It’s the second Friday in October.

The Presidential debate is about to take place as we tape the show? Things are really getting testy between the candidates. We take a look at the LIVE feed from Washington University in St. Louis, Missouri. We see a “donnybrook of monumental scope” taking place. (Wahoo sneak peek – the footage was from a Mike Tyson/Lennox Lewis press conference). I stole “donnybrook of monumental scope” from Leon Uris’ Trinity. I always liked that line.

A MESSAGE FROM JOHN KERRY: “I have a plan to fight a smarter, more effective war on terror. / As President, I will / give $18 billion to help / Osama in Laden and the terrorists.”

A MOMENT WITH GEORGE W. BUSH: From an August 6th speech at the Unity Journalists of Color Convention – “Tribal sovereignty means that, it’s sovereign. You’re a --- you’ve been given sovereignty, and you’re viewed as a sovereign entity.”

CBS MAILBAG
1. From Wally MacButter of Montreal Quebec
“What’s the latest juciest (sic) gossip at the Late Show?”
Wally MacButter? He used to hang out with Mayor McCheese. Dave says the best place to go for the latest LATE SHOW gossip is our LATE SHOW newsletter. We can mail it directly to your home. Have you seen the commercial?

Announcer: “Are you dying to uncover the secrets of backstage life at ‘The Late Show’?
Juicy details like, ‘Where does Paul Shaffer buy his suits?’
And ‘What does Dave Letterman eat for lunch?’
If so, order your subscription to the ‘Late Show Insider,’ and if you act now, you’ll get this . . .
(See nude centerfold of Alan Kalter. A blue dot covers his red dot)
. . . a sexy limited edition centerfold of Late Show announcer Alan Kalter. Call now --- operators are standing by.”
Cut to a smiling Alan, “It’s really quite informative!”

Dave thinks that would be fun, especially since it’s shot right here in New York City. Dave is really behind the idea and that is why we invited to the show CSI:NY executive produce and creator Anthony Zuicker to drop by and discuss the possibility. Dave introduces Mr. Zuicker, “Please welcome, Mr. Anthony Zuicker!” Camera cuts to the guest entrance. No entrance. Music from Paul continues . . . . still no Mr. Zuicker. Where is he? The camera approaches the guest entrance and we see just behind the wall. A dead body is sprawled on the floor. Cops look on and investigate. Biff says, “Uh, Dave. I’m afraid Mr. Zuicker won’t be hiring anyone ever again.”

3. From Mark Ritchey of Houston Texas
“Do you find Republicans more entertaining than Democrats?"
Dave doesn’t particularly think so, but admits that tonight’s debate was certainly entertaining. The Presidential debate was carried on many networks, including Spanish-speaking ones. Watching Telemundo gives an insight as to how they view our current political landscape. We see a promotional announcement from Telemundo. It was entirely in Spanish, but I could pick up, “flip-flopping tight ass” and “el moron grande.”

4. From Nina Duran of San Antonio, Texas
“Dave, What if finding the love of your life meant changing the life that you love?”
Ah, yes. This is a line from a song Dave once heard. He asks Paul if he is familiar with it. Of course, Paul knows exactly what song Dave is talking about. And it goes like this:

PAUL:
What if finding the love of your life
Meant changing the life that you love?
What if listening to your heart
Meant losing what you’re dreaming of?

What if all that you want to do
Is to drive out your mortal foe?
But the Godless American jackals
Refuse to let you go?

Oh infidels . . . you infidel pig-dogs. ..
This is your warning . . . this is our jihad . . .

Oh infidels . . . you infidel pig dogs,
Prepare for the wrath of God

And that was Mailbag.

WILL IT FLOAT? Tonight’s item: a 7 and a half ounce jar of Marshmallow Fluff.
Dave thinks this isn’t a very good item. He’s not happy with the object. He looks over to Alan and asks, “Did you pick that item?” An eternally grinning Alan pipes, “Yes, I did.” Big chuckle from me. Laughed hard at the silly Mr. Kalter.
And what are we playing for? Alan chimes, “It’s a brand new house!”
Both Dave and Paul declare the item will float. The Will It Float girls drop the Marshmallow Fluff into the Will It Float tank and it . . . . FLOATS! YES! It’ll be a festive Will It Float post-party tonight!

TOP TEN: Questions Audience Members Were Not Allowed to Ask During Tonight’s Debate.
#10. Who’s a better one-term President – you or your father?
#9. Is it annoying being married to a woman who always smells like ketchup?
#6. Senator Kerry, what impact do you think your large, canoe-shaped head will have on the economy? (I don’t like making fun of a person’s appearance but I laughed at the descriptive “canoe-shaped head.”)
#2. Do you think John Edwards would be interested in dating a New Jersey governor?

BROOKE SHIELDS: She’s in the Broadway revival of the musical “Wonderful Town.” Brooke is a first-time mom has a one and half year old daughter. She admits it’s changed her life tremendously. More than she expected. Has being a new dad changed Dave? Dave says it has; “I had to cut down on my dating.”

