We have something special tonight. Behind Dave is Mt. Late Show. It's a huge volcano and it looks like it's ready to blow any minute. Dave picks up the controls and presses the button. Seconds later, smoke billows from the angry crater. Dave enjoys this and you know we'll be seeing this much of the night.

When Dave pressed the button, smoke did not appear for about 3 seconds. Of course, 3 seconds on LIVE TV seems like 30. Dave was informed the smoke would not be instantaneous but still, that 3 second wait of not know whether it would work or not seemed eternal.

Immediately after the show, Dave was on the phone with Hammacher Schlemmer ordering one of those volcanoes for the house.
I missed the pre-show Q&A but apparently a gentleman, in his big moment to talk to a real live TV star, could only muse, "Are you wearing makeup?"

WOULD YOU LIKE TO TOUCH THE MEAT? - We head over to Rupert's to say hello and catch up on things. Rupert is in a happy mood these days as Chad Pennington and the Jets are 3-0 early in the season.
Come to think of it, shouldn't Pennington play for the Bears? He and they would then be known as Pennington's Bears.
To promote return business to the Hello Deli, Dave suggests Rupert dispense with some free hot chocolate. Rupert, always with an eye on the bottom line, asks, "Do you think it would work?" I imagine Rupert is already thinking, "Free hot chocolate, but the cup is 75 cents."
Tonight we're playing "Would You Like To Touch The Meat?" The camera pans over to the meat case and we see it covered with Hello Deli sandwich selections (still no sign of a Wahoo Hoagie). How will we see the contestant touching the meat? Rupert says the camera will follow them behind the counter. Rupert opens his counter door and the camera follows. Dave warns Rupert, "don't back into the broiler." Being a comedy, musical, or variety show, Dave decides to sing it: "Don't back into the broiler, don't back into the broiler, don't back into the broiler.

A MESSAGE FROM JOHN KERRY: "I believe I / need to be / put in jail."

Dave takes more time to play with the volcano. Will it be back for tomorrow's show? I don't think it's been mentioned yet but I will bring it up Wednesday morning at the meeting. Some are a little worried that when Mt. St. Helens blows its lid, some nearby may perish. Over 50 did so back in 1980. This would not make for good comedic fodder.

GEORGE W. BUSH IRAQI UPDATE: From a September 24th "Focus on Education" campaign stop in Janesville, Wisconsin.
"If Saddam Hussein were in power, the world would be better off . .. NOT! The world would be worse off, not better off."

No, we did not do that GW Bush Iraqi Update yesterday. It just seems like we did. Same idea, different clip.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO TOUCH THE MEAT? Back to Rupert, who is with Allison, a school teacher from Chinatown. She teaches 2nd and 3rd graders. How are the kids? "Wonderful." Dave is worried that today's kids are turning into brats, punks, and thugs. I may be mistaken but I believe "Brats, Punks, and Thugs" is an old Sonny and Cher song.
Does Rupert have any questions for Allison? The shrewd entrepreneur says, "No." OK, let's play. 30 seconds. Allison, touch the meat! Allison gently touches Rupert's display of meat. As the clock ticks, she becomes more aggressive with her touch. She picks up some of the meat, holds it up to her ear, to her eye, to her mouth. She quickly becomes animated in her approach, realizing she is all that's on CBS at the moment. The clock expires. Boy, what fun. Dave says to Allison, "You're the first person to ever listen to the meat." At Rupert's, the meat usually starts talking to you AFTER you've eaten.
For her participation, Allison wins a Hello Deli deli platter and another item I've long forgotten. Allison reacts with phony excitement.

TOP TEN: Things Auto Racing has Taught Me.
#8. How many of you losers know what a Wicker Bill is?
#6. I'd trade everything for a talking car like Knight Rider
#3. Even if you're one of the best race car drivers of all time, you still have to do crap like this.
#1. Never get in a car with Letterman - he's nuts!

Mario Andretti:
-Four-time Champ Car National Champion (1965, 1966, 1969, 1984)
-Formula One World Champion (1978)
-Daytona 500 winner (1967)
-Indianapolis 500 winner (1969)
-Named "Driver of the Century" by the Associated Press and by Racer Magazine

ANNETTE BENING: This is the first time she has been on Dave's show, either here or at the Late Night. I liked Annette. She looks like a real classy dame. I kept thinking, "Isabella Rossellin and Cokie Roberts." Before settling in and getting too comfortable, Annette asks if she can play with the volcano. Dave is more than happy to oblige.
Dave and Annette share stories about their children, Annette being a mom of 4. She's been married to Warren Beatty for 13 years. The audience applauds. I've been married for 16 years. . . . . . . done applauding? I'll wait.
Annette plays the lead in her new film, "Being Julia." Her character is a famous theater actress who is starting to worry that she's growing older and will soon be out of favor. How to confront this? Have an affair with a younger man, of course. "Being Julia" - it opens October 15th.

