LATE SHOW WEEK IN REVIEW
1. FOX TV is asking for $2.4 million for a 3- second commercial during this year's Super Bowl. That's too hefty a price tag for many companies. Some, though, are working around that. We see the commercial Pert Plus will run during the game. - the 2-second commercial comes and goes and all we hear is "Pert Plus work good."
2. John Kerry Interviews Himself - from "Meet the Press" - it's one of the things Dave wanted to see no more in 2005, but I guess John Kerry didn't get the memo. We see him deliver a number of self-directed questions, followed by his answer.
3. Bush is looking to rein in the costs of government. The White House made this announcement yesterday: "President Bush has made a change to the Social Security program that retirees should be aware of. Social Security checks will no longer be mailed or direct deposited. This month's benefit check must be picked up at the Social Security main office in Washington . . . . within the next 5 seconds. Four. Three. Hurry up, old people! One. Zero. Better luck next time. From President Bush and the Social Security Administration."
4. The new 800-seat Airbus A380 was recently unveiled. It's enormous. Take a look. Somehow we have a LIVE feed from the A380. We see a guy with a shopping cart in the meat aisle of a supermarket . . . or is he? A stewardess walks over and says, "Sir, could you return to your seat? We're preparing to land." The guy agrees and exits.
5. Senator Ted Stevens has told the Department of Homeland Security not to expect an increase in their budget. This prompted the Department to release this message. "Though the fight to stem terrorism continues . . . the Senate has announced they will not increase the Department of Homeland Security's $32 billion budget. In light of this, the Department of Homeland Security will now only protect Wyoming and the west side of Idaho. The Department of Homeland Security. We'll stop at nothing to protect Wyoming and parts of Idaho."
6. Some conservative groups have criticized "Spongebob Squarepants" for promoting homosexuality. Out of curiosity, Dave watched an episode this week to see if there was any gay subtext. Dave thinks he may have spotted something. We see a clip from Spongebob Squarepants. Patrick says something to Spongebob. Spongebob responds, "You know, Patrick, you've got a dynamite ass." Spongebob and Patrick hug.

Dave takes a second to explain something he's realized for some years now: "If you can properly fold a sweater, I think you may be a homosexual."

7. Les Moonves has revealed that he's considering a multiple anchor format for the CBS Evening News. Dave found the tests to be interesting. He was able to get a clip. We see a neat and nice gentleman named Jim giving the news at the anchor's desk. At the end of his report, he throws it to his co-anchor, Steve. The camera widens and we see Jim is sitting on the shoulders of Steve. Steve gives his report. Oh, that Les . . . . always thinking outside the box.

And that was our Week in Review.

WILL IT FLOAT? Item: a 15 ounce glass jar of Cheez-Whiz. Dave and Paul think it will float. The gals drop the item and it . . . . . SINKS. Boy, did it sink! Dave is surprised. He thinks the Cheez-Whiz sank because of the glass jar. He suggests we take a spooned dollop of Cheez-Whiz and see if that sinks. Backstage, people scurry.

TOP TEN: Things You Don't Want to Hear in a Huddle - and to present the Top Ten list; members of your AFC Champion New England Patriots.
#10. Wide receiver Troy Brown: "I hope this game ends soon --- I'm parked at a meter."
#9. Linebacker, Ted Johnson: "I hope someone's Tivoing 'Desperate Housewives"
#8. Tackle, Matt Light: "See you losers later --- I just won the Iraqi election."
#7. Linebacker, Teddy Bruschi: "Hey, I thought of another word that rhymes with huddle --- cuddle."
#6. Linebacker, Rosevelt Colvin: "Does anyone else's helmet smell like egg salad?"
#5. Linebacker, Mike Vrabel: "John Madden's hitting on your wife."
#4. Linebacker, Larry Izzo: "Oh my God, Leonardo Dicaprio is in the first row --- I think I'm gonna pass out."
#3. Linebacker, Willie McGinest: "The equipment manager screwed up, so we're all gonna have to share a mouth guard."
#2. Wide receiver, Deion Branch: "Hold me."
#1. Kicker, Adam Vinatieri: "Since we live in Massachusetts we should think about getting hitched."

WILL IT FLOAT II: Item: a spoonful of Cheez-Whiz. The Late Show models drop a dollop of whiz into the Will It Float tank and it . . . . SINKS!
Back from commercial, we take a look at the Cheez-Whiz at the bottom of the tank.
Paul imagines that at the bottom of your stomach. Hmmm. What about cheese slices? Would that sink? Backstage, people scurry.

AL FRANKEN: He has his own radio show on the Air America network, "The Al Franken Show." He also has a Grammy nominated CD, "The O'Franken Factor Factor."
Over the holidays, Al took another USO trip to Iraq. He spoke very highly of the troops, tremendously impressed with their devotion and loyalty to their country and fellow soldiers. Al says, "Their morale seems good and most of the troops believe in the mission." Even those that may not, they are deeply invested in their units. He visited soldiers in a hospital and found their humor to be incredible. One soldier lost his leg. When Al asked what happened, he said "I came in for a vasectomy, and when I woke up . . . ." He says the soldiers hate, HATE, it when congressmen and politicians come to visit and give the same "Thanks for your service" over and over again. They find it really insulting. So Al decided when asked for an autograph, he would sign it, "Thank you for getting seriously injured." They loved it.
What does Al Franken think of Condoleezza Rice named Secretary of State? Will she be good? Al's one word answer doesn't need much explanation. "Awful," he says sadly. "Awful."

