold outside they would crack and break off . . . . thus, the saying. -To "testify" was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles. -Ever think you're hearing something in a song, but they're really singing something else? The word for mis-heard lyrics is "mondegreen" and it comes from a folk song in the '50s. The singer was actually singing "They slew the Earl of Morray and laid him on the green" but this came off sounding like "They slew the Earl of Morray and Lady Mondegreen." -The raised reflective dots in the middle of highways are called Botts dots. THIS DATE IN NHL HOCKEY HISTORY March 4, 1941 - The Chicago Black Hawks goalie Samuel LoPresti stops a record 80 of 83 Boston shots NEXT WEEK'S PREVIOUSLY VIEWED LATE SHOW PROGRAMS MONDAY: March 7: From 2/10/05; Show #2316 - Billy Crystal; Patrick Lawler; and Shecky in the ACT 5 TUESDAY: March 8: From 2/23/05; Show #2325 - Michael J. Fox and Amanda Bynes; plus Charts and Graphs. WEDNESDAY: March 9: From 2/11/05; Show #2317 - Paris Hilton and Bill Burr; plus a top ten with 10 divorce attorneys THURSDAY: March 10: From 2/7/05; Show #2313 - Will Smith and Tom Brady; Biff's Super Bowl remote and a fiery stuntman off the roof of the Ed Sullivan theater FRIDAY: March 11: From 2/15/05; Show #2319 - Kid Scientists; Keanu Reeves; Michael Buble; plus Bob Borden in the Poconos. See y'all in a week. Bruce Willis; and Greg Giraldo. PLUS: The Week In Review; Will It Float; and a Top Ten list. THE WEEK IN REVIEW - Many hockey fans are disappointed about the cancellation of the hockey season. To try to make it easier for you folks, tonight in our green room we have a real-live hockey brawl. We cut to the green room to find two New York Rangers fighting with two New Jersey Devils. What was the fight about? I don't know, but I bet it had to do with there being only one cookie left. - Christo's art installation "The Gates" in Central Park has been removed but the impact of this bold project is still being felt around the world. Did you see what was on CNN on Monday? It's Osama: "'The Gates.' I love it. Christo, you're a genius! Any time you and Jeanne-Claude want to do an installation in the mountainous border region of Pakistan, I'm totally on board! Call me! Oh, and death to America." You know, if it weren't for these Osama pieces on the Late Show, you would never hear about the guy. It's just our way of reminding you that he is still out there having fun on the weekends, playing croquet with friends, eating, drinking, and enjoying life. -Christo's art installation of "The Gates" can still be enjoyed even though they are no longer standing in the Park. Art lovers can still catch a glimpse of the spectacle if they know where to look. We cut to a clip of a garbage truck driving down 53rd Street. Out the back are the remains of one of the Gates. -Vioxx was recalled a few months ago but now it's back on the market . . . . with a new warning label. Dave turns the bottle to the camera so we can read the label: "Warning: Do Not Use." -The Michael Jackson jury has been selected and they've already come to a decision: "Michael Jackson is one creepy bastard." -Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin said his country will not take part in the United States Missile Defense Shield. Fine. But the Pentagon created a computer simulation of what just might happen due to this decision. We see a map of the U.S. and Canada. A defense shield covers the U.S. Nothing covers Canada. A missile hits the U.S. shield, bounces off, and explodes Canada to smithereens. It's your decision, Canada. -The blast of cold weather here in New York is making everybody seek shelter. This is what Dave saw this morning. Cut to 4 mailman in a circle. They are in front of a campfire fueled by mail and circulars. -The FBI has been looking for the guy who hacked into Paris Hilton's sidekick and stole personal information. With that, we decided to introduce a new segment, entitled, "Biff Henderson Reads Entries from Paris Hilton's Sidekick." Biff: "Here's one from September: Take private plane to Vegas. This one is from October: Meet the Magic Tan representative. And here's one from this past Friday: Last night was the most incredible night of my life. My God, you are amazing. I have to see you again, Biff. Call me." -A nude restaurant has opened in New York. Our announcer Alan Kalter paid a visit. Not surprisingly, Alan bought along a video camera to record the event. We see a naked Alan talking to someone off camera. "When I heard about this all-nude restaurant, I had to check it out. But it was like a 20-minute wait, so I said 'Screw that!' And then I stumbled on this place." As Alan explains, the camera widens to reveal it is a regular restaurant filled with fully-clothed diners and staff. Yikes! They were stunned motionless! It almost seemed as if Alan was seated in front of a chroma still-shot of a restaurant scene. But no, they were live actors whose reaction was . . . was . . . . minimal. If you watch real close, you can see one of them blink. And that was the Week in Review. WILL IT FLOAT? Tonight's item: a box of wine. A 5-litre plastic container of wine housed in a cardboard box. Ahhh, nothing but the best. Dave and Paul both agree it will float. The models drop the item and it . . . . floats! TOP TEN: Things Martha Stewart Will Miss About Prison #10. Waking to the plaintive cries of