Sitting down behind the desk, Dave has to adjust his belt. Dave says, "Daddy's getting a little tubby."

On the show tonight is Paris Hilton, whose then boyfriend released a private video of him and Paris getting things done. Dave calls the fellow a "mouth breathing, knuckle-dragging thug." He adds that there is nothing wrong with video taping yourself having sex. "We've all done it. I've done it, though I'm usually alone." Dave feels sorry for Paris for being wronged like that.

Dave had a little problem this weekend and places the event under the category, "Is It Me or Is It Everyone Else?"
Dave was going to take Harry out for a walk. Before going out, he was told "Don't forget the sunblock!" Much slathering ensued. "And if the sun comes out, make sure you adjust the hood of the stroller" he's advised. Dave says he is aware of such things and there is no need to state the obvious. So he's walking down the street with his sweet little Harry and another woman pedestrian is walking towards him. As they pass each other, polite Dave says, "Hello." The passing pedestrian can only muster an "eh" response. Now what's that all about? Shouldn't a "hello" be at least acknowledged with a return "hello"? Dave doesn't understand people. He wonders if he did something wrong but can't place it at all. He is confused. "Is it me or is it everyone else?"

Dave and Paul have been together for a long time and are great friends, but even great friends disagree sometimes. There is one thing, though, that they never disagree on and that's the great taste of Popeyes New Full Flavor Green Beans. That's right. "Popeyes New Flavor Green Beans. Delightfully tasty!"
Maybe that woman pedestrian doesn't like Popeyes.

Did you see that former President Bush parachuted from 13,000 feet to celebrate his 80th birthday over the weekend? You may be surprised to learn that he's not the only Bush daredevil. Take a look at what Barbara did this weekend. We cut to a clip of Mrs. Bush doing a dangerous motorcycle stunt and jump. Oooh, that Barbara! Still getting it done.

Dave is debating whether to do this next joke or not. He is unsure if it's Late Show worthy and questions the good taste of the piece. He decides to show it and let the audience decide.

And how about that new, "Garfield: The Movie"! It's not quite what Dave thought it would be. We see a clip of two lions in Africa. Slowly, one lion gets up and "mounts" the other. Oooh, that Garfield. Still getting it done."
Big reaction from the audience. Dave says, somewhat surprised, "Ya see, I thought they would hate it."

Now it's time for something called, "George W. Bush Ladies' Man." We see Mr. Bush in front of a large crowd about to give a speech. Off to the side he spots two people he wants to get to know a little better. He smiles at them and says in a high voice, "Hi, girls!"

Dave takes this time to show his most recent photo of Harry. It's the 3rd or 4th time he's shown a picture of sonny boy and asks Paul to keep him in check if he feels Dave is overdoing it, doing too much of the Kathie Lee thing. Paul says it's fine. We all love to see photos of Harry. Dave shows a beautiful photo of the one-dimpled Harry. Very very cute. He points out the one dimple and says when he gets older "we're gonna get another one put it."
With that, we break for commercial.

TOP TEN: Things Going Through Former President Bush's Mind at This Moment.
To celebrate his 80th birthday, former President Bush parachuted from 13,000 feet. Last year to celebrate his dad's 79th birthday, President George W. Bush fell off a segway.
#10. "I'm falling faster than my son's approval rating."
#9. "Hey, who's that white-haired dude waving at me? Oh, it's Barbara."
#6. "I thought this kind of thing was only allowed in Massachusetts."
#4. "I don't remember having this much jowl resistance last time."

PARIS HILTON: From "The Simple Life 2: Road Trip." It debuts this Wednesday on FOX. She's a party girl who forever could be found in the Post's Page 6. Dave is curious about the parties Paris goes to. Do they have a buffet? Music? Dancing? Alcohol? Yes to all of the above. That's what makes it a party. Most of the parties I went to when I was a rebel only had one of those. Oh, we could have had the other three things but that would take money away from the important thing.
What time to the parties begin? Paris says she doesn't like parties after 2:00 AM. The only people still at a party at that hour are losers and weirdos. Hmmmm. Excuse me for just one moment………………………
I'm just trying to figure out which one I am.

This is the 2nd season of "The Simple Life." How much of this reality show is real and how much is put on? Paris says she is aware at all times that the cameras are rolling and it is important to be entertaining, so she plays to the camera. It's good to be bad. It's good to get fired. Dave says that on the show it looks like you don't care about anything. Paris says that's because she doesn't care about anything.
So what's the deal with this old "boyfriend"? Can you go after him legally? She says her people have tried. Dave says he would like to go over there and beat him up. She appreciates his concern, and suggests that Dave keep on poking fun at him. Dave calls the guy a creepy sick putz, and wonders, "Don't your folks know goons that could kill him?"
How is the 2nd season on "The Simple Life" shaping up? Paris says it'll be much funnier. They visit a nudist colony where everyone is nude all the time; when they're eating, when they're bike riding, you name it. It's disgusting.
After Dave exhausts his questions, he asks Paul if he has anything? Paul says, "No, no further questions. She can step down."
"The Simple Life 2: Road Trip" debuts this Wednesday on the FOX.

This is Dave's 4,000th program on late night television. He did 1810 shows at NBC on Late Night and tonight was show #2186 at CBS, with 4 additional Primetime specials. This makes tonight's show his 4,000th.
Congratulations, Mr. Letterman. Dave received one of those video messages through the mail from Osama bin Laden to pay tribute to this milestone.

