Matt Damon stars in the new Ocean’s Twelve film. Dave describes it as being “one more ocean of fun than Ocean’s Eleven.”

Dave read an article in last week’s New York Times about a news anchorwoman in Cleveland. Before continuing, Dave asks the audience, “Anybody here from Cleveland?” After no response, Dave exclaims, “Good!” I found it funny how apparently glad he was. Dave read where this newswoman from Cleveland, Sharon Reed from CBS affiliate WOIO-TV, stripped nude for a first person account of a photo shoot of public nudity. It was one of those things from photographer/artist Spencer Tunick. He likes taking photos of lots of people in the nude in public places. (Me too, but dang it, I never in my wildest dreams thought I could make a career out of it. I guess that’s what makes him an artist.) Dave can’t figure out what has happened to the news today. Anchor people are now stripping naked on TV for a story? How un-Cronkite-like. Do we really want to see that? Paul hesitates in his answer. It seems Paul is seeing the positives to this. Dave continues. He says the idea was presented to the news woman from her bosses. It wasn’t even her original idea. Paul jumps in and says it would be like Barbara Gaines asking Dave to do the show in the nude. Dave says the whole idea is nuts. He can’t fathom our local Sue Simmons doing such a thing over at NBC. Would Paul want to see that? Again, Paul holds back his answer. And another thing: The photo shoot took place in June. WOIO didn’t air it until November during the big sweeps period.

Dave was so outraged he demanded to see the tape. He then asked if we could get the woman on our show. Executive Producer Barbara Gaines says, “We’ll try.”

Dave is outraged, yet wants the woman on the show. This somehow reminded me of the old joke: “The food was terrible . . . . and such small portions!”

SPANISH SOAP OPERA HIGHLIGHT OF THE NIGHT:
From Univision’s Mujer do Madera – Channel 41 at 7PM here in New York. We see a clip. I’m not sure but I think the Spanish Soap Opera characters were playing the children’s game of ‘Got Your Nose.’”

Tuesday night is the lighting of the Christmas Tree in Rockefeller Center. NBC has taken this and made it into a yearly special. Dave was somewhat surprised and confused by the promotion NBC is running. We take a look.

“The annual tree lighting ceremony and celebration returns! Guests include Nancy O’Dell, Jessica Simpson, Nick Lachey, Hilary Duff, Denny Chesney and Michael Buble. . . . but please tune in anyway. ‘Christmas in Rockefeller Center.’ Only on NBC.”

Back to the nude anchorperson, Dave still is trying to get a grasp on it. “What if the weather guy showed up naked . . . and then didn’t need a pointer? (imitating a naked weather man) ‘Look at this low pressure down here.’”

What the Hell is George W. Bush Talking About? It’s from an October 11th speech in Hobbs, New Mexico:

“I’m the first sitting President to have ever visited Hobbs, New Mexico. I may just be the first sitting President to have visited, and the first person who’s - - - - President who’s ever been here before he was President.”

And now what we’ve all been waiting for. Out on 53rd Street is Twiggy, the waterskiing squirrel. Twiggy is 5 years old and has been waterskiing for 2 years. Lou Ann Best is the squirrel’s trainer. Lou Ann has been training squirrels to water ski for 25 years and Twiggy is her 5th squirrel to do this trick. The pool temperature: 78 degrees.
The weather conditions:
Air temperature: 50 degrees.
Humidity: 36%
Barometric Pressure: Steady at 30.25
Wind: from the northwest at 9 mph.
Visibility: 10 miles.

Since it’s Sweeps, I think Dave decided to delay the showing of the waterskiing squirrel a few more minutes until the next ACT. We go to commercial.

This Sharon Reed newswoman isn’t the first newswoman to appear on her news show naked. Remember that clip from a few years back of Barbara Walters? We show it again in case you missed it the first time. We see Barbara opening her show totally naked from the waist up. I’m not sure but I bet it was sweeps for her, too.

It’s time for Twiggy, the waterskiing squirrel. This is the 5th Twiggy of Lou Ann. She keeps on making new ones. Paul chimes, “Just like Trigger!”

TOP TEN: Signs Tom Brokaw Doesn’t Give a Damn Anymore – he’s leaving the NBC Nightly News after 21 years. His last day is Wednesday.
#9. New sign-off: “That’s all I got, losers.”
#6. Last week reported there’s a treasure map on the Declaration of Independence.
#2. Begins telecast by ‘setting the mood’ with Luther Vandross.

