We won’t have a LATE SHOW on Tuesday night due to Election Day, but you can get your daily dose of Dave by watching “Decision 2004 Election Showdown Countdown Vote 2004 Democracy Corner.” It’ll be Dave and Paul covering this super-close Presidential election. NBC has their Democracy Plaza at their studios at Rockefeller Center. Dave and Paul will have Democracy Corner. Dave plans on announcing an early winner, hopefully by 9:30, so we can all get to bed early and not be sleepy tired for work on Wednesday. It sounds like Dave has the same philosophy as every other network and cable channel: “It’s better to be first than right.”

The results from the Presidential election may have a lot to do with voter turnout. Still, Dave found this commercial to be odd and inappropriate.

Announcer: “Applebee’s salutes American democracy with a special Election Day offer! Bring in proof that you voted four of more times and get a free platter of our barbecue Riblets! Applebee’s --- Eatin’ Good in the Neighborhood.”

GEORGE W. BUSH PRETENDS TO BE INTERESTED – before introducing this clip, Dave says this may be the last time we will be doing one of these. Since Bush is President, we are interested in what he is doing and what he has to say. If he loses on Election Day, nobody will care what he is doing.
- from an October 26th campaign stop in Richland Center, Wisconsin. A gentleman is telling President Bush about his trials and tribulations of being a homeowner.
- “We were recently able to get a FEMA grant to fix our basement, we had a water problem, and to do some remodeling. We’re looking at new siding, new roofing, maybe add a garage. We’re thinking of building a deck this spring.”
- Bush responds, “Right.”

What about raking the leaves and cleaning the gutters? Are you thinking of doing that? The guy’s probably saving that for when Kerry’s in town.

A MESSAGE FROM JOHN KERRY: “I want you to know / I intend to / take 40 million dollars to Bermuda, hide it, and stick you with the bill.”

Ouch! And knowing Senator Kerry, he’ll probably say the opposite today.

RUPERT AT THE WORLD SERIES – Last Wednesday, we sent Rupert to Game 4 of the 2004 World Series in St. Louis. Dave says hello to Rupert and recaps the exciting journey the Boston Red Sox went through to gain the Championship crown. An impressed Rupert Jee exclaims, “That’s incredible.” Yes, Rupert hides his emotions well.
Rupert at the World Series. We see:
- Rupert w/Stan "The Man" Musial – when the guy says “I’m not Stan Musial,” Rupert covers his microphone and whispers, “Just play along, grandpa.”
- Rupert puts on an umpires chest protector and has people punch him in the stomach.
- Shows a guy how to throw a curveball using the guy’s hot dog.
- Asks a woman what Cardinal she would want to make out with – she says Red Schoendienst.
- Rupert eating tobacco.
- Asks fans to say the name of World Series players with a mouthful of food.
- Rupert performing a 7th inning stretch.
- Rupert touching as many Boston players as he can.
- So what does Rupert think of the first Red Sox World Series championship in 86 years? He dons a Yankee cap and says, “I’m a Yankee fan. Who gives a ‘djoy’.”

TOP TEN: Punchlines to Dirty Election Jokes
#10. “With a poll like that, I’m surprised he can Gallup at all!”
#9. “She starts chanting, ‘Four more minutes! Four more minutes!’”
#8. “That’s not the voting lever, but don’t stop pulling.”
#7. “This isn’t how it looks --- I’m just joining a third party.”
#6. “I prefer Bush, but I don’t know who I’ll vote for.”
#5. “So that’s where Katherine Harris was hiding the Al Gore votes.”
#4. “Unfortunately, his margin of error was plus or minus three inches.”
#3. “Get used to it, honey --- we live in a swing state.”
#2. “I thought you had trouble maintaining an election.”
#1. “I saw your sister with Mary Cheney --- there was no sign of Dick.”

I really liked this Top Ten list. It’s too bad the audience didn’t.

