It’s Day 13 for Martha Stewart in the Alderson Federal Prison. Dave checks in to see how she’s doing via our very expensive satellite hook-up. YIKES! It doesn’t look like a good time for this as there appears to be a big fight among the incarcerated ladies.

Dave says the Red Sox are living under some kind of curse. It’s been in all the papers. But there is nothing Dave hates more than when somebody tries to hop on the bandwagon and take advantage of a situation. Dave saw something today that really irked him.

Announcer: “After trailing the New York Yankees three games to zero in the American League Championships, the Boston Red Sox made an astonishing comeback. By winning Game 4 in a dynamic 12-inning epic, and beating the odds again in Game 5 and Game 6, the Red Sox have demonstrated that there is on such thing as a lost cause --- no matter how hopeless it may seem.
Paid for by Ralph Nader.”

“George W. Bush and John Kerry are running neck-and-neck, according to the latest Zogby poll. The Zogby poll also indicates that John Zogby is hunky, sensitive, wealthy, and knows how to treat a woman right. So ladies, for more data about the Presidential race, or to hook yourself up with some sweet Zogby action, visit www.Zogby.com.

BIFF HENDERSON’S FUN WITH A STOPWATCH: Biff is confident the Yankees will win tonight – it’s Mickey Mantle’s birthday. And if they don’t win, it’s because they choked. Dave feels very confident that the Yankees are going to win. And since we didn’t know who won that game as we taped at 5:30-6:30, for editing purposes Dave says how he knew all along that the Red Sox would come back and win the Series. Yes, the Red Sox are that good, and Dave knew it all along.

What does Biff have for us tonight? He went out to the streets of New York and timed things with a stopwatch.
- how long will it take before someone helps him find a “lost” contact lens? (2:02)
- how long to make a baby smile?
- how long can Biff eaves drop on a person talking on a cell phone before moving away? (:54)
- how long can he cough until the person gets up and leaves? After 47 seconds, the woman says, “I know who you are. . . .”
- How long can Biff hold a photo of Donald Trump before someone says, “You’re Fired”? (1:46)
- more coughing (:43)
- And back to the smiling baby – Biff finally makes him smile after 6:58)

TOP TEN: Signs It’s Autumn in New York.
#10. 20% increase in crimes committed with rakes.
#7. Because of Daylight Saving Time, Conan O’Brien now has 5 years and 1 hour until he replaces Leno.
#3. CBS has documents that prove it’s spring.
#2. The Mets are not playing.

SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR: She’s been married to Freddie Prinze, Jr. for two years now and everything is going great. How has marriage changed her life? She does less dating now. Go out to dinner? Well, Freddie’s the chef. Sarah burned down her kitchen during her stay in Tokyo. What was she cooking? Not much. Mostly she was just warming up stuff. When the kitchen caught fire, Sarah quickly grabbed for the fire extinguisher. Unfortunately, it was a Japanese fire extinguisher. Fortunately, most fire extinguishers are the same; simply pull the plug and squeeze. She survived but the kitchen was well done.

While in Tokyo, Sarah was blessed by a sweet potato man. Sarah stars in the new thriller film, The Grudge. It opens Friday. Something about a haunted house. When I was in my early 20’s, I went to all the scary movies as soon as they came out. I learned that the killer is behind the 3rd door. The stray cat is behind the 2nd door. Everyone screams when the cat jumps out. Once you realize it’s only a cat, you relax. Then the killer jumps out from behind the 3rd door.

He see a clip from The Grudge. In the scene, Sarah becomes frightened when a big head of hair comes toward her. If she really wants to know what scary is, she should see what it’s like to have a big head of hair start falling from your skull.

TONY KANAAN: He’s the 2004 IRL Indycar Series Champion. Dave congratulates Tony. Dave reminds Tony that his driver, Buddy Rice, won the Indianapolis 500. Tony says, “Yeah, I was right behind him.” Dave says, “But you didn’t win the Indianapolis 500.”

Tony set quite a few records this season in the IRL, including most points (618), having completed every lap of competition this season (3,305), had 15-consecutive top-five finishes this year, and led for more laps throughout the year than anyone in IRL history.

Tony grew up in Brazil and when he was just a kid his dad brought him to a go-cart race. He fell in love with go-cart racing and begged his father for a go-cart. His father died when Tony was only 13. The day before he died, he told Tony to “take care of your mother and don’t stop racing.” The next day Tony had a race and went out and won the pole position and the race. His winning the Championship made Tony think of his father, knowing it must have made him very proud. Tony will be going back to Brazil now that the season is over, and he is very famous and popular there. Auto racing is like the Super Bowl down there.

ACT 5: It’s time for Celebrities Who Won’t Appear on The LATE SHOW.
Governor Schwarzenegger is in meetings, hoping to balance the California budget.
Al Pacino is currently filming a movie in Vancouver and isn’t available at this time.
And actor Hume Cronyn won’t be on our show because he’s dead.
This has been Celebrities Who Won’t Appear on The LATE SHOW.

