Earlier today, little Harry made an appearance at the office. Such a nice looking boy! Healthy, strong, curious, and calm. It was fun seeing the little one. Speaking of kids, Dave says that not only do the kids love him, but so do animals. "Kids and animals love me" Dave exclaims and then adds, "except for that one dingo that bit me on the lip a few years ago. Do we have that clip?" The shot of the dog biting Dave was up in less than 10 seconds. Nice job, control room.

It's time to pay a visit to Rupert. No, he's not home at his Hello Deli. He's at the Foxwoods Resort Casino in Mashantucket, Connecticut sitting inside the world's largest Bingo Hall, room enough to accommodate over 3,000 players. So what will Rupert be doing? Playing bingo, of course. We find Rupert in the middle of a game. Dave has an idea . . . . yell out "Bingo!" With little hesitancy, Rupert does. A few minutes later we see a bingo lady check in with Rupert and read out his numbers to the number caller. Sorry, Rupert, you're not a winner. Simply calling out "bingo" doesn't make you have bingo.

I'm sure you heard the news about Jay Leno stepping down from his Tonight Show gig in 2009 and Conan moving over. It'll change the landscape of late night television. But that's not the only difference you'll see in television in 2009. Here are some other changes:

HOW TELEVISION WILL BE DIFFERENT IN 2009
1. The "King of Queens" will move to Bayside.
2. Baltimore's ABC affiliate will start airing "Jeopardy" after "Wheel of Fortune."
3. Shapes of television screens will change from square to the more fun rhombus.
4. New technology will let Dave know when home viewers are giving him the finger. ("I can sense it now," says Dave.)
5. "Law & Order" will replace its ampersand with the word 'and.'
6. 'Today' show merchandise line will discontinue pen and pencil sets. (Dave muses, "Why did we even bother to type this one up?")
7. An entire cable channel will be devoted to the failed situation comedies of Jason Alexander.
8. ESPN decides to stop covering major sporting events to focus entirely on bowling, fishing and billiards. (don't they already do that during Sunday football?)
9. People will finally start to realize that Dr. Phil is full of crap.

Dave gets a big laugh from this and decides, against his better judgment, to do another.

10. Reality show craze peaks with a program called "Beat Me with Lumber."
11. CNN will have added at least two and possibly as many as four 'Ns.'
Earlier in the day, I suggested that to open this piece "HOW TELEVISION WILL BE DIFFERENT IN 2009", we should lower the lights over Paul, have him hold a green flashlight under his chin, and sing in an eerie voice, "In the year 2009 . . . . . in the year 2009. . ." Dave would ask, "Paul, what are you doing?" Paul would respond, "Sorry." And now some others you'll find nowhere but here at the Wahoo Gazette.

-NBC cancels lackluster 'LAX' spin-off "Baggage Claim."
-"60 Minutes" will switch t digital stopwatch.
-Most trusted man in America: CBS Evening News anchor Tony Danza.

A Message from John Kerry: "I am / going / to go / to hell. / And that, is the truth."

George W. Bush Talks Street: Paul is excited for this one. From a recent speech, our President says, "He's what we call a 'home boy.'"
Back from commercial, Dave asks Rupert if he's won yet. Answer: nope. How about "BING"? Did Rupert at least get "BING"? No, again. How about "BIN"? Rupert thinks and says he believes he had "BIN" at least once.

Oh, Dave almost forgot. During little Harry's visit earlier in the day, somebody snapped a snapshot. Dave holds up the photo of the huggable and squeezable Harry. See? Ain't he cute? And Harry is as well.

TOP TEN: Possible Names for Donald Trump's New Cologne:
-The new Donald Trump fragrance will have the scent of citrus, with hints of mint, cucumber, and black basil.
-The cologne will be in stores for the holidays.
-a 3.4 ounce bottle will sell for $60

#10. Over de Comb
#9. Damp Basement
#8. Hey, You Smell Like a Raccoon!
#7. Tramp
#6. I Can't Believe It's Not Selling
#5. Eau de Donald
#4. Chapter 11 for Men
#3. Arrogance
#2. What's That Crap You're Wearing?
#1. You're Fragrant.

And mine, which was not used: - Eau de Bank $1.8 Billion

JOAQUIN PHOENIX: He's in the "Ladder 49" fireman film. He went through intensive training with the Baltimore Fire Department before making the film, nearly 3 and a half hours. He stars in the film with John Travolta. Joaquin admits to having John Travolta's autograph, one he got when he was just a kid. He also admits to having Eric Estrada's. Dave is also impressed with Joaquin's Estrada autograph. Dave then took a second to ask the next question and this is where I "Played the Dave." After Joaquin mentioned his Eric Estrada autograph, I said, "And how about Larry Wilcox's?" Nope. Dave didn't say it. Dang it. When Dave hesitated on the next question, I thought I was a winner.
Joaquin then tells a true story about riding a motorcycle, but places himself in the story when it really happened to a friend. He later admits to the lie.
And I wonder how many times that's true with our other guests?
"Ladder 49" - it opens on Friday.