a freshly shivved snitch. "Or a snivved schitz. Can you say that? Snivved Schitz?" Of course you can. If not, then Ira Lipschitz really has a problem on his hands. #7. Early lights-out gives you time to think about how much more money you have than everyone else. #1. Conjugal visits from Letterman. BRUCE WILLIS: Wearing all orange. He found some leftover orange material in the Park and decided to use it and make it into a suit. His buddy Larry Huang sewed it up and put it together. It looks to be a nice fit. Dave admires, "Not everybody can wear safety orange." The suit really is a babe/chick magnet. It draws in the babes. Bruce has someone with him in the green room who latched on to his saffroned suit. We see the lady in the green room and it looks like Jeanne-Claude, looks like Bruce Willis in an orange wig, it really looks like an aged Lucille Ball. What else is Bruce working on? He's tired how so many of today's stars are caught with their pants down in one of those sex tapes on video and then sold illegally; "Pirated," I think the kids say. So Bruce decided to beat them to it. He's releasing his own sex tapes entitled, "Bruce Willis's Private Sex Videos." DVD's include: -"Passion of the Bruce" -"Die Hard with a Flight Attendant" -"SpongeBruce NoPants" -"Sideways" Bruce recently celebrated a milestone birthday; his 50th. Big shindig. Rented out the state of Nevada. Invited everybody. He's also starring in the action thriller, "Hostage." A surprise to many, this is the first movie Bruce has been in that's been titled, "Hostage." Some think everyone of Bruce's films is titled "Hostage." They would be wrong. On a more serious note, Bruce is actively involved in adoption and foster care awareness. He's the National Spokesperson for the Children in Foster Care. The organization encourages and educates people about the problems with the foster care system in this country. It needs to be brought into the 21st Century. Files are still hand-written. It needs to be computerized. ACT 5: Here are the results of the latest Late Show Insta-Poll. 44% of you said March came in like a lion. 30% of you said March came in like a lamb. And 26% of you said March came in like a monkey! Keep those text messages coming, America, and stay tuned for the next Late Show Insta-Poll. GREG GIRALDO: A very funny man. He appears regularly at the Comedy Cellar right here in New York City. I enjoyed his take on a guy begging for money on the street. Greg says he thought of giving him a few bucks then considered, "Hey, he's just gonna use it to buy alcohol." Greg then realized that he was going to do the same thing. Discusses animal-borne virus and Osama. And he talks about love, finding your soul mate, and Siegfried and Roy. And he discusses a recent disagreement with his wife, a common argument we've all had. And that was our show for Friday, March 4, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA! Have you been reading about this guy Steve Fossett who flew around the world, solo, non-stop? He's the first to ever do it. But then Wahoo reader Kathy Hansen of Fort Worth, Texas thought otherwise. "So they say Steve Fossett is the first person to fly solo non-stop around the Earth? Funny, I thought John Glenn did that 43 years ago in Friendship 7. In fact, he went around three times and it only took him 4 hours, 55 minutes, and 23 seconds!" Ahh, yes. It's sharpies like this that make doing the Wahoo Gazette almost worth doing. Very good, Kathy. I'll be using this point myself when the subject comes up. It's time once again for Wahoo Gazette USELESS FACTS, found at www.pmbc.com. -the "L.L." in L.L. Bean stands for Leon Leonwood. -The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket -The saying "it's so cold out there it could freeze the balls off a brass monkey" came from when they had old cannons like ones used in the Civil War. The cannonballs were stacked in a pyramid formation, called a brass monkey. When it got extremely cold outside they would crack and break off . . . . thus, the saying. -To "testify" was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles. -Ever think you're hearing something in a song, but they're really singing something else? The word for mis-heard lyrics is "mondegreen" and it comes from a folk song in the '50s. The singer was actually singing "They slew the Earl of Morray and laid him on the green" but this came off sounding like "They slew the Earl of Morray and Lady Mondegreen." -The raised reflective dots in the middle of highways are called Botts dots. THIS DATE IN NHL HOCKEY HISTORY March 4, 1941 - The Chicago Black Hawks goalie Samuel LoPresti stops a record 80 of 83 Boston shots NEXT WEEK'S PREVIOUSLY VIEWED LATE SHOW PROGRAMS MONDAY: March 7: From 2/10/05; Show #2316 - Billy Crystal; Patrick Lawler; and Shecky in the ACT 5 TUESDAY: March 8: From 2/23/05; Show #2325 - Michael J. Fox and Amanda Bynes; plus Charts and Graphs. WEDNESDAY: March 9: From 2/11/05; Show #2317 - Paris Hilton and Bill Burr; plus a top ten with 10 divorce attorneys THURSDAY: March 10: From 2/7/05; Show #2313 - Will Smith and Tom Brady; Biff's Super Bowl remote and a fiery stuntman off the roof of the Ed Sullivan theater FRIDAY: March 11: From 2/15/05; Show #2319 - Kid Scientists; Keanu Reeves; Michael Buble; plus Bob Borden in the Poconos. See y'all in a week.


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