It's the fastest growing quiz show in America, it's Know Your Current Events. Tonight's categories:
Know Your Current Events
Know Your Cuts of Meat
Know Your Entries in Paris Hilton's T-Mobile Sidekick
Know Your Christo and Jeanne-Claude
Know Your Obscure Academy Awards Nominees
Know Your Lenscrafters Stores in the Hartford, Connecticut Area

CONTESTANT #1: First up is Beth from Buffalo. It's nasty cold in Buffalo due to the lake effect. How's that Niagara Falls? Beautiful. Is it true they turn it off at night? Ever see one of those guys try to go over the Falls in a barrel?
Dave asks, "What do you do for fun in Buffalo?" And then quickly answers his own question, "Come to New York City." Beth is a Phys Ed and Sex Ed teacher in Buffalo. How's that going? Beth says the kids teach her more than she teaches them. What's the number one thing she teaches? "Abstinence." Dave understands how difficult it must be to teach sex to kids. Turning to the audience, Dave asks, "How many here have had sex?" Big applause from the audience but no hands are raised in the Late Show horn section. What would Beth teach the audience? "Protection." What category would Beth like to play? Beth picks, Know Your Cuts of Meat.
QUESTION #1: What is this cut of meat? Answer: Lamb leg sirloin chops
QUESTION #2: What is this cut of meat? Answer: Veal loin roast.

CONTESTANT #2: Johan of Norway - he lives close to Oslo. He's a student. He's here in New York City doing something with students. I'm not sure what he said. As soon as I heard he was from Europe, I figured he was here in the States on a 6 week vacation. Dave asks on the sly, "This is none of my business but have you ever had sex?" Dave then asked another question which I missed. He then said, "How about Oldsmobiles?" Thinking, I realized the question he first asked: "Living in Norway, have you ever seen any fjords?"
Johan would like to play "Know Your Entries in Paris Hilton's T-Mobile Sidekick"
QUESTION #1. Which Olsen twin's number was listed in Paris Hilton's sidekick?
Answer: Ashley.
QUESTION #2. According to one of her e-mails, what did Paris leave for someone named Mike on December 4, 2004?
Answer: A sandwich.

CONTESTANT #3: Bob from Vancouver. Bob sells brick and stone. Dave lauds Vancouver as being one of the great cities in all of North America. While talking to Bob, Dave becomes distracted by a beauty across the aisle. He leaves Bob and talks to Kieran of Ottawa. What has she done while here in New York City? She went to see "The Gates" in Central Park. What did she think? "Very orange." Dave corrects her, "No. It's saffron." Kieran opts for Know Your Christo and Jeanne-Claude. I was hoping this category would be selected simply to hear how Paul and the band would perform the intro number. They did not disappoint, furnishing a very entertaining "Jeanne-Claude."
QUESTION #1: Why don't Christo and Jeanne-Claude accept lucrative licensing deals?
Answer: It helps keep there art pure.

I agree with that. When I went to Central Park last week, I thought "The Gates" were pure, all right.

QUESTION #2: Where did Christo and Jeanne-Claude go on their last vacation?
Answer: Trick question. Christo and Jeanne-Claude never take vacations.

And that was Know Your Current Events.

Back from commercial, Dave says it happened again. Earlier today he saw something and was lucky enough to have his video camera with him to capture it. It's a yellow taxi cab with one of the saffron Gates mangled on the hood.

JOHN TRAVOLTA: Dressed in mostly black. Dave and John talk about kids. One of John's was a big tree climber; couldn't climb enough trees, the higher the better. Harry isn't there yet. Dave keeps hearing how having a child only gets better and better. He's curious, though, when does it get worse? John assures Dave, "with the love in your heart you have for Harry, it'll only get better and better."
John is an avid fan of flight and has his own pilot's license, and not just for the little propeller planes. John flies the big birds. What's next in aviation? John says the speed of today's jet planes is nearly that of the jet planes of 1952. It's time we move on and advance into the 21st Century, increasing the speed of our flights and doing so economically.
Oprah's name comes up. John and Oprah are very good friends, celebrating each other's birthdays together. John asks, "Could you be friends with Oprah?" Dave answers a resounding "yes." Dave breaks for commercial, teasing, "As soon as we come back I'll tell you all about Oprah."

Back from commercial, Dave brings up the subject of old movies, of which John is a big fan. John mentions in two breaths, his relationship with James Cagney, Cary Grant, Muhammad Ali, and Marlon Brando. Dave laughs with a sigh and points out the obvious, "We are two totally different people." Adding to my list of celebrity impersonations, John Travolta does James Cagney and Marlon Brando. I'm not sure if he did Cary Grant, but if he did, it sounded just like John Travolta.

Dave's story about Oprah. Dave loves Oprah. He admires Oprah. She's the gold standard for celebrities in achievement and in how one should conduct oneself. Dave admits to not really knowing Oprah, (she had been on his old show a couple times) but lauds her humanitarian causes, such as building hospitals in South Africa. Dave has nothing but admiration for Oprah. But she won't be on the show because, as Dave puts it, "she hates me." Dave then explains his attempt to bring Oprah to the show in something called, The Super Bowl of Love. John laughs and understands why she wouldn't do something like "The Super Bowl of Love." John promises to put in a good word for Dave and maybe, perhaps, there is a chance of a Dave and Oprah get together in the future.
"Be Cool" starring John Travolta. It opens March 4th.