Any memories of Johnny Carson? Al says he has a very embarrassing story, probably the most embarrassing thing he's ever done, and this is the first time he's telling it.
Many years ago, Al and his comedic partner Tom Davis moved to Los Angeles. They performed at the Comedy Club and were asked to come to the Tonight Show for an audition to be on the show. They were in L.A. for about 10 minutes and they were already gong to the Tonight Show for an audition. The big day comes and a bus picks them up along with about 10 other comedians. Each auditioned. One comedian was picked to appear. It wasn't Al or Tom. The comedy segment producer picked somebody else. On the ride back, many were morose and not being chosen, but Al figured his day would come eventually. Heck, they were in town just a few days and they'd already gotten an audition.
Weeks later, Gabe Kaplan was going to appear on the Tonight Show and he wanted some friendly faces in the audience for support. He asked Al and Tom to come. Free tickets to the Tonight Show back then were something you jumped at. So Al and Tom went. That night, Stump the Band was the scheduled comedy. The request went out for possible participants. Al Franken and Tom Davis raised their hand and sang an actual Richard Nixon 1948 campaign song. Al sings the song for us. It was quite funny. Al says the Tonight Show audience loved it as well, as President Nixon was just starting to face the Watergate travails. Johnny enjoyed the performance and asked, "Hey, so what do you guys do?" Al says, "We're a comedy team." Johnny brightens, "You should come on and do our show!" Al, not really thinking, says with anger, pointing to the comedy segment producer standing by the stage, "Well, we would, but that guy says we can't!" Tom looked over at Al later and said, "You just ruined out show business career." Did they ever do the Tonight Show? "No."

WILL IT FLOAT III: Dave reads the ingredients in a jar of Cheez-Whiz. I guess he was looking for the sinkable stuff.
Item: The models drop a small stack of unwrapped cheese slices and they . . . . . . . SINK! Ever so slowly, the cheese slices make it to the bottom of the tank.

MATTHEW FOX: He's in the popular ABC series, "Lost." The series is shot in Hawaii. Man oh man. Imagine being paid to work in Hawaii. Just like Magnum. And that Sean Green show.
Matthew grew up in Wyoming (so he's the one) and he and his two brothers would spend many of their days blowing stuff up. In the winter the need to blow things up was important because they would have to dynamite the drainage ditches which would freeze up. But come the 4th of July, the blowing stuff up was purely for recreational reasons, much to the chagrin of mom.
In the series, "Lost," Matthew and a plane full of others are stranded on an island. How will they survive? What will become of them? And where are they? Some have speculated that they are dead and in purgatory. The stranded members find another bunch of people on the island. Who are they? Matthew doesn't know but he thinks the island may contain contaminants that disease the inhabitants. Or something like that. During this moment in the segment, somebody came into the shack with a plateful of cookies.

NANCI GRIFFITH: From her CD, "Hearts In Mind," Nanci Griffith performed "Beautiful."

And that was our show for Friday, February 4, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

I have my Super Bowl box. Eagles: 7; Patriots: 5. Each box went for 10 units and Lord knows, I can use some units.

Who do I want in the Super Bowl? Right now, I think I'll be rooting for the Patriots but I'm not sure why . . . . probably because Harold Carmichael and the Eagles always beat up on my New York Giants during my impressionable years in the 1970's and I've never forgiven them. My rooting interest will change, though, if one of the Patriots does a cartwheel early in the game after making a 3-yard completion.

This is something that's been bugging me for years and I'm sure it's bothered you, too. Why no one has done anything about it or explained this is beyond me. What's the deal with the restaurant name "Ruth's Chris Steak House"? What kind of name is that? Who is Chris? Or what is Chris? I check out the website and learned that Ruth is Ruth Fertel of New Orleans. It was her dream to open a steak house to serve only the best steaks. Well, good for her. But who is this Chris? What gives? "Ruth's Chris Steak House" is such an awkward name and I'm not sure it makes any sense. Is Chris a type of steak, or is it a person? And if it's a person, why isn't it possessive? Whatever it is, Ruth makes a great steak. I just don't get the name. What am I missing?

Why the Super Bowl on Saturday won't work: From Hank Bosworth of Fernwood. Ahh, Fernwood. A man after my heart. To this day, I still say "Fernwood Tonight" was the fastest half-hour in TV history.

"Re: Super Bowl Weekend I'm confused. It already IS a SuperBowl weekend. Your plan, moving the game to Saturday, is precisely the sort of thing that would limit the Super Bowl Weekend to just ONE day. Fans who work Fridays would struggle to make it to the game on time. Host cities would lose out on most of the Saturday business and virtually ALL of the Sunday business. People would leave early Sunday morning at the LATEST."

I'll think about that, Hank, and try to come up with a rebuttal.

My Super Bowl Prediction: During the game, on ESPN will be a cheerleading competition.

WARNING: I'M ABOUT TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING I KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT!
It's about Social Security. There's been talk of instead of investing in Social Security, workers should have the option of investing part of their paycheck into the Stock Market since the return is better. (How am I doing so far?) Who would this benefit? Well, 40 years from now it might benefit today's 20-year-old worker. But who would it benefit immediately? Who would it benefit right now? If we could direct some of our money into the stock market rather then into Social Security, this would obviously create a lot more money available to be invested. This would create greater demand for stocks, raising the price of stocks in general. Those heavily into the stock market right now would welcome this. So, those in power who are in support of money being diverted into the stock market may have an eye on what's best for them NOW rather than what's best for the country in the long run.
Please feel free to tell my where I'm wrong. Unfortunately, I probably won't understand it.
THIS CONCLUDES MY NOT KNOW WHAT THE HECK I'M TALKING ABOUT. (or at least I hope so.)