Brooke’s husband became very concerned about the baby one night when he prepared her for a bath. The baby’s belly button was completely swollen. He feared it was infected. She feared it may be an outie and she would be teased by the school kids later in life. It turned out to be a Cheerio. It was a perfectly lodged Cheero in the little one’s belly button that was there all day.

(Ed note: – Did you know Cheerios were originally called “CheeriOats”?

Most of us know Brooke Shields got a very early start in show business. How early? We have a photo of her from an Ivory Soap ad. She is just an 11-month old baby. Brooke stars in the Broadway musical “Wonderful Town.” She wants Dave to come to a show. Dave reminds Brooke that on Broadway he is known as “Mr. First Night.” Will he come? Mmmmm. I think the odds are slim. Remember, he’s Mr. First Night. If he misses opening night, it’s unlikely he’ll make it later. Brooke explains the show which involves lots of singing and dancing. At the end, Dave says, “Great. Let’s take a look at a clip.” He turns to watch the monitor. Brooke looks along with Dave, then is stunned. You can almost see her frantically ask herself, “What clip is he talking about?” There is no clip. Brooke, you’ve been X’d! Or Punk’d!

BARRY SONNENFELD: Funny man. Funny stories. He’s a big-time Hollywood director who is in between jobs right now . . . . which is an optimistic way of saying “Looking for work.”

Barry has run into some trouble based on his last appearance on the show. It seems he said some things he shouldn’t have. He referred to Steven Spielberg as “Speily.” His mother, now deceased, was mad at him for saying she looked like Vincent Gardenia. Barry mentions his friend Graham. Why? Because each time he does, Graham promises him $100.

What’s with the braces? Barry has braces. He took his daughter to the dentist. His daughter told the doctor, “You should see my father’s teeth. They’re awful.” The doctor got a look at Barry and, I don’t know, gassed him maybe, and convinced him to get some braces.

So what is Barry doing now? He has a new hobby: Photography. And Martinis. Barry and his wife, Sweetie, started a tradition this year of drinking every night beginning at 5 PM sharp. At sunset, Barry would take a photo of a martini while sitting on the deck of their summer home in Telluride in Colorado. What kind of martini does Barry drink; a vodka martini or gin martini? Barry says he goes with the vodka. “Gin makes for an angry drunk.” Dave laughs, and with some introspection, considers that may have been his problem with drinking: too much gin.

ACT 5: CBS NEWS RETRACTION:
This is a CBS News Retraction.
CBS News and CBS management have learned that a recent CBS News report was inaccurate. Based on what we now know, CBS News cannot prove that documents used to support the story are authentic.
We now acknowledge that actress Helen Hunt did not erupt this week.
The story should have discussed the eruption of Mount St. Helens in Washington, not Academy Award winning actress Helen Hunt in Hollywood.
We deeply regret the error and apologize for the confusion. This has been a CBS News Retraction.

And that was out show for Friday October 8, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

It’s time to cancel my Time Magazine subscription. Here’s why. On the route of my evening commute home, Time Magazine erected a huge billboard. The billboard has a picture of George W. Bush and John Kerry. An outline of Time Magazine swings back and forth like a pendulum. It swings and stops at the 2:00 position, then swings down and back up to the 10:00 position. At the 2:00 position, Bush’s face is seen within the Time Magazine outline. At the 10:00 position, the Time Magazine outline surrounds Kerry’s face. So why am I canceling my Time Magazine subscription? Because every entertainment-starved commuter slows down to look at this blasted billboard. From 70th Street on the West Side Highway up to the billboard at 135th Street, the traffic crawls. This costs me at least 10 minutes a night. Sure, I should be angry at the commuters but there’s no way to punish them. I can only blame the messenger, Time Magazine. So no more Time Magazine for me. Once past the billboard, traffic opens up and it’s a fly to the George Washington Bridge. I think I know how Reagan felt when he cried out, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.” I feel the same way about this billboard.

The New York papers are still lauding Derek Jeter’s daring dash home from 3d base Wednesday night in the 12th to win the game. It was a very risky tag-up, and if he had been thrown out, the second-guessing in the news and radio would have been deafening. But since he made it, nobody’s questioning the move. Me? I think Jeter’s the best and smartest “baseball player” in the game. He caught the rightfielder flat-footed . . . . and unprepared. I admit, when I saw Jeter was tagging up I yelled, “What are you doing?!” I wouldn’t have tagged up. Jeter did. Jeter scored. One thing I know for sure. Jeter would have thrown out Jeter.

Derek Jeter hustles even when no one is looking his way. It’s why he was in position to throw out Jeremy Giambi at home a few years back.

WAHOO ENTERTAINMENT
The History of the Tootsie Roll
1896: Austrian immigrant Leo Hirshfield brings to the U.S. his recipe for a chocolatey, chewy candy, which he begins producing in a small store in New York City. Hirshfield names the candy after his five-year-old daughter, whose nickname is "Tootsie."

Great news! My favorite local band from the late 70’s - early 80’s, Finn and the Sharks, ARE BACK! They’ll be performing at a small joint not too far from home called The Turning Point in December. My ticket order has already been made. I did a quick Google check and was happy to find a small bio on the band.
http://www.turningpointcafe.com/finn.html
The lead singer, James Finnen, sang at my wedding.