ACT 5: Attention: The following is an urgent message for all viewers. On April 12th, after a two year hiatus, "The Jeffersons" return to DVD with a three-disc set that retails for only $29.95. "The Jeffersons: The Complete Third Season." Please plan accordingly and reserve your copy today! This has been an urgent message for all viewers.

TONY KORNHEISER AND MICHAEL WILBON: They're the team from ESPN's "Pardon the Interruption." They both work at the Washington Post. For years they would banter back and forth about sports at the watercooler and then someone decided to put it on TV.
Tapping into the first topic of the night, Dave asks about steroids in baseball and why he should care? Michael says he doesn't really care either about the subject. Tony says if you care about the records and the numbers in baseball, then it should bother you. Today's baseball records set by the pumped up athletes are inflated and tainted. Wilbon says steroids have been an accepted form of cheating in baseball, winked at by the powers above. Steroided homers are exciting to the fans and the owners want the fans excited. It brings them out to the stadium. Baseball has a long history of cheating; spitballs, corked bats. Wilbon claims, "Baseball loves cheating." Tony chimes, "Baseball loves cheating?" Dave laughs as the two go at it, adding "It used to be 'Baseball Fever: Catch It.' Now it's 'Baseball Loves Cheating.'"
I liked these two guys. They're on at a bad time for me; their show on ESPN is on at about the same time we tape our show here at the Ed. I have a feeling they'll be back again and hopefully often.
By the way, CBS' "Listen Up" is based on the writings, life, and times of Tony Kornheiser. It's the show with Jason Alexander. "Listen Up" - Mondays at 8:30, only on CBS.

Closing the show:
Dave says goodnight. Music plays. Cut to Regis watching the show at home. He clicks off the television and sighs with a big of disgust, "What a waste of time."

And that was our show for Thursday, February 24, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

Here's something interesting . . . on the show tonight we had John Travolta. It was also the 30th Anniversary of the release of Led Zeppelin's "Physical Graffiti." Two opposite ends of the music spectrum from the 1970s. I know it wasn't his fault, but Travolta and "Saturday Night Fever" led the way for a decade of really bad music. Have you seen those Time/Life CDs of the Best of the 70s and 80s commercials? Not a good song in the bunch.

And speaking of Led Zeppelin, I'm thinking of creating a butterfly garden this year in my backyard. Got to get some milkweed to draw the Monarch Butterflies. And while I'm at it, I'll see what kind of plants I need to lure in the hummingbirds.

I went to the DMV this morning to renew my license. I left my house at 7:30. I was walking through the door at the DMV on 33rd and 8th at 8:15. 45 minute drive. I left the DMV at 9:00, a 45 minute procedure. My drive from 33rd Street to 53rd Street to park my car took another 45 minutes. That's the city traffic for you. You can renew you license at the DMV in the time it takes to drive 20 city blocks.
The DMV was pretty harmless. I walked up to the information window and told the woman what I was there for. She mumbled something she mumbles 1000 times a day and points where I should go with a nod without looking up. It sounded something like this: mbmbmmmbbbbbggmmmbbmbmggl. I'm sure if I went to the DMV everyday I would have known what she said. I look around and see a line of people who look as if they are not sure they are in the right line. I figure that's the line I'm supposed to be in. I wait about 10 minutes till it's my turn to read the eye chart. I'm asked if I want a new photo and say no. The old one has hair. I'm given a number B130. The number being waited on at the moment was B112. It took 10 minutes to get to B113 and another 10 minutes to get to B114. This wasn't good. I was thinking of upping and out but since I had the paper and a bit of time, I decided to wait a little longer. I'm glad I did because the B's really started to move. B130 came pretty quick and I was soon on my way back to my car, once again a legal driver. I'll see them again in 4 years, or earlier if I decide to change my name.

Did Mary-Kate and Ashley ever appear together on "Full House"? We determined yesterday they did on the series finale, but I read they appeared 3 other times. I haven't seen those episodes yet.
From Wahoo reader Karen Bozik:

"I have an identical twin sister (she -Chrissy Bozik - was your Cameo Mention of a Wahoo Reader once...I can't remember the date....Nov 2001, I think). Anyway, we are big Mary-Kate and Ashley fans, we own their movies, make up, purses, calendars, etc. Sadly, we are turning 24 next month (Mar. 11th) so this fascination with them is no longer cute, but creepy. Anyway, I seem to remember an episode of Full House where the family went to Hawaii and both the twins were in the show. Michelle had some sort of Hawaiian cousin or something that looked just like her, but in a dark wig. I also remember the memory loss episode you talked about, but the other 2 I don't recall."

"I wrote earlier about a Hawaiian episode where Mary-Kate and Ashley were both on at the same time. I finally found what I was looking for, the episode was called 'Greek Week' so they were not in Hawaii after all. Jesse's grandparents came to visit and brought Melina, a young cousin who looks like Michelle. Mary-Kate is the one with the brown wig as Melina, and Ashley stays as Michelle."

Tim Donato of Philadelphia remembers the same "Full House."

"I can't think of the other two times Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen appeared together, but in one episode, Michelle's Greek relatives came to visit and she had a cousin that looked exactly like her, played by the second twin."

THIS DATE IN NHL HOCKEY HISTORY February 24, 1968 - Gary Unger begins his NHL consecutive game record of 914.