Artists Christo and Jeanne-Claude have created a $21 million project in Central Park entitled "The Gates." It is basically 23 miles of scaffolding draped in saffron curtains. It's all the rage here in New York, both good and bad. We take a look at "The Gates" all along the Park. Dave says that in New York City, nothing goes smoothly. Dave shows a clip of what he saw on the way to work this morning.
We see a yellow taxi cab driving down the street with mangled orange gate and curtain across the hood. Woops.

LOCAL NEWS CLIP OF THE NIGHT: From last week's ABC's local "Eyewitness News This Morning" here in New York, we see a trio of anchors talking about something at 6:22 in the morning. The face of the anchor on the left is totally obscured by a prop from a prior piece. One can only guess that the anchor people did not have a monitor to see themselves, or perhaps that since it wasn't on the teleprompter to direct them to move the prop, they didn't know better.

Former baseball player Jose Canseco claims to have used steroids with Mark McGwire and Jason Giambi. Jason Giambi came out with this announcement in his defense.

"In his new book, Jose Canseco claims that he, Mark McGwire and Jason Giambi used to sneak into bathroom stalls and inject each other with steroids. But Jason Giambi thinks it's time America learned the truth. While he did occasionally join Canseco and McGwire in the men's room stall, there were no steroids involved. It was strictly for the purpose of some innocent grab-ass. Jason Giambi: Gay as a French Horn."

MORE WITH LES: He's the Chairman and CEO of CBS, he's Les Moonves. Dave likes to catch up now and then on what's happening with his favorite CBS exec.
Dave congratulates Les on his December marriage Julie Chen, one of the hosts on the CBS "Early Show." They were married in a sunset ceremony in Acapulco, Mexico. Dave says all he knows about Acapulco is they do a lot of cliff diving there. I laughed, realizing Dave was watching Wide World of Sports the same time I was all those years ago. Dave was also showing his age since Acapulco is now known for Spring Break. Or is that old news, too? Dave says this year's Super Bowl halftime show on FOX was nothing compared to last year's halftime show on CBS. Dave calls for a return to nudity.

Note: I was only listening to the Dave and Les exchange with half an ear as I was busy putting something together for later in the show. I may have missed some of what was said. In other areas, I may have added some things I imagined.

Les spent last weekend at the Pebble Beach Pro-Am playing the golf. In Pro-Am, 'Pro' means professional players. 'Am' is for amateurs, like celebrities and people who pay a lot of money to play with professionals and celebrities. Les pretended to have fun playing with a bunch of guys who shot left and right and rarely straight. We see a clip of a Les putt that took a crescent-moon route which ended up inches short.

Dave thanks Les for taking time out in his busy schedule to participate in "More with Les." For appearing, Mr. Moonves will receive a $75 gift certificate to Jiffy Lube. "Jiffy Lube - keep your car from getting the winter blues!"

TOP TEN: Things Overheard At The Grammys.
#8. "Here to perform with Green Day, please welcome poisoned Ukrainian President, Viktor Yushchenko."
#5. "If James Mallinson doesn't win Classical Producer of the Year, this thing is fixed."
#4. Christina Aguilera's in her limo making Los Lonely Boys a little less lonely."

DR. PHIL: He's the star of the "Dr. Phil Show" and he'll have a big CBS Special Tuesday night called, "A Primetime Dr. Phil Special: Romance Rescue." Dr. Phil enters draped with a lovely, shapely young woman on each arm. And they're twins! Wow! Talk about "Romance Rescue"! Somebody throw those ladies a lifeline, quick!
Dr. Phil later admits that the women aren't twins, but two from a set of triplets. And one of them is the girlfriend of his son! (I'm trying my best not to think of a Jerry Springer episode right now.)

How's things with Dr. Phil? Phil says how good can it be if he is spending Valentine's Day with Dave? And since it's Valentine's Day, Dr. Phil throws down the challenge, "And I'm not leaving until you kiss me on the top of my bald head." Not one to shrink from a challenge, Dave gets up out of his chair and moves behind Dr. Phil. Dave takes off his jacket and takes a deep breath. Dave steadies his stomach and quickly leans over and kisses Dr. Phil on his bald skull. Ta da! I guess the thought of Dr. Phil not leaving was too much for Dave to bear. I'm also a bit surprised Dave didn't call Paul over like he often does during a cooking segment to taste. "Paul, come on over here and kiss Dr. Phil on the head."
Dr. Phil is just back from a vacation of scuba diving in Belize. Dave says, "You don't look like a guy who would be scuba diving."
The Doctor returns, "You don't look like a guy who would talk 'djoy' to me."
Dave volleys back, "You talk back that way to a guy who just kissed you on the top of your head?"
Yipes. That Dr. Phil is touchy. Sounds like he needs a therapist.

