On the show tonight is Regis Philbin. In a week or two he's coming out with a new CD, entitled, "When You're Smiling." It consists of some of the all-time great standards. I gave it a listen earlier in the day and I enjoyed it. For those of your scoring at home, it's official. You can mark me down as "old."

Tonight we're playing Late Show Heart Bypass Scramble. Our camera heads on over to Rupert's to set up the game. How was Rupert's weekend? What did he do? Rupert said he did some fishing down at the Jersey Shore. What was he fishing for? Dave asks, "Ever hook a grouper? Ever group a hooker?" The Rupe says he got some founder. Last month I went fishing at the exact spot Rupert just went. The only thing I caught was a snag.
After some small chit chat, Dave instructs Rupert to "skip like a bunny" and get a contestant.

New Jersey has one of the best "Do Not Call" programs in the country. Take a look at the promo that's been running.
We see New Jersey Governor McGreevey in an actual promotional commercial still running in our area.

"I'm Governor McGreevey. Our "Do Not Call" law is the toughest in the nation. We're stopping telemarketers from disrupting your lives. Please sign up. Visit njdonotcall.gov today." (Freeze frame)
"And for a limited time, you can also sign up to receive unsolicited, late night phone calls from Governor McGreevey! No other state has hot gay gubernatorial phone action like this!
New Jersey, working for you!"

And have you been watching that "Jeopardy"? Ken Jennings continues to win game after game after game. He's up to 39 consecutive wins, earning over $1.3 million! Dave was watching the show last night and noticed something a little odd. He thinks there's something hinky going on with Alex and Jennings. Need proof? Look at what Dave taped from last night's program.
We see Alex Trebek reading an "answer." Ken Jennings buzzes in but is stuck. He has no answer. He simply stands there mute. Seconds later, Mr. Trebek blurts, "Correct. Select again."
I'm beginning to see Dave's point. Something is a little hinky at "Jeopardy."

It's time to play Late Show Heart Bypass Scramble.
Rupert is with a contestant. She is Wendy, originally from Hawaii. She now works across the street at the Broadway show, "Bombay Dreams." An excited Dave knows free professional entertainment when he sees it and asks Wendy to sing something from the show. Wendy breaks out into "Chaka lacka baby, Chaka lacka baby." Most of the staff immediately thinks of Tony Mendez, something none of us wants to do. For some reason Tony has become enamored with the song "Chaka Lacka Baby" and sings it whenever and where ever possible. Wendy is glad to report that the show is on a long run and will continue to run indefinitely. Dave praises the show and says he was there opening night! And that was followed by the post-show party at Sardi's. Ooooh, by the looks of Wendy's reaction I think she may have not been invited to the Sardi's party.
So how do we play this game? On a board are 3 photos of men who have received heart bypass surgery:
Dave Letterman.
Hall of Fame baseball manager Sparky Anderson.
Bill Clinton.
The contestant, Wendy, must guess the correct number of heart bypasses each has received. The choices are 3, 4. and 5.
Wendy examines the board and place the 3 under Dave's photo, the 5 under Sparky Anderson's photo, and the number 4 under Clinton's photo. How did she do? Paul sees an error immediately. Sorry, Wendy, but you do not win tonight's installment of Late Show Heart Bypass Scramble. The correct answer is:
Letterman: 5
Sparky Anderson: 3
Clinton: 4.

And that's how we play Late Show Heart Bypass Scramble.

TOP TEN: Signs Your Kids Had a Bad First Day at School
#10. Already voted least likely to succeed.
#9. His class schedule includes daily beatings from bullies, teachers, and the custodial staff.
#6. He comes home pledging loyalty to fearless lead Kim Jong-Il
#2. You know the kid everyone picks on? He got picked on by that kid.
#1. Your last name is McGreevey.

By this time I would probably say "enough" with the McGreevey jokes, but since he's a corrupt and a cheat, I say keep them coming.

REGIS PHILBIN: Dave asks Regis about his new CD, "When You're Smiling." Regis was hoping to give it to Dave as a surprise gift but is pleased to see Dave already has one. Looking at the back of the CD, Dave sings some of the selections: "It Had To Be You" followed by "You Made Me Feel So Young." What is the song Regis and wife Joy perform together? "They Can't Take That Away From You." It'll be available in stores September 28th. Dave believes the CD will be such a big seller that Regis will finally be able to retire.
Congratulations to Regis for setting the Guinness World Record for hours spent on television, recording 15,188 hours as of August 20th. Before tonight's program, he was up to 15,200 hours. He broke the record long held by Hugh Downs. Hugh has been heard muttering that he put all his hours on network television, not so with Regis. Dave scoffs at the notion. Dave says the only thing Hugh Downs ever did was sit next to Barbara Walters and say, "Fascinating story, Barbara." Big laugh from me. Dave hit the nail square on the head. All of us can see and hear Hugh Downs doing exactly that, "Fascinating story, Barbara."
Turning the tables, Regis brings up the available Kilborn job. Regis wants it. "I'm not doing anything at night!" Dave tells Regis he already has a show. Regis continues, "But I can do both!" Regis suggests that Dave can do his show and then Regis can follow, same studio, same audience. Dave says the show needs to come out of California. Though funny, the thought of Regis doing the Late Late Show had crossed my mind.