Back from commercial, Dave says, "Warren is jealous - - - I let her trigger my volcano.

BILL O'REILLY: From FOX News, "The O'Reilly Factor" and author of the new book, "The O'Reilly Factor for Kids." The book should work because when I think of O'Reilly, I think of kids! In fact, O'Reilly refers to himself as "Barney" O'Reilly in the book.
As for the Presidential debate last week, Bill says it was clear that Kerry outperformed Bush. He also explains that debating isn't a strong point for Bush. He's not a performer. Kerry is much more relaxed in that element, a natural Boston politician. Al Franken? Al has made a lot of money off his claim that Bill is a liar. Bill counters that Al Franken repeatedly claims that he (Bill) didn't grow up in Levittown or Lyndhurst or . . . . DANG IT! I can't do this! I lost the notes I kept during the Bill O'Reilly interview and everything in my memory is sketchy. I'm sorry, Mr. O'Reilly but I can't do an adequate recap of the segment. Anyway, Al Franken claims Bill O'Reilly didn't come from Levittown (?) and so to refute that, Bill O'Reilly went to his mom's house and brought in the deed to the house in which he grew up. Right there on the deed, it's written Levittown . . . . or Lyndhurst.
How is the campaign going? Bill says there is too much hatred on both sides. Wasting time on what Bush and Kerry did 35 years ago doesn't help in our learning what they plan to do NOW. Sure, their history is important but how many times do we have to hear it? We know it. We've heard it. Let's move forward.

ACT 5: Shot of the audience.
Alan announce: "Now it's time for 'What Late Show Viewers Thought of the Debate.'
5% thought Cheney won.
5% thought Edwards won.
And 90% watched a very special 'Gilmore Girls' instead.
. . . Wait. The 'Gilmore Girls' was on tonight? I missed a very special 'Gilmore Girls' because I had to work on this sorry-ass show? This place blows! Get yourself a new stooge announcer." We hear a ruckus, slamming, things knocked over. New announcer: "This has been 'What Late Show Viewers Thought of the Debate.'"

And that was our show for Tuesday, October 5, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

I had a very good first season growing cherry tomatoes on my back deck. Grew them from seeds. By the end of August, they were ripening by the handful every day. Then it slowed and I sort of stopped tending to them on a daily basis. And now much to my surprise I am enjoying a second cluster of tomatoes ripening. This morning I picked 15 tomatoes and it looks like at least another 30 will be ready by the end of the week.

How's my birdfeeder, you ask? Last week I told of my battle with the squirrels taking over my birdfeeder and their feasting on the seed meant for my winged friends. I came up with the ingenious idea of attaching a slinky to the bottom of the feeder and letting the slinky hang down with the pole inside. The slinky slunk down the poll to about two feet from the ground. Unfortunately, one squirrel was still able to get into the bird feeder. I watched for days but never was able to see how he did it . . . until this morning. That damn critter would start up the pole and when it reached the hanging slinky, it would push it up the pole with its nose as it climbed. When close enough to the feeder, it would simply reach up and pulls himself onto the ledge of the feeder. His ingenuity had outsmarted my ingenuity. I had one more trick up my sleeve. Before leaving for work this morning, I stretched the slinky and secured it with a stake to the ground. There is no exposed pole for the squirrel to climb and he cannot inch up the pole by pushing the slinky with his nose. If there is food left in the bird feeder Wednesday morning I'll know my ingenuity will have bested the ingenuity of the squirrel . . . at least for one day.

The Houston Astros home field is called, "Minute Maid Park." The other day I wondered why a juice company would call themselves "Minute Maid." From yesterday's Wahoo:

"A Boston advertising agency was contacted to find a name for it. From the city famous for its Minutemen came the name 'Minute Maid,' reflecting the convenience and ease of preparation of this refreshing orange juice."

"On the Minute Maid issue - consider that the 'Maid' part may not be a play on 'made', but a play on 'maidens'. If you really want your head to hurt, consider how things change if you take the other pronunciation of minute, as to mean very small. So... it means Little Women? Wait - that makes sense! The home of Louisa May Alcott (author of 'Little Women') is in Concord, MA, also home to the Minutemen. This is fun!"

It's a new feature to the Wahoo Gazette. It's "The History of . . ."
It provides information. It provides entertainment. It's something I call, "Entermation." The History of The Twinkie
1933 - Twinkies are introduced by Continental Baking Company. The sponge cakes were originally sold without cream fillings for use in strawberry shortcakes. Cream filling is later added, when bakery manager James A. Dewar comes up with the idea to keep sales going after strawberry season is over. They originally had a banana filling but during WWII there was a banana shortage and so they started using the cream filling. And now you know the history of the Twinkie.

Hey, Bruce Alter. I know you requested a cameo mention for tomorrow, but I lost it. Can you remind me?

World Series prediction: Angels vs. Astros.