"Dave, congratulations on your 4000th show. What a milestone! And from what I'm reading in the trades, your ratings are up! To some extent, that's due to better lead-ins, but still, some of the credit has to go to you, big guy! Keep up the good work! Oh, and death to America."

PATTI SCIALFA: From her new CD, "23rd Street Lullaby," Patti performed "23rd Street Lullaby." I liked it. I'll be giving the CD a full listen.

And that was our show for Monday, June 14, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

The audience was filled with members of the Late Show newsgroup, a trip they make at least once a year. These members know more about the show than does the staff. They also know more about me than I know about myself. They often e-mail me suggestions for my wife's birthday or out anniversary before I even start thinking about it. After the show, Tony Mendez our cue card stud, took them on a tour of the Ed Sullivan Theater and he also featured them in Monday's Tony Mendez Show. Click on over to the Tony Mendez Show right after you read the Wahoo Gazette for the third time and see the faces of those from the group. After the show, they retreated to a local watering hole called, "McGee's." I'll be checking the morning's Police Beat in the newspaper to see if any of them over enjoyed.

I'm getting old. Years ago I would fall asleep trying to stay up to watch the end of the NBA Finals. Now I fall asleep trying to stay up to watch the beginning.

A lot of times I'm asked, "Hey, Mike, what do you like to do for fun?" Near the top of my list is going to Southside Johnny concerts to see how long it takes before someone says, "Hey, I hear Bruce may show up tonight."

And now my Late Show/Bruce Springsteen story: I was out on 53rd Street dressed as a hot dog vendor for a pre-tape the same day Bruce was to be a guest on the show. The sidewalks were packed waiting his arrival. Since there was no sign of him, all eyes were on me. Hating eye contact, I looked here and there at anything I could. I then saw a small white car pull up to by the stage door. In the passenger seat was Bruce Springsteen. Bruce got out and calmly walked to the stage door. No one noticed him as everyone was waiting for a big black limo to drop off the Bruce. Not until he opened the stage door did anyone realize who it was. By then it was too late. Bruce was already inside the building. Ten minutes later a big black limo pulled up with members of the E Street Band. The crowd saw it coming 2 blocks away.

George Bush, Sr. parachuting was dropping faster than Junior's approval rating. I wrote this joke early Monday morning. Someone had written the same joke for the monologue. And someone had written the same joke for the Top Ten. I saw all the Top Ten submissions from the writers. Each writer also had this joke, and it was the first one on their list. It was an obvious and easy joke.

This weekend I participated in the 7th Annual Relay for Life, a national fund-raiser by the American Cancer Society which was held at Clarkstown North High School in Rockland County, New York The Relay for Life is made up of teams consisting of 1 to as many as you can sign up. Each team must have at least one member of their team walking around the outdoor track at all times, starting at 12 noon on Saturday and finishing up at 6:00 AM Sunday. This was my first year participating and am already looking forward to next year's. There were lots of fun moments and emotional moments throughout the day. This Rockland County Relay for Life has been the biggest of its kind in the New York/New Jersey area for the past few years and has raised nearly $1 million since its inception. In fact, when all the donations are totaled for this year, the million dollar mark should be broken. Our team consisted of 10 people and we never had to walk for too long. I walked on and off throughout the day but my favorite shift was the 3:00 AM – 4:00 AM shift. The east sky began to lighten just a bit as the 4:00 hour approached. One team consisted of one man. He walked the entire 18 hours and he does it every year.

I would like to thank Munno's Italian Deli in Pearl River, New York for donating some of their delicious heroes to our team. They couldn't have been nicer and gave more than we had asked for. I now have a new deli to go to and they can be sure to see my face coming through their door again and again. I look forward to ordering my favorite sandwich: Ham and Swiss, rye bread, lettuce, tomato, mustard. That's Munno's Italian Deli on Central Avenue in the heart of Pearl River. Tell them "Thanks" for supporting the Relay for Life and the American Cancer Society.
Following lunch from Munno's, we later received a feast of KFC chicken from the nearby KFC on Route 304 in New City. I can never tire of the KFC. It truly is finger licking good. It was my girls' first taste of the Colonel's chicken and they are now tugging at my pant leg wanting to go again next week. Pick up a bucket. It's as good as you remember.

From last Monday's Wahoo Gazette:

"Did you watch the Memorial golf tournament in Dublin, Ohio this weekend? I did, just for one reason. I wanted to see the cicadas. Every now and then you saw one fly across the screen, but it was very evident to the ear. There was a constant humming/chirping/whistling whenever they showed the golfers. I may have missed it but the announcers never said a word about it."

"I was working in our Master Control Saturday afternoon during the Memorial Tournament and the cicada noise was very annoying, especially airing in 5.1 surround audio on our HDTV feed. But the on-air announcers mentioned it several times that afternoon, explaining what was causing the noise on the course. They noted the cicada that was riding on Tiger Woods shoulder during a couple of his swings. They also showed a cicada in very slow motion and gave a historical look at 17 years ago when the cicadas last came out or up or whatever they do. Ronald Reagen was President, the Lakers were in the NBA finals and gasoline averaged 95 cents/gallon."
- Dennis Higgins
Technical Engineer
KIMT-TV, Media General Broadcast Group

Welcome back, Bob Borden!