Tonight, we're going into the audience to play Know Your Current Events. It's America's fastest growing quiz sensation.

Tonight's Know Your Current Events categories:
Know Your Current Events
Know Your Cuts of Meat
Know Your Clinton Presidential Library
Know Your Hardee's Monster Thickburger
Know Your 2005 Dodge Durango
Know Your Turkeys Pardoned by Presidents

CONTESTANT #1. Shymam of London. Her name means "Evening shade." Visiting NYC, she says she would much rather live here than in London. What does Shyman want to play? After not discussing it with her husband, she decides on Know Your Cuts of Meat. After making her selection, she adds, "And I'm a vegetarian." Huh? "For 6 years." What did she have for lunch today? "Pizza." Dave asks, "With pepperoni?" For dinner tonight she's trying something new; "Japanese."
I laughed when she referred to her husband as "a carnivore."
Shymam was able to identify Sausage Links and Lamb Leg Whole.

CONTESTANT #2. Dan from Newark, Ohio. He's a high school teacher, a veteran of 26 years. Are kids smarter today than when he started? Dan says the kids are smarter today. "How about as citizens? Are they better citizens today or were they better 26 years ago?" Dan says they aren't as good today. YES! 26 years ago I was a high school student . . . . .. Hold it. DAMN! No, I wasn't. 26 years ago I was in college. Excuse me. I need to lie down for awhile.
Dave wisely points out the reason kids aren't the good citizens they were years ago is because they aren't being taught properly at home. Blame the parents! I agree with Dave and Dan. It is the parents' fault, that is, until my girls stop being good citizens. Then I'll blame society and the schools.
Is the pay OK for teachers? Dan surprises Dave when he says he's paid fine. Hmmmm. Dan then adds that his wife is also a school teacher. Oooh. Home run! The only drawback to being a school teacher is you can never go to Disney off-peak Dan's category? Know Your Current Events.
Question #1. "Scientists estimate that what reached speeds of 7,000 miles per hour this week?" Answer: "Colin Powell leaving the Bush Administration."
Question #2. "Congressmen from both parties called for the United States to send more peacekeeping troops where?" Answer: "The Vibe Awards"

CONTESTANT #3: Mikey from Salt Lake City, Utah. She works for the AHL hockey Utah Grizzlies. And how are the Utah Grizzlies doing? "Great!" says Mikey. What's their record? "1-8" Hmmmm. I guess that's great compared to how the NHL teams are doing.
Mikey's category: Know Your Clinton Presidential Library.
Question #1: "In the Clinton Presidential Library, how many archived documents pertain to NAFTA?" Answer: "631." Dave says he would have accepted, "630."
Question #2: "What is the price of admission to the Clinton Library?" Answer: "$7, or half price for the gals on Ladies Night."

During contestant #3, I did a quick Google check on the Utah Grizzlies. Hey, if you're in the Utah area, check them out Friday night as they take on the Milwaukee Admirals. Plus, it's $1 HOT DOG NIGHT! Yee-haa. Better yet, wait for a Wednesday game when it's $1 BEER NIGHT! Damn! And we here in New York City think we have it all? C'mon! The Utah Grizzlies got beer for a buck!

Have your heard about the new Hardee's Monster Thickburger? It's like "Yikes!" It contains 1.420 calories and 107 grams of fat. Dave admits that Hardee's has been straightforward about the nutritional concerns surrounding the Thickburger and shows a commercial Hardee's is running right now.
We see the actual commercial lauding the tasty burger. At the end is added, "Warning: Do No Eat."
We added that part.

HOWARD STERN: Paul played "Let's Get Serious" for Howard's entrance. For those who may not know, Howard Stern announced last month he is leaving commercial radio and heading to the new and exciting satellite radio network, Sirius. Paul's "Let's Get Serious" was for his move to Sirius radio. Howard and his show have been coming under lots of scrutiny lately, especially since the nation's "outrage" over the Janet Jackson incident at the Super Bowl. (Have we recovered yet? I know I never will. I still have an eye twitch that I can't control because of it.) The government and the FCC have fined him and his radio stations for the show's content and promises to continue to fine him for whenever he over steps the boundaries? What are those boundaries? Nobody knows. The boundaries are always changing. What Howard was doing a year ago is no longer allowed today. What the FCC thought was fine 5 years ago is deemed inappropriate today and is going back NOW fining Howard for stuff he did in the last century. The censorship and scrutiny is making Howard's job very difficult.
Howard had a lot to say tonight and he was getting it out.
Dave says that he was surprised to learn that Clear Channel owns 1,200 radio stations across the country, practically cornering the market in radio, and now can determine what we hear. Three companies own 60% of all the radio stations! (Sounds like the Wal-Marting of America)
Howard lauds the future of satellite radio. It'll give him the freedom to do and say what he wants and offering him the outlet to create exciting radio. And the listener will be able to hear what he wants to hear. There are 120 commercial-free channels on Sirius radio! I laughed when Howard gave the example of just how much variety is offered. "If you like Bluegrass Country music from the 60's, not the 70's or 80's, but from the 60's, you can get it commercial free." There's also a station for 70's bluegrass and 80's bluegrass. Sirius has got it all.

