I noticed a lot of daughters at work today. I checked my calendar thinking that it may be "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." It wasn't. I checked again and found that it was actually "Take Your Daughter To Work Day Because Hilary Duff Is Going To Be On The Show." Paul says he took his daughter Victoria up to see Hilary just before the show and Hilary couldn't have been nicer, sweeter, more personable, or friendlier. She was a real sweetheart. And then Hilary said, "Now get that little bitch out of here."
BOING! Of course, Paul was just joking about the final part. Hilary was very nice to Victoria and Paul was proud to look like a big shot in front of his daughter . . . . and that's what it's all about.

JOHN KERRY'S HAIR THROUGH THE YEARS: Working backwards, we view shots of the Democratic nominee for President with his hair high on his head, and getting progressively higher in each shot. At least that's what it said in the script.

A MOMENT WITH GEORGE W. BUSH: From a recent speech, we see our President orate, "you you . . . . you . . . . you you you . . . . you."

Dave followed this with A MOMENT WITH PORKY PIG. If you closed your eyes, you would think Mel Blanc was the President.

CBS MAILBAG
After opening the CBS Mailbag, Dave performs one of his fine imitations of an Athens, Georgia peafowl. Paul follows that with a big of his Robin Williams.
LETTER #1: From Peter Nikolakakos of Toronto, Canada.
"Hey Dave, Is there anyone working at the Late Show that will be participating at the Summer Olympics in Athens?"
We won't be having anyone from the show working the Olympics, but that doesn't mean Dave isn't excited about them. Unfortunately, they are suffering some construction delays. They're trying to make the best of this bad situation. The Greek Olympic committee is running this announcement.

"Coming to Greece this August, it's the 2004 Summer Olympic Games. Watch as American athletes battle for the gold in classic events like cycling, swimming, and track and field. And catch newly added Olympic sports, like the steel balance beam. The hardhat discus. And the new triathlon featuring: jackhammering, bricklaying, and smoke break. The Greek 2004 Summer Olympic Games. Only on NBC.

LETTER #2: From John Clifford of Ansonia, Connecticut
"Hey Dave, Are you looking forward to seeing any movies this summer?"
We're right in the middle of summer blockbuster movie season, and here to with a new installment is Tony Mendez in "Tony Mendez Gives Away the Endings To Summer Movies." We cut to Tony, who responds in his Spanish tongue. I will translate.

"Today I will give away the ending to 'I, Robot.' This movie stars Will Smith as a man in the future who is attacked by robots that are supposed to be peaceful. The evil robots jump on his car and he has to try to throw them off. More and more robots are coming after him, and he shoots them with his gun. It looks like maybe Will Smith will get away. But there too many robots attacking him, and 'Will Smith dies."

LETTER #3: From Hugo Lopez of Dallas, Texas
"Dear Dave, My 9-year-old brother hates you. How can I get him to like you and your show?"
Dave was sorry to hear that the young man hated him and the show so Dave decided to try to change his mind. The show flew young Edward Lopez to New York to be with us tonight. Dave says hello to Edward who is sitting in the audience.
9-year-old EDWARD: "Dave, my brother was right. I was wrong about you. The show is funny and you're a really great guy."
DAVE: I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. But now, wait a minute. Edward, you're only 9?
EDWARD: Yes, sir.
DAVE: I'm afraid you have to be at least 18 to be in our theater audience. Boys?
Two burly security officers hurry down to the young Edward and drag him out. Edward screams out in anger.
Dave shrugs and cites, "Rules are rules. Without rules you have anarchy."

LETTER #4: From Trevor Dillon of Enterprise, Ontario, Canada
"Dear Dave, How do you like to spend your summer holidays?"
Dave likes to spend time with his family. If you're curious how some members of the crew and staff spent their vacation, we put together his brief video.
Harold Larkin: "I drove out to Yellowstone National Park."
Gene Szymanski: "I spent some time at the Jersey Shore."
Pat Farmer and Tommy O'Brien: Pat - "We went to Massachusetts."
(waits a beat) Tommy: "Oh, not to get married. We just went to see a Red Sox game."
(waits a beat) Pat: "But we did have sex."