JOHNNY DAMON: Centerfielder for the World Series Champion Boston Red Sox. And to think that not only were the Red Sox 3 outs away from being eliminated from the playoffs, but once they overcame that they had to win 3 more games.

Johnny and the boys enjoyed a festive parade in their honor on Saturday through Boston. Sure they deserved it, but I think the fans deserved the parade as well. They should be feted with a parade of their own.

The Red Sox story of 2004 seems to be more about their defeat of the Yankees than their winning of the World Series vs. the Cardinals, though that may have something to do with my being from New York. The Cardinal thing almost seems like an after thought. Dave asked Johnny about the parade, the Yankee series, the rumors of whiskey drinking before the game, the A-Rod thing, their Idiot label, Nomar, Trot Nixon, and about last year’s playoff against the Yankees. Dave asks Damon if he thought Red Sox manager Grady Tate made a mistake leaving in Pedro Martinez too long in game 7? Obviously in hindsight, Pedro should have been taken out but that doesn’t guarantee that the guy coming in would have shut the Yankees down either.

I was somewhat surprised that Dave mentioned Trot Nixon. Why him, and not Manny Ramirez or David Ortiz or Bellhorn, guys who had a bigger impact on the Series? Actually I was happy Dave did mention Trot Nixon, him being the only Red Sox who came up through their system. (is that right?)

Johnny Damon 2004 playoff and World Series highlights:
Vs. the Anaheim Angels – swept them in 3 games; Damon hit .467
Vs. the NY Yankees – won in 7 games – hit two home runs in Game 7, including a grand slam.
Vs. the St. Louis Cardinals – swept them in 4 games – led off Game 4 with a home run.

Uh oh. I just thought of something. Boston’s first home game in 2005 will be against the New York Yankees. This is the day the Red Sox will proudly and ceremoniously raise their 2004 World Series flag in front of their long and faithful fans. And now the part I fear. I’m sure FOX will want a piece of this and they’ll be angling to show the game in primetime. Boston, please, I beg you. Remain true to your rich tradition and keep your Opening Day in the daytime. This is your day and a day for your fans. Don’t sell it.
I’ll be curious to see what the Red Sox do.

Back from commercial, Dave realizes he made a mistake when he referred to last year’s Boston manager as Grady Tate instead of Grady Little. Who is Grady Tate? Paul Shaffer said Grady Tate is a famous drummer. Imagine that. Paul Shaffer clearing up Dave’s sports error.

ANNE HECHE: Anne is/was angry at Johnny Damon and the Red Sox. Last week on Sunday she had a TV movie on CBS. What was the movie up against? Game 2 of the World Series. How do you think the movie did in the ratings against the World Series? About as well as the Cardinals did against the Red Sox. Barely a blip on the screen.

Dave asks Anne about her child. “You have a son, 2 years old?” Anne corrects Dave. “Actually, I have a daughter.” Dave follows with, “Is his name Grady Tate?”

Kick save and a beauty.

Anne shows some of the scary faces her daughter likes to make, including a scary witch, a ghost, and a monster. Each face looked pretty much like the other. It seems Anne’s daughter has as much range in expressive acting as, say, Matt Leblanc.

Anne can be seen on the WB, Everwood, as well as in the controversial new film, Birth in theaters now. We see a clip from the film, but Anne warns before hand that it may not reveal much. She was right. Watching the little boy in the clip, I fully expected him to say, “I see dead people.”

THE DONNAS: From their CD, Gold Medal, The Donnas performed “Fall Behind Me.”

And that was our show for Monday November 1, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

Right after the show, Dave received a phone. It was Grady Tate saying he would have taken out Pedro.

The only reason I go to the polling place to vote is for the bake sales.

We had a successful Halloween in the neighborhood. Beautiful day here in New York. My girls were a devil and the Scream character seen in the recently stolen painting. The Scream mask was cool in that blood dripped from the head. And once again I slyly put out an empty bowl on the front stoop with the sign, “Take One.”

