It’s Day 11 of Martha Stewart’s incarceration at the Alderson Federal Prison in West Virginia. We take a look at how she’s doing via our satellite hook-up. Oh, look, it’s a prison riot! And Martha’s in the middle of it.

Have you heard about the monkey shortage? Medical scientists who need the monkeys to do their research are feeling the pinch of the monkey shortage. It’s so serious that the government has released this message:

“Over the years, monkeys have helped scientists develop countless medical breakthroughs. But now, researchers face a critical monkey shortage. Here’s how you can help. First, limit your monkey usage. If you normally go through five monkeys a week, try to get by with only three. Ask a licensed professional about breeding your monkey. And finally, when you no longer need your monkey, don’t just throw it away --- take it to your nearest monkey recycling facility. With these simple steps, we can all enjoy a bright monkey-rich future. A message from the National Institutes of Health and the Ad Council.

ANNOUNCER: “President Bush claims he cares about protecting the environment. Yet in recent days, across large parts of the country, something terrible has happened to millions of trees. Their leaves have turned bright colors and fallen off.
Help turn around this ecological disaster. Vote for John Kerry --- friend of the earth.”

Bush: “We have fought the terrorists across the earth --- not for pride, not for power, but because the lives of our citizens are at stake. Our strategy . . . .” Suddenly a guy screams out, “We love ya, W!”

PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER: Our 39th President. He turns 80 this month.

In his 60’s, he climbed Mount Kilimanjaro. In his 70’s he climbed Mt. Fuji. At 80, he walked to his woodshed without falling down. He’s recently written his first novel, “The Hornet’s Nest,” about the Revolutionary War. With research and all, it took him 7 years to write. During that time, he wrote 3 other books. (Big deal. Try writing the Wahoo Gazette every day.) What he learned while writing “The Hornet’s Nest” was the surprising bloodiness and the hatred in that war, and the important role the South played. Many of the War’s most crucial battles took place in the South.

How’s this election look? It’s a dead heat. He has gone and watched over 52 elections world wide. In order to be present at an election in another country, he must be invited by both sides. This is why he doesn’t think he’ll be able to attend the Presidential election in Florida.

The recent election in Afghanistan? It was a safe election and a major step forward.

The election in Iraq if January? The question remains will there be enough peace and stability in the street to ensure the safety of its citizens. The key to Iraq getting back on its feet is for the people of Iraq to take over, we need to step back and allow it, and then we need to gradually withdraw. Iraq needs to run its own affairs.

Carter believes being an active Commander-in-Chief in wartime elevates a President’s standing more than it may warrant. The Iraqi war is helping Bush in this election.

Carter won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2002 for goals he achieved during and after his presidency. Was he surprised? Did he expect it? Carter says he was very surprised and had no idea it was coming. He was notified of the Award when he was shaken from his sleep.

I realized something earlier in the day that nearly made me cry. Today’s interns weren’t yet born during the Carter administration.

BRANDI CHASTAIN: Winner of 2 World Cups and 2 Olympic Gold Medals. She has written a book, “It’s Not About the Bra,” though Dave was wishing it were. The book is about fair play, having fun, but playing hard as well.

My soccer story: Dominique, my 8-year-old, has been playing soccer for 3 years. In the first game she ever played she picked the ball up and started running with it like a football. Then they put her at goalie. She wasn’t ready for the position but she liked wearing the yellow jersey and gloves. The other team scored against her. I was afraid she would start crying. Instead she started jumping up and down and yelling excitedly to the other girl, “You got a goal! You got a goal!” The second year she took it more seriously and the losing really bothered her. You could see her pouting and complaining and getting angry throughout the game. I worked on that the whole year and she is much better about it now. This year after a tough loss, one of the stars on the team really was ticked off over a late goal scored by the other team. Dominique went up to the teammate and offered with a sigh, “But it’s only a game.” The teammate didn’t really want to hear that at that moment and I can’t blame her.

I think I’ll assign Dominique to read Brandi’s book this winter vacation.

ACT 5: It’s time for a LATE SHOW Birthday Greeting.

