It’s cold in New York, and Dave opened with a bevy of “It’s so cold” jokes. Upon sitting at the desk, Dave daydreams until Paul startles him back to reality. Is everything all right? Dave says, “I’m sorry. I was just thinking how much I miss the foliage.” Big reaction from the audience. I missed it but I imagine it stemmed from something discussed in the pre-show Q & A.

And about a joke Dave told last night: the Saturn moon Titan is not 8 million miles from earth. It’s 800 million miles from earth. We landed a satellite on the surface and beautiful clear pictures were sent back. Last night Dave wondered, “So why is my Paris Hilton video so blurry?” Dave has another bit of information: everything on the Titan moon is frozen stiff. Nothing moves at all. No motion whatsoever. And in the Paris Hilton video, everything is in motion.

When billboarding tonight’s program, Dave does an impersonation of Christopher “Mad Dog” Russo, a local sports radio talk show host. He half snarls, half barks, half yelps. (Yeah, I know . . . three halves. Leave me alone.) It’s a snippet from tonight’s show that I wouldn’t be surprised makes it to Wednesday’s “Mike and the Mad Dog” show here on the WFAN in New York. You may be able to see the show on the YES cable TV network. It’s on from, I don’t know, I think 1:00 to 6:00 here in New York.

We have Biff outside tonight in 8 degree weather. Why? We want to see water freeze. Yes, it would freeze whether Biff was there or not but it’s sort of like the Guinness Book, we have to have witness to make it official. We see the bowl of water sitting on the sidewalk. Dave believes it would be better if the bowl were sitting on a stool. Biff says when we get back to him, he’ll have a stool. Dave is satisfied with this and says, “Then we’ll see how long it’ll take for the stool to freeze.” Dave quickly realizes it was a poor choice of words. I’m thinking, “Not only did Biff freeze his ass off . . .”

How cold was it? Look what’s happening at Flashdancers down the block. We see a gentleman sitting inside the Gentlemen’s Club. He is ogling a Flashdancer. The camera widens to reveal the dancer in a winter coat, a hat, scarf, and mittens. Yes, it’s that cold. Dave smiles and says, “How about our friend Pete Fatovich sitting there.” We cut back to a shot of Pete, the very popular Associate Director for the LATE SHOW. The man has been a part of a whole lot of TV history. And he can tell a great story.

Now it’s time for George W. Bush Economic Expert. We don’t do these so much anymore so when you see one coming, you know it’s a good one. From a January 11th speech on Social Security:

Bush: “. . . . . . There will be certain . . . . . . . . . . . . you won’t be allowed just to take that money and dump it somewhere.”

NEW MAGAZINES
Gay Sports Illustrated. – “Larry Csonka: One of Us?”
Unpopular Science – “The moon – What does it smell like?”
Teen Pope! – “The Pope’s Hottest New Fashion Tips!”
Bacon Aficionado – it’s a guy sampling some bacon
Dead People – “Lorne Greene talks about ‘Bonanza’ reunion”
Regrettable Tattoo – old woman with a tattoo of a demon on her arm
Laser Idiot – “Shine your laser at a jet liner!” “Excuses when you get in trouble” “New annoying things to do with your laser pointer.”
MQ, Monkey’s Quarterly – chimp in a tuxedo
Food That Looks Like People – a bowl of German Potato Salad that looks like Carol Channing
Play . . . Boy? Or Maybe . . Girl? – an androgynous model on cover
Hockey Digest – blank front. Blank pages inside.
New York Jets Travel & Leisure – The Jets should know, not that they’ve got the time.

I didn’t get the latest but one or more of these may have been edited out. Too much yammering in the show. And that is our New Magazines for 2005.

We go back to Biff who is watching water freeze. Dave decides it’s time to make dreams come true when he invites two guys standing 30 feet away behind barricades to come up and watch the water freeze up close! One guy is from Seattle. The other guy is from Oklahoma. Dave snides, “Seattle and Oklahoma. Explains why they’re hanging around the sidewalk.” Dave says some stuff to Biff which Biff repeats to the Seattle and Oklahoma guys. It wasn’t complementary. Dave warns Biff he could get beat up for repeating what he says. A confident Biff says, “They got to catch me first.”

ICE CUBE: Ice is a dad to 4, the oldest now 18 and driving. They all went on a vacation in Hawaii over the holidays. It’s a nice place to kick back. I already see a difference between me and Ice Cube. He kicks back in Hawaii. I kick back in my basement. In Hawaii, he likes to enjoy a couple cocktails of Maui Mist. He admits to going heavy on the Mist. His son just started driving, which is good and bad. Whenever Ice needs something, like a paper clip from the local Thrifty’s, his son is quick to say, “I’ll get it!” And in no time he’s in the car and driving to Thrifty’s. Is his son a good driver? He is, but Ice isn’t comfortable driving with him. It’s a parent/child thing. Ice Cube’s mom won’t drive with Ice, either.