November 1st is always a special day for me. Back during my senior year in high school, our lovely town voted down the sports budget. This eliminated after school sports. No football, no soccer, no cross country, no tennis, no etc. I had the great misfortune of being the quarterback of that football team. Although the games were eliminated, the practices were not. Each week it was believed an emergency budget or something would pass and we would have a game that week. From double sessions in August we practiced every day except Sundays. Every Monday we were told, “It looks like we may have a game this Saturday against (blank). A few things just have to be worked out.” Come Friday, we would be told, “Sorry, no game.” But still, we practiced. Every day. It was not until November 1st did we finally end up having a game. We won 22-2. Our second game was against the County champs. We lost 22-16 on a blasted kickoff return. We won our 3rd game 8-0 against a team ranked 8th in the State. And that was our season. November 1st was our first game.

My town had nothing in common with the Texas town in Friday Night Lights. In fact, the only lights I saw on Friday night my senior year were neon.

Well now that was anti-climactic. What a snoozer of a World Series. Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox and their fans.

Oh, I had so much to say last week about the World Series but no one to tell it to. It didn’t take long for me to start screaming at the television. Boston was fresh off defeating the Yankees, coming back from 3 games down to win in 7. They were favored to win the World Series. The Boston fans were jumping out of their skin to welcome back their heroes before Game 1. So where is FOX when the Red Sox take the field to open the 2004 World Series? They are plugging, “The World Series, brought to you by . . .” blah blah blah. In the background, behind the logos cluttering up the screen, from the camera far far away in right field so the field looks like a postage stamp, you can see the Red Sox players storm out of the dugout to take the field. It is the official start of the 2004 World Series. The Series is 5 seconds old and FOX already missed the first shot.

Forget about the shots of players walking across home plate, scoring from third base while the batted ball is bouncing helter skelter in the oddly-shaped Fenway outfield. I’m not even going to mention that. It’s useless. So I won’t. Game 1, Manny Ramirez slides to make a catch in left field. He missed it, the ball hitting off his glove and bouncing away. I saw why he dropped it for an error. The announcers and all those people talking in their headsets obviously did not. When Manny went into his slide, a slide one would make sliding into second base, his left knee jammed into the outfield grass kicking up the turf like a golfer does on a divot. He did not slide smoothly, but slid and suddenly jerked to a halt. The abrupt stop caused Manny to miss the ball. With a smooth slide, his mitt would have been where he anticipated the ball would be. With the jerked stop, his mitt was not.

Funniest moment of the World Series. My daughter Dominique saw announcer Joe Buck introducing the start of Game 2. She looks at him and says, “Ewww, look at the shape of his head. He looks like Jimmy Neutron.”
http://www.teleamazonas.com/imagenes_contenido/jimmy.jpg
http://www.homestead.com/ClassicRadio/files/JoeBuck.jpg

And now St. Louis fans everywhere can join Yankee fans and ask, “WHY DIDN’T YOU BUNT AGAINST SCHILLING?” Has anyone explained this yet?

I lost a lot of respect for Ben Affleck. Following Boston’s fantastic finish against the Yankees, this Red Sox fan brings his girlfriend Jennifer Garner to Game 1? He doesn’t have any high school friends who would have given anything to be at the World Series? Ben Affleck brings his girlfriend? C’mon, Benny. You should have done the right thing. And if Jennifer Garner couldn’t understand why Ben would want a high school chum with him for Game 1, then the relationship doesn’t stand a chance. Ben, wouldn’t you rather have a bud sitting next to you talking about a game you both remember in 1992 rather than a girlfriend asking, “Four fouls is an out, right?”

Hey! It’s Election Night. No matter how late it ends, stay up until a winner is announced. It was great drama 4 years ago and I was stunned at how many people went to sleep as early as they did. I’m no fan of the politics but c’mon, it was for the Presidency! Stay up, experience history, and be tired for a day.

By 10:00 AM eastern time, there were already lawsuits and challenges being forwarded over questionable voting practices in Pennsylvania. Yee Haaa! This is going to be so embarrassing. This whole thing has been terribly pathetic.