The LATE SHOW would like to wish a very happy 44th birthday to “The Muscles from Brussels,” Jean-Claude Van Damme. Jean-Claude was born in Belgium on this date in 1960. His dazzling martial arts skills have been featured in films like “Cyborg,” “Universal Soldier,” and “Timecop.” Honestly, we thought you were dead! Happy Birthday, Jean-Claude! This has been a Late Show Birthday Greeting.”

And that was our show for Monday October 18, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

The flu shots are reminding me of Tickle Me Elmo. If no one said there was a shortage, nobody would be running out to get one.

But enough about that nonsense, let’s talk about why we’re here.

How anyone could think anything but baseball is the greatest sport is beyond me. Monday night’s Yankee/Red Sox game with David Ortiz at bat in the 14th was fantastic drama. 9-10-11 pitches, 2 men on, tie score. Great fun. And I’m calling it fun because the Yankees were up 3 games to 1 at the time. Do that again Tuesday night and it won’t be as much fun, and if it happens again Wednesday night I’ll be chewing on the furniture.

Sunday morning I was listening to the New York radio sports shows and they were all talking how this Series was over with the Yankees being up 3 games to 0. I knew they were wrong. All Boston had to do was win that first game on Sunday, then they would have Pedro and Schilling going in game 5 and 6. The Series could easily go to 3-3 just like that. And it looks like it may go there. Tuesday night, Schilling vs. Lieber. Wednesday night if necessary, Kevin Brown vs. whoever’s the Red Sox have left standing. And it’ll be a tired Kevin Brown at that. I was a big Islander hockey fan in 1975 and they came back 3 games to 0 against the Pittsburgh Penguins to win in 7 games so I know it can happen. In fact, that Islander team followed that series with being down 3 games to 0 against the Philadelphia Flyers and then ending up losing in 7 games. Where is this Yankee/Red Sox series going? Thank goodness it’ll be over tonight with a Yankee win at the Stadium. Enough is enough.

Yikes. This Yankee/Red Sox thing is starting to get to me.

And right after the Yankee/Red Sox game last night, the Houston Astros/St. Louis Cardinal game comes on, 0-0 in the 9th inning. With a man on first, Astro 1st baseman Jeff Bagwell hits a high infield pop-up. It’s ruled a dead ball when it hits the roof. Ahh, gee whiz. Will we have to put up with that garbage in the World Series? A brand new baseball stadium and the baseball hits the roof? We can’t have that in a World Series. And who is the old lady Astro fan in the crowd the camera keeps cutting to? I certainly don’t want to be seeing that time and time again in a 7-game series. So that’s it, I guess I’ll be pulling for the Cardinals to win this playoff series and face either the Yanks or Boston . . . . . that is, if the Cardinal fans don’t have those thunder clappers in the crowd.

How often did a baseball hit the roof at the old Astrodome? I never liked the place but I don’t recall too many baseballs hitting the roof there.

The Diamond Cam – please FOX, admit it’s nothing more than a gimmick. We’ve seen what it can do, now get rid of it. It really is worthless and gets tiring real fast. All I can hope for is that a team loses the playoffs because a ball hits the protruding camera lens. Then we can all sit back and watch FOX and Major League Baseball explain why it happened.

I’m wondering how many people last night were trying to decide whether to watch Monday Night Football or the baseball game. FOX execs probably believe this scene happened in thousands of homes across the country:

GUY #1: So which is it? Baseball of football tonight?
GUY #2: Let’s watch baseball. FOX has that Diamond Cam!

Here I think is the problem with the plethora of cutaway shots during a baseball game. The director has all these monitors in front of him of various camera shots. He feels a need to use all of them. But while he’s doing this, out of the corner of his eye he’s watching the key camera shot of the pitcher and the batter. He has that luxury of seeing what’s happening on the mound and batter’s box. WE DON’T! When the pitcher is preparing to throw a crucial pitch, all we see is a woman in the crowd with her hands up to her lips, or a besotted bearded guy wearing his baseball cap inside out. All we see out of the corner of our eye is a picture of our in-laws near the TV stand.