What got Ice Cube interested in music? He remembers the exact moment. He was 10 years old and his uncle was taking him to the dentist. His uncle had the biggest boom box in the back seat. It is there he first heard “Rapper’s Delight.” And Ice played it over and over and over and over again. He loved it. And he was hooked.

Ice Cube stars in the film Are We There Yet? It opens Friday. In the film he volunteers to take the children of a woman he’s interested in on a road trip. His thinking . . . get the kids to like you and the girl will follow. Of course, the road trip doesn’t go as smoothly as planned.

CHRISTOPHER “MAD DOG” RUSSO: He’s the Mad Dog of the “Mike and the Mad Dog” sports radio talk show. His partner, Mike Francesca just had twins last night.

So what happened with the Jets?

Chris says the Jets kicker missed two late field goals against the 15-1 Pittsburgh Steelers and ended up losing the game. The kicker’s fault? Somewhat, but Chris points the finger at the head coach Herm Edwards. The Jets advanced the ball down the field but when they got close enough to “attempt” a field goal, they got all conservative all of a sudden. The coach settled for a 40-yard-plus field goal when he should have been more aggressive and gotten closer. What made this all the more maddening was the Jets WON the week before because the opposing coach on the Chargers did the same thing! The Chargers went conservative when the came within a 40+ yard field goal attempt. The Chargers kicker missed, and the Jets won in overtime. Herman Edwards didn’t learn from this because he made the same mistake. Fans and the media have passed the blame for the loss to many on the Jets team, but Russo pinpoints the fault on Edwards.

And what about the Colts? Big offenses don’t win Super Bowls, reasons Chris. The Colts quarterback Peyton Manning came up small in the game against the New England Patriots. The league’s MVP was only able to put up 3 points against the Pats. Why? Russo says the Patriots are a very hard team to beat with Tom Brady at QB, a guy who doesn’t make any mistakes. Russo likens him to Bart Starr, quarterback of the legendary Green Bay Packers of the 1960’s. He does nothing amazingly outstanding but does everything quietly perfect. And the Pats head coach Bill Belichick is the best in the league and is fast approaching the best of all-time. Russo compares him to Vince Lombardi, the head coach of those same Green Bay Packer teams of the 60’s.

The Philadelphia Eagles have a lot of pressure on them to win this weekend vs. the Atlanta Falcons. They’ve made it this far 3 years in a row without making it to the Super Bowl. Another loss now would be devastating for the team and the players.

Who will win the Super Bowl? “The Patriots.” Chris says it would be silly to pick anybody but the Patriots.

ACT 5: It’s the water freezing! Look! It’s actually freezing!

I enjoyed the music from Paul during this break – “Gimme Shelter” by the Rolling Stones. Appropriate for a night like this.

INTERPOL – From their CD, Antics, Interpol performed “Evil.”

To finish out the show, we pay one last visit with Biff and his buds. A coating of ice covers tops the water, proving that yes, water does freeze when placed in a very cold environment. How’d that go? Biff says, “Well, Dave, the water froze and I froze my ass off. Hope you’re happy.”

And that was our show for Tuesday January 18, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

Not only that. Now it’s being reported that Bernard Kerik urinates when swimming in the ocean.

Did you hear Bernard Kerik was invited to the Inauguration? Yup. Will he attend? I haven’t heard but I bet he does. Why? Because he’s Bernie Kerik! Bernie is very impressed with Bernie!

Hey “Mad Dog” fans . . . to hear my idea on why the Super Bowl should be played on a Saturday, read tomorrow’s Wahoo. You will see the light.

You’re never too old to learn new things. Today I learned that when buying oatmeal, DON’T GO CHEAP! This morning instead of buying the Quaker Oats oatmeal, I decided to go with the store brand. Saved $2.50 and I got 2 extra packets! But, eccchhhhhh! It was awful! And such small portions! The worst part is I’ll be eating this stuff for the next two weeks.

It won’t be long before the local TV news will consist of nothing but weather and sports. The temperature dips into the teens in January and the TV news goes nuts, as if it’s a big story! It’s January! It’s supposed to be in the teens!

On Monday’s program, Rupert learned karate. From Mary Ballard:

Here more karate info than you probably wanted.
The correct spelling for the karate uniform is ‘gi.’ Rupert, not the instructor, pronounced the term ‘karate’ correctly. The karate chop Rupert used to break the board is called a shuto hand or a knife hand strike.”

Hey, Ross, I like that. "The Wahoo Gazette – it’s the poor man’s Tivo!” I’m going to wait a few weeks before mentioning that again and then I’ll pretend I made it up. Thanks!

The second biggest mall in the country? From Chris Begley of Vancouver, BC:

“Not to rub your faces in it, but the West Edmonton Mall is 5.3 Million square feet. See:
http://www.westedmall.com/about/wemtrivia.asp”