Right about this time we got a phone call in the shack from one of the writers: "Mel Karmazin was just signed as the new CEO of Sirius." Wow! Breaking news happening right in front of us.

Sirius radio --- it's the future! Get the Sirius radio box for about $150. Getting the Sirius signal will run you $12.95 a month, or about 40 cents a day.

Howard is scheduled to come to Sirius in January of 2006. Dave asks, "Is the entire show going with you? Will Bababooey be there?" Howard assures that everyone is coming to the new place.

Do I like Howard? Yes. He's on 5 hours a day, 5 days a week, LIVE. That's a grueling schedule. And I find 85% of it very entertaining. The naked women on the show? Well, once you've seen one naked woman on the radio, you've pretty much seen them all.

ACT 5: It's Howard among the throngs outside the Ed Sullivan Theater.

ALANIS MORISSETTE: From her platinum-selling CD, "So-Called Chaos," Alanis performed "Knees of My Bees."

And that was our show for Thursday, November 18, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

Here's a coincidence: 19 years ago today, November 18, 1985, Howard Stern's radio show returned to New York City (WXRK, 92.3 FM - afternoon).

Hey! I just got an idea while watching the local news this morning --- Clip-on microphones in colors other than black. As I was watching, I noticed the CBS news anchorwoman had on a lovely peach turtleneck, but my eye was drawn to the black clip-on microphone on her collar. How difficult would it be to have clip-on microphones in 10 different colors? Depending on the color shirt the anchorperson is wearing, you would use the closest-matching color microphone. Less distracting. Good idea? Call me. We'll talk.

Saw something today I never saw before. I was watching "The View" and I saw a guy in the audience . . . .

Denise and I bought some of the satellite stock a few years ago. Denise was excited to make the buy since it was going to be her first stock purchase over the internet. She was going to do it all by herself. We bought XM satellite (XMSR) at around $40. (XM and Sirius are the only two satellite radio stations.) We followed it for weeks and every week it seemed to drop. It was soon down to $14. It was about this time we discovered we must have done something wrong because our purchase never went through. I don't know, maybe we forgot to press the "enter" key. We were quite pleased with our ineptitude. We immediately learned how to do it the right way and bought XM this time for real. Why not? We were able to get a $40 stock for the price of $14! We've since got some of the Sirius, too. They both have been doing pretty well for a year now.

What do you think of all this hoopla over the Terrell Owens/Monday Night Football/Desperate Housewives/naked woman in the locker room promo that took place before the Monday game? When I heard about this I was expecting something really bad. I couldn't believe all the outrage when I finally saw it. It was pretty mild I thought.

Besides, what do you expect from the NFL? Isn't NFL Football "brought to you by . . . .." big cars (going too fast), beer (being enjoyed by the barely legal), and sex pills? The NFL knows to whom they are selling their commercial time, so yeah, I hold them responsible for not only what I see during the game, but during the commercials as well.

Some are saying the Monday Night Football scene was "the wrong place at the wrong time." Their big complaint was the viewer was "ambushed" by this unexpected show of perceived nudity and sex. I can only say that if you thought it was unexpected, then you haven't been watching NFL football closely enough lately.

Ouch. I just twisted my ankle hopping off this soap box.

I wonder if William Shatner goes to TJ Hooker conventions.

FRIDAY'S CBS MAILBAG
LETTER #1: From Michael Morton of Magnolia, Texas - "Dear Dave, Do you think Donald Trump can outrun a taxicab?"
LETTER #2: From Eric Hill of Hilliard, Ohio - "Dear Dave, Have Paul and the CBS Orchestra ever considered making Christmas album?"
LETTER #3: From Oda Anderson Nyborg of Hamar, Norway - "How did you discover Alan?"
LETTER #4: From Casey Tan of Malaysia - "Do you think you would make a good President?"

WILL IT FLOAT ITEM: a 12 pound, 6 ounce can of apple sauce

And a Bababooey to you.

The Wahoo Gazette - where the first draft is the final draft.