(For the pure irony, I hope Byron Allen gets the Late Late Show job. Does that joke work? When I thought of it, I imagined it to be very funny. I've tried it out in "Peoria" but it hasn't been hitting the mark. Do you get why it would be ironic for Byron Allen to get the job from Kilborn?)

And now a trip down Memory Lane with Regis.
Regis' first work in front of the camera came back in 1958 as a local news reporter in San Diego. Then he did a local talk show on Saturday nights. After a few years of that, he was offered a 90-minute syndicated program. He hosted the show from KTTV in Los Angeles. His first guest was an astrologer, Sydney Omarr. Omarr told Regis that his new show wouldn't last. It had no future and would end in disappointment before too long. A crushed Regis took it hard, but he kept on plugging away.
Recrafting and reshaping the show, it somehow found its stride and was eventually renewed with another 13-week contract extension. Regis got a little cocky and invited the astrologer back on the show. Again, Regis wanted to know what Omarr saw in the stars for the show. Omarr again had bad news. He told Regis that within 48 hours the show would be going off the air. Regis couldn't believe it. But 36 hours later, he got called in by the big shots and was told the show was over. Done. The show was no more. All wasn't lost, though. It was also predicted for Regis that he would become a household name. When? When? "In about 20 years," said Omarr. And 20 years later Regis got a nationally syndicated program in 1989.
Like Mel Allen used to say, "How about that!"
Dave asks Regis what he thinks about the bypass surgery Bill Clinton just went through, then proceeds to explain his own quintuple bypass surgery step-by-step, gruesome detail after gruesome detail. Dave describes as feeling as weak as a kitty after the operation. 6 weeks later he ran 5 miles. Dave describes that as one of the proudest and fulfilling moments in his life.
And that was our evening with Regis.

ALAN KALTER WITH SOMETHING TO SAY:
"Monday was Labor Day, which marks the unofficial end of summer. Let's take a moment to look back at the highlights of what was a most memorable summer.
-(photo of Spider-Man over Alan's shoulder) June brought us the opening of the blockbuster Spider-Man 2. It made me feel like a kid again.
-(photo of Kerry and Bush) The race for the Presidency heated up with the Democratic and Republican conventions. Fascinating stuff. Can't wait to see how it shakes out.
-(photo of celebrating women beach volleyball players) But the most memorable moment of the summer was probably this. Ohhhhh, yeahhhhhh, That's right. Uh-huh. Oh yeahhhhhhh."

Dave tells Alan that's enough.

ACT 5: Dang it, I can't find the script but it had something to do with a little known fact about Regis being imprisoned for a time for forging checks and then killing a guy with a sharpened spoon.

HOOBASTANK: From their most recent CD, which has gone platinum, "The Reason," Hoobastank performed "Same Direction."

To close the show, Paul and the band play "Keep Me In Your Heart" from Warren Zevon's "The Wind." The album has sold over 500,000 copies. A tribute CD is to be released October 19th, entitled "Enjoy Every Sandwich: The Songs of Warren Zevon." Performing on the CD are Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan, Don Henley, Jackson Browne, Bonnie Raitt, and more.
Warren passed away one year ago today. Much too soon.

And that was our show for Tuesday, September 7, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

If you watched out show tonight, you saw history being made. Regis' appearance on the Late Show was his 15,201st hour on television --- a NEW GUINNESS WORLD RECORD!

His 15,200 hours on the air probably flew by, but his time with Kathie Lee must have seemed endless.

Not only is there a discrepancy over Regis' Guinness World Record with Hugh Downs, but how about Joe Franklin? Reports have him at over 17,000 hours on television. Joe Franklin! He's a national treasure.

Years ago my family had a subscription to National Geographic. I never read it. Then I picked up an issue recently. I was a bit surprised that it was still in existence. I found the National Geographic a fascinating read, even more so than the Wahoo Gazette. So much knowledge offered between the covers. I'm thinking of signing up for a subscription. Plus, if I do, I get a free world map! I think I'll put it on my Christmas list.

Have you looked in the newspaper? The Knicks are tied for first! Go, Knicks!

Wahoo Trivia Question: When does 25 equal zero one day, then on another day 25 equals 120?
Answer: When the CBS-radio traffic report claims on Tuesday there is a 25 minute delay on the George Washington Bridge and it turns out to be no traffic at all, then on Wednesday the CBS-radio traffic report claims there is a 25 minute delay on the George Washington Bridge and it turns out to be a 2-hour back up.