SPARTA: From their CD, Porcelain, Sparta performed “Breaking the Broken.”

And that was our show for Wednesday October 20th. Wahoo EXTRA!

Early voting is underway in Florida. It may be premature but this morning Dan Rather declared Kerry the winner.

TIME: 7:00 PM, Wednesday night – one hour before the Yankee/Red Sox Game 7.

I’m certainly glad I am no longer emotionally involved in my favorite sport teams. Living through this Series would be unbearable if I were. When did it all change?

Many years back, the mid-80s perhaps, the San Francisco 49ers defeated my New York Giants on the 49ers way to the Super Bowl. The Giants’ season ended too soon for me, my dreams dashed and slashed of a Giant Super Bowl victory. I hated 49er quarterback Joe Montana for beating the Jints and ending my hope for glory. My hatred for Montana did not ebb. Ooh, I was so mad. Then a few weeks later I’m watching the football Pro Bowl All-Star game. I’m hoping Montana gets crushed. It was weeks later and I was still livid at Montana. And then there on the sideline of the Pro Bowl, right there for all to see, was Joe Montana joking and laughing and having a good old time with Giants linebacker Lawrence Taylor. They were like . . . FRIENDS! It wasn’t right! I was still not over the Giants losing to the 49ers. I was still filled with rage. And there on the TV, my most hated player, Joe Montana, was having fun with my most favorite player Lawrence Taylor. How could that be? They should be enemies! I then wondered why I should be filled with anger if the participants in the game were not. Something wasn’t right. It was then that I decided I had to re-examine my devotion to these silly games. Ever since, though I still do follow my favorite teams and root hard, I do not get emotionally involved. Now I just sit back and yell at the TV screen, “ENTERTAIN ME!”

HEY, I GOT A JOKE FOR YA!
It’s a new feature to make my job easier. It’s something I call “Hey, I Got A Joke For Ya!” Do you have a topical joke that you would tell if you had a late night talk show? If so, send it in! No, but seriously folks . . .

“Last month Oprah have away brand new cars to her entire studio audience. On today's show, she's giving away flu shots!”
- Mark Smith, Baldwin, NY

And now it’s on to the World Series for the Boston Red Sox. Could this be the year? Could the World Series match the Presidential election? Massachusetts vs. Texas? We will know Thursday night. I’ll be rooting for Boston. Ooooh, I wonder if this will be my Red Sox baptismal disappointment?

Either match up will be good: Boston vs. Houston and Clemens, or Boston vs. the St. Louis Cardinals, both teams rich in history. That one will make me feel young at least. The 1967 Boston/St. Louis World Series is the first World Series I really remember following. I was 9 years old.

I know I shouldn’t do this, every Sox fan knows, but I’m going to discuss how FOX should handle the 9th inning of Game 6 or 7 when Boston is on the verge of winning the World Series at Fenway Park. Hold on to your hats. You may not believe this. I want crowd shots. That’s right, crowd shots. To me, Boston winning the World Series is more about the fans than the team. Baseball teams change from year to year. Players come and go very quickly these days, many on their own volition. For instance, only 4 current Yankees played on their previous World Series championship. It is the fans who are the constant. They are there year after year after year. No current Red Sox player had to live through the 1986 World Series loss to the New York Mets. No Red Sox player lived through the Game 7 loss to the 1975 Reds. No Red Sox player was around for the 1967 Game 7 loss to the St. Louis Cardinals. No Red Sox player was around in 1946 when they lost Game 7 again to the St. Louis Cardinals. The fans, though, were there throughout. That is why I want crowd shots, not a shot of the 18-year-old fan, but the quiet elderly man who remembers Enos Slaughter in ‘46. The 50-year-old who was there when Yaz had his magical year of 1967. I’m not that interested in the millionaire ballplayer who hasn’t won a World Series yet at the age of 27. I’m interested in the dignified gentleman who has been there since black and white TV.

That’s one thing I want to see. The other thing I want is for FOX not to go to commercial after the bottom of the 8th inning and going into the final top of the 9th. Keep the cameras in the stadium. This is the time to show us the fans; show us their anticipation, their excitement, and perhaps their fear of what they know is always lurking around the corner. And after the game, show us how they react. Show us the man of 45 who is sitting weeping in his seat, thinking of his father and grandfather, no longer with alive, who never had the chance to experience what he is feeling now.

Oh, and if the Astros win, show us Mrs. Phil Garner.

So that’s my plea to FOX. They should be making the plans NOW for the final shot. If the Sox are leading in Game 6 or Game 7 going into the top of the 9th, NO COMMERCIALS! Stay with the game. The money they lose in revenue will be paid back in high praise from the media and home viewers. That’s what I would do if I ruled the world

Now that Yankee baseball is over, it’s time to start following hockey.