And that was mailbag.

Dave again holds up Jonathan Ames' book, "Wake Up, Sir." It is in a bright yellow cover. Dave advises, "See the color? You're never going to misplace this book."

Dave introduces the top ten, but advises our viewers to stay tuned because immediately following the top ten we'll have something brand new to the show. Don't go to sleep! Stick around after the Top Ten for something never before seen on our program.

TOP TEN: Ways to Make the All-Star Game More Exciting.
#6. Nine starters, eight uniforms.
#4. One lucky ticket-holder gets to manage the Expos in 2005.
#3. Between innings, Pete Rose plays Keno.
Here's my suggestion to make the All-Star game more exciting: Let Clemens pitch more innings.

Halfway through the Top Ten, Dave ripped off his glasses and yelled in disbelief, "What!?" I marked it and logged it in my database. You may see that shot in a future piece yet to be determined. Many times I'm asked by the writers for a shot of Dave doing . . . . (fill in the blank.) I used to be a better logger when I had more time to watch the show. Most of my references are from the mid-90's. I need to keep a closer watch on the show.

It's something new, it's something exciting, it's something we call "Tourist/Not A Tourist."
Dave reads from his blue card to kick off this piece of new comedy:
"36 million tourists will visit New York City this year."
He then reads the next line:
"I will explain the game."
"NO!" I scream. "You're not supposed to read that!" Silly me thought Dave was making a mistake. He was just playing . . . . I hope. Here is what Dave' blue card looked like; a sort of cheat sheet.

"Tourist/Not A Tourist"
-FYI: 36 million tourists will visit New York City this year
-Dave explains the game
-"Alan, what are we playing for tonight?"
-put up the clock; raise the city scape.
-Dave and Paul discuss --- make guess
-And that is how we play "Tourist/Not A Tourist."

The city scape rises and we see a middle-aged gentleman standing center stage. The hula hoop girl does her thing behind him. Kiva, the Grinder Girl, was stuck in traffic and so our building engineer George Clarke stood in for her. With the noise from George, the Grinder Guy, our tourist/not a tourist could not hear Dave's questions. Therefore, Dave simply asked the guy to reveal himself. Missing his cue, not knowing his cue, or simply stage struck, the tourist/not a tourist seemed a bit lost and remained silent. He then steps forward, looks over at Dave, and says rather naturally, "I'm a tourist."
Our tourist is Ed from California.
A giddy Paul says, "Gee, I'm glad I stayed up for that!"

HILARY DUFF: She's an actress, she's a singer, she's 16, she's what my daughters want to be. A little snafu in the introduction. Dave introduced Hilary and she wasn't there. She was stuck in the elevator. After the show, Otis was fired.
Hilary was born in Houston but soon moved to Los Angeles to follow the bright lights of show biz. Once there, her family met up with a woman who promised them a bunch of auditions, but first they would have to pay her a fistful of dollars for expenses and stuff. You guessed it! The Duff's were Punk'd. There were no auditions, and now there was no money. It's sort of what happened to me when that banker from Nigeria e-mailed me with promises of riches. It turned out to be a hoax. Anyway, Hilary's story has a happy ending, becoming the star of Lizzie McGuire. And that's not all. She also went on to get her driver's license. Just be warned: Don't leave your car parked next to hers.
Hilary Duff: starring in "A Cinderella Story" - opening this Friday.

Before leaving for work this morning, I asked my 8-year-olds if there was anything they wanted me to say to Hilary Duff. They said, "Just tell her we liked her in "The Lizzie McGuire Movie."

Before introducing Jonathan Ames, Dave asks Paul regarding Hilary Duff, "Did you know girls like that when you were 16?" Paul says he hadn't. Dave said, "I did. It did me no good but I knew girls like that."