After some lofty accolades about Oprah, Dr. Phil presents Dave with a box of candy addressed to Dave and . . . "his wife" is crossed out . . . and written in is "the mother of your child."
But let's get to the Dr. Phil Special "Romance Rescue" Tuesday night. What is the divorce rate in America? Something like 50%? Dr. Phil agrees it's about 50%. A shocked Dave says "Restaurants have a better success rate!" I laughed at that, knowing the success rate of a restaurant is notoriously poor. Dr. Phil explains how many people marry at the wrong time or for the wrong reasons. Couples spend more time preparing for the wedding than they do preparing for their lifetime together. Dr. Phil asks Dave "How is your relationship?" Dave says with confidence, "Oh, aces!!" giving two thumbs up. Dr. Phil presses on. Dave admits he doesn't really know since he is so rarely home. But since the Doctor wants to know, Dave says of having a child and living with a significant other, "so much of what I thought was my life is no longer my life." There is stuff in his home he's never seen before. He only recognizes half the house. Dr. Phil knows of what Dave is talking, adding his own "My wife redecorates the house so often, I've come home some nights and think I'm in the wrong house."
"Dr. Phil's Primetime Special: Romance Rescue" - Tuesday night at 9:00 on CBS!

ACT 5: And now a Late Show announcement. There has been a Valentine's Day Chocolate Recall. If your Valentine's Day Chocolates look like this. . . . (photo of common box of Valentine's Day chocolates) . . . consult your physician immediately. This has been a Late Show announcement. Tell your friends.

UNWRITTEN LAW: From their CD, "Here's to the Mourning," Unwritten Law performed "Save Me."

And that was our show for Monday, February 14, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

If you're like most Americans, you're probably in New York City right now to see "The Gates" in Central Park. Artists Christo and Jeanne-Claude spent $21 million of their own money to put up 7,500 gates draped in orange curtains covering 23 miles through the Park. Critiques have ranged from "glorious" to "ugghhhh." Those who think it's glorious say so in an attempt to make those who say 'ugghhh' believe they just don't understand art. I'm on the side of "ugghhh." And I understand art.
This is what art has become, in my opinion. First of all I believe a person is not an artist unless he can do a decent painting of a bowl of fruit. After that, today's art is simply putting an interesting title on something that isn't that good. F'rinstance, throw a gallon of paint on a canvas. That's not art. But give it an interesting title, like "Thrown Paint on Canvas," and put it under some fancy lighting in a big room with white walls and polyurethane hardwood floors, and all of a sudden people will look at it and sigh, "Inspiring." Then put the artist in a black turtleneck and offer white wine in a long-stemmed glass and you can charge a few ten-thousand dollars more for each piece of art.

I see Christo and Jeanne-Claude more as wise businessmen than artists. Did you see them on "60 Minutes" Sunday night? This is what they are up to. They spend $21 million to create "The Gates." I'm not sure of the accounting involved, but I would question the $21 million price tag. I wonder if that includes what they paid themselves. "It cost $21 million to create 'The Gates'." Yeah, but I have a feeling they paid themselves $5 million each. But forget all that. Let's say it really cost $21 million, and at no cost to the city! So why would they do this if they aren't making a nickel on it? Here's my theory. Christo is making a load of money selling his drawings of "The Gates." He draws up a whole bunch of pictures of "The Gates," then sells them to people who "just have to have it." Christo doesn't make any money on his creation in Central Park, but he makes a bundle by selling his drawings of "The Gates" in Central Park. This is where they are great businessmen. "The Gates" in Central Park is a huge 3-block by 50-block advertisement in the middle of the city creating the need to buy his drawings. Christo and Jeanne-Claude get to use one of the most magical parks in the world in the greatest city in the world as advertisement to buy his drawings! $21 million for the use of Central Park and 16 days of advertisment! Any feature film would do the same in a minute. Heck, it cost millions to advertise on the Super Bowl for just 30 seconds. "The Gates" is here for 16 whole days. And I'm sure there is carry-over to Christo's other works of art, drawings that are not of "The Gates." (I saw some of the drawings on "60 Minutes" and he is a good drawer) How much do you think the price-tags on his other drawings are hyped due to his name recognition from "The Gates"? So "The Gates" may have cost Team Christo $21 million, they will make it up on the other end.

Anyway, without having yet seen "The Gates" in person, I'm putting it down as a great piece of advertisement for Christo's real works of art. He'll be making back his $21 million spent.

I was thinking of going to see "The Gates" one of these days after work. I've since decided to wait till Friday afternoon and go on company time.