AUSTIN STEVENS: He's the snakemaster. You can see him on Animal Planets, "Austin Stevens: Snakemaster." Looking at this name, I couldn't help but think of the 6 Million Dollar Man.
As Dave said earlier in the show, he don't like the snakes. Austin showed 3 from his collection today.
1. an Eastern Diamondback Rattlesnake. Austin places the reptile on the demo table. The snake's rattle is really a rattlin'. Austin says the snake rattles its tail when it becomes agitated and annoyed and is preparing to strike. Paul points out that the tail is rattling. Dave was standing far backstage. He knows if he wants to see the snake up close, he can do so later that night at 11:30 at home.
2. Monacle Cobra - cool - every so often the cobra would widen its neck to give it the cobra look. His snake's jowls looked like John Goodman. Snake charmers? A myth. Cobras don't have ears.
3. Albino Burmese Python: Wow, that's big. Austin wraps the yellow and white snake around his body. Big, heavy, powerful, impressive.

TONY MENDEZ GIVES AWAY THE ENDING TO MOVIES IN SPANISH I don't know the Spanish but I was living in New York City I've been able to pick up the some of the lingo through the years. Tony was talking about Star Wars and the Jedi movie. Something about Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader. One of them dies.
Dave interrupts and tells Tony, "The Star Wars movies came out over twenty years ago. Everyone knows how they end."
An angry Tony becomes angry and exits angrily, ranting and raving and ripping his cue cards with anger on the way out.

I never saw any of the Star Wars movies. I don't like the Sci-Fi. In Science Fiction, the writer can make up anything he wants. It doesn't have to be within reason. To me, all Science Fiction movies are like "Courageous Cat and Minute Mouse." Whenever Courageous Cat gets in trouble, he pulls out a special 'gun' which brings him to safety. There's no logic to it, and there doesn't have to be. It's Science Fiction.

ACT 5: It's bingo players at the Bingo hall at the Foxwoods Resort Casino.

SWITCHFOOT: From their new CD, "The Beautiful Letdown," Switchfoot performed "Dare You To Move."

And that was our show for Wednesday, September 29, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

YOO-HOO UPDATE: Regional drink or National? I asked this when Dr. Phil said he never heard of Yoo-Hoo. Being somewhat of similar age, I was surprised he was unaware of the Chocolate Yoo-Hoo.

From Montgomery, Texas, Steve Meeker writes:

"Just the name alone should tell you that we don't have Yoo Hoo in Texas. If we did, it would be called Hey Y'all. (ba-dum-bum tsch). Speaking of regional products, I pity those of you who have never tasted Blue Bell Ice Cream. There is nothing like it. Almost any flight leaving Texas will have at lease one container of Blue Bell packed in dry ice, being delivered to some dis-placed Texan living far away. It is so popular it has become part of the culture."

"I'm 23 and I know Yoo-Hoo has been down here in Texas for at least the last decade. I was introduced to it around 12 years of age. I found at their website that there's a Yoo-Hoo bottling plant in FL and Louisiana but no telling how long they've been distributing to the south. My conclusion? Dr. Phil needs to spend less time on the couch and more time in the 7-11."

"Growing up in northern Minnesota, well after Phil McGraw was spawned in Texas,(born in '77) I am aware of Yoo Hoo. I have never seen an advertisement for it, but it was sold in convenient stores at least from the late 80's 'till today."

DAN & DOM
My soon-to-be 9-year-old Danielle had a homework assignment the other day. She needed to list the 9 planets in order, starting with the one closest to the sun and ending with the one farthest from the sun. I was up to "Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn . . ." I wasn't sure which came next, Uranus or Neptune. Seeing I was stuck, Danielle scurried to the computer, clicked on the Google, and typed in "planets." She came back with her answer in about a minute. Wow. I thought back to my days as a 3rd grader. If I didn't know something for school, I would have to get my mom or dad to drive me to the library, look through the index catalog, peruse the Dewey Decimal System, find the book, check the index, and then find the information I was looking for. What took Danielle a minute to find would have taken me an hour. I guess I don't appreciate our advancements in technology. I sometimes find myself yelling at my computer when it is 2 seconds slower than I wish, "C'mon! C'mon! What's taking so long?!"

Her twin, Dominique, had this idea for the Late Show. She said, "Why not have a regular show, except the whole audience be school children?"
I told her, "Sorry, Dominique, Conan already did that."
Then I realized that Dominique at 9 years old is coming up with ideas worthy of network television.