JONATHAN AMES: author of the book, "Wake Up, Sir." He's a very funny, very peculiar fellow. This is Jonathan's 3rd time on the show. Dave says to Jonathan, "Your hair is in a different configuration than the last time you were here." Jonathan admits that some change has taken place, and says he's noticed Dave's hair is hanging on quite well; "maintaining" is how Jonathan put it.

That reminds me of a guy back home. Kenny Furnish was one of the first in the neighborhood to start losing his hair. You could see some thinning taking place atop his head and he was only in his mid-twenties at the time. Now, I see him 25 years later and the guy hasn't lost a strand since. His thinning hair thinned no more. I don't get it. In high school, my hair looked like that red-headed kid in the TV show "Room 222." Now it looks like Mr. Fields from "Abbot and Costello."

Dave says he thoroughly enjoyed "Wake Up, Sir" and felt that everything that happened to the character in the book actually happened to Jonathan. Jonathan tends to agree, seeing himself as the shy yet charismatic main character whose libido is out of control.
As was done last time he was on the show, Jonathan performed his soon-to-be-famous yell/call. He and a friend invented it years ago in grade school when they were getting beat up by the more normal children. The call has brought him much luck, having cured his bad back and elevated testicle in his youth.

ACT 5: And now it's time to announce the winner of the 'I Want To Work on the Late Show' contest.
Once again we received no entries for the 'I Want To Work on the Late Show' contest, and as a result there were no winners.
Keep on playing! Maybe one day you will work for the Late Show. Tell your friends.

And that was our show for Wednesday, July 14, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

Congratulations to us. We received 5 Emmy nominations today.
-Outstanding Directing for a Variety, Music, or Comedy Program: Jerry Foley
-Outstanding Lighting Direction for a VMC Programming: Steven Brill, lighting designer; and Tim Stephenson, lighting director
-Outstanding Variety, Music, or Comedy Series: Late Show
-Outstanding Technical Direction, Camerawork, Video for a Series: Tim Kennedy, Tech Director.
-Outstanding Writing for a Variety, Music, or Comedy Program: Head Writers Eric Stangel and Justin Stangel, and their team of writers.

Unfortunately, I was shutout again in my quest of a nomination in Outstanding Production Coordination. My guess is they watched last night's show.

I'm exhausted. Following the show, I went home and had to clean the house before the cleaning lady arrived Thursday morning. I don't realize how fast two weeks can fly by until I have to clean the house for the cleaning lady.

Herbie vs. Hermie. Which is it? "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" is the favorite Christmas special to many people across the country, but the controversy rages on over what was the name of the elf who dreamed of becoming a dentist. Was it Herbie? Or was it Hermie? I first presented this question long ago when I found many an item along the Christmas shelves referring to said elf as Herbie. Most referred to him as Hermie, but there were enough "Herbies" to make an argument and create discussion. If you look back in the mid-90's Wahoo Archives you will find I got lots of mileage from this, filling pages upon pages of the Wahoo with Herbie vs. Hermie. It was great filler and continues to be so today. I shied away from the Herbie vs. Hermie controversy the past few years when it was noticed that the Wahoo Gazette circulation dropped immediately following my bringing up the tired question. Why do I bring it up today? Because I am desperate for filler, having absolutely nothing sitting around in my files. And because I received this recently from astute Wahoo reader, the irrepressible Dave Sikula from Pacifica, California:

"Now that we're in the midst of summer, what better way to celebrate it than to revive the Hermie/Herbie controversy?
There's a new website called 'Wallopin' Websnappers!' (I take no blame for the name), founded by and dedicated to the voice actors from the Spider-Man cartoon of the mid-60s http://www.wallopinwebsnappers.com/. Well sir, it turns out that the guy who did Spidey's voice also voice that Elf in 'Rudolph' and he says 'Hermie,' so I guess that settles it."

Happy Bastille Day: Viva, la France! Liberte', egalite', fraternite', surrenderte.'