MATT DAMON: Hey, look at the happy guy. Matt proudly wears layers of Boston Red Sox garb and is equally proud to show it off. Dave says the last time Matt was here (July), Dave razzed him about Alex Rodriguez signing with the Yankees after the Red Sox couldn’t raise another $15 bucks to satisfy the salary demand. Matt can now look back on that and laugh, wondering why or how anyone could pay a guy $25 million a year to bat second and whose “job it is to move a runner over.” Matt enjoys every minute of the Red Sox talk, the new World Series Champions of 2004. Dave finally has to put a stop to it when it looked like it could have gone on for another half hour at least. Matt flew home from Europe during a film shoot the final days of the World Series, begging George Clooney, who was directing the movie, for the favor. “I need to go home,” Matt told Mr. Clooney like a little schoolboy. Matt then went up to Boston to celebrate and enjoy the World Series parade through Boston. Matt was asked by Red Sox bigwigs, “Do you want V.I.P. tickets to the parade?” Matt told them, “No, I want to stand out in the rain and yell ‘arrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!’” And that is the difference between Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. Remember back in October when I said I lost a lot of respect for Ben Affleck when he brought new girlfriend Jennifer Garner to Game 1 of the World Series instead of taking an old high school chum who couldn’t get tickets? Well, Matt would have taken an old bud. And Ben would have taken up the offer for the V.I.P. tickets to the parade. Of course, this is all just a guess on my part. I’m just trying to fill space here, is all. Matt told a very funny story about his divorced parents. Though divorced, his parents keep the family close-knit. Some years back, his father took the family, along with his ex-wife, out to a big dinner to celebrate the 25th anniversary of when they got married. The waiter came over and asked if they would like some wine. Dad says, “Of course! It’s our 25th anniversary!” The waiter then announces the special event to the whole restaurant. Dad jumped up and said, “NO, NO! We’ve been divorced for 19 of them!” Ocean’s Twelve – it opens December 10 and it stars all of Hollywood’s biggest names.

ACT 4
It’s time for the waterskiing squirrel. Does Twiggy like waterskiing? Lou Ann says, “Yeah, but you have to understand we’re in New York, not Florida.” Dave is stunned into silence, trying to understand the point Lou Ann was trying to make. Eventually it becomes clear to Dave that in Florida it is much warmer and pleasant for one to go waterskiing than here in New York. I yelled out from the shack, “But the water is 78 degrees!” It’s time to water-ski. Lou Ann releases Twiggy on its skis, propelled by a motorized miniature speed boat. We see Twiggy go around once or twice, then jump off onto the boat. That was great, but why did Twiggy jump off? Lou Ann explains, “Twiggy says, ‘it’s 50 degrees. It’s cold.’” Dave says somewhat under his breath, “So Twiggy is talking to you now . . .”

ACT 5: More Twiggy, the waterskiing squirrel.

LANCE ARMSTRONG: he’s the only 6-time Tour de France champion. Now here’s a true sports hero if there ever was one. Not only has he won it 6 times but he’s won it 6 times in a row! Here in America he could walk down Main Street USA and not be recognized. In Europe, he’s known as the greatest. Are there any significant races here in America that comes close to the Tour de France? Lance says we have the athletes, but not the events in the States. Dave asks about the Tour de Trump that was started a few years ago. That looked like it was going to be something. Lance said it showed some promise but it quickly drifted away. Lance mentions the Tour de Georgia as being a nice tune up for the Tour de France and he usually races in there in preparation.

Will Lance race in next year’s Tour de France? Lance says he will ride again in the Tour de France but he won’t guarantee that he will race in 2005.

Tuesday night and throughout this week you can see Lance Armstrong and girlfriend Sheryl Crow on TLC’s Overhaulin’. It’s a kind of a Punk’d, Jamie Kennedy Experiment, X’d Candid Camera American Chopper Pimp My Ride show all wrapped up in one. It works something like this. The unsuspecting person has his car “stolen.” Days later, the car is “found” and it is now all hyped and hopped up to the Max! It’s awesome.

And that was our show for Monday November 29, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

Some people just don’t think. Ruben Studdard, the heavyset American Idol guy, has a new album entitled, I Need an Angel. Is it just me or does everyone immediately see the joke, “Ruben Studdard’s new album is entitled, ‘I Need an Angel . . . Food Cake.’”

Perhaps it’s not much of a joke but why leave yourself open for such an easy shot?

I’m sorry. What does Tara Reid do for a living again?

I’ve come to believe that most advertisements discourage me from patronizing a product rather than draw me to it. Usually it’s because I find the ad or commercial offensive, insulting, or just so darn annoying. I saw this in Sunday’s New York Times. It was a full page ad at the back of the Sports section. There’s a large lovely photo of the Statue of Liberty which takes up most of the page. Very majestic, very uplifting, very patriotic. The caption about a third of the way down reads:

“Very inspiring. Now where’s the mall?”

”While a trip to Lady Liberty is certainly inspiring, imagine how much more monumental your trip cold be with you in an impressive new outfit of your own. And for that we suggest a trip to any of the Simon malls in the greater New York area.”

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer special is on CBS Wednesday night. Watch for the first time the head elf calls the dentist elf Hermey by name. It does sound a little bit like “Herbie.” Friends tell me it sounds nothing like “Herbie.”

Let me know of any “Herbie” sightings.