Hey! How 'bout those Tampa Bay Devil Rays! During the pre-show Q&A, an audience member was about to ask a question when a woman right behind him screams how, "Hey, how 'bout them Devil Rays!" So how are they doing? They're in 3rd place. Yes, but they had recently won 12 in a row. Here's the odd thing. During their 12-game winning streak, they lost ground on the Yankees.

While Dave has a minute, he plays with the Late Show hose assembled at the n/w corner of 53rd and Broadway. Dave has discovered a long known truth: It's fun to squirt people with a hose.

This "Jeopardy" thing continues to be baffle Dave. Jeopardy contestant Ken Jennings has won 16 times in a row and has amassed over half a million dollars. It's a run unheard of on the show. Dave informs that it was Merv Griffin's wife who thought up the game of "Jeopardy" and now everyone is making billions of dollars off it. Dave believes Jennings and Trebek have a thing going on. A shocked Paul cries out, "Oh, shut up!" Dave laughs at the pre-teen lingo Paul has picked up at home.
Question: "Originally drafted by Atlanta, he quarterbacked Green Bay to a Super Bowl win in 1997.
Jennings: "Who is Indira Ghandi." "Yes!" cries Alex.
It's getting curiouser and curiouser on "Jeopardy." It is becoming clear how Ken Jennings has won 16 games in a row.

STORY TIME WITH GEORGE W. BUSH:
Bush: "I shared a story the other day during a press conference where I talked . . ." The President continued to drone on without a point. It had something to do with Kobe steak.

What I found interesting about this clip, from an April 26th speech in Minneapolis, Minnesota, was he was wearing that same crazy tie he wore to an earlier press conference. The tie made news because the tightly black and white checkered pattern plays havoc on the TV camera. I'm going to Google "Bush" "tie" "television camera" and see what I come up with. I'll be right back.

From the site http://www.newhousenews.com/archive/sefton041504.html
It explains that the tie George W. Bush wore to an April 13th press conference caused a moiré effect, making if difficult for the television cameras to focus in and get a steady picture. It was big talk among the camera crew around here at the time and was in all the newspapers. I would think the President, or one of his people, would have thrown that tie in the garbage following that wardrobe malfunction. Nope. Less than two weeks later he's got that same tie on again.

Bill Clinton is set to appear on Larry King Live tonight. Did you see the CNN promo?

"Tonight on 'Larry King Live' . . . In only his 7th major interview of the week, Bill Clinton talks with Larry, answering whatever questions weren't already asked by Dan Rather, Oprah Winfrey, Katie Couric, Charles Gibson, Time magazine, and National Public Radio. Tune in as Larry scrapes the bottom of the barrel with questions like: 'Where did the title 'My Life' come from?' . . . 'What's Oprah like?' . . . . and 'Where did you get that shirt?' That's 'Larry King Live', only on CNN."

SUMMER PRODUCTS. It's the summer and the merchandisers work overtime to take advantage of the America's free time and free spending. They all look for the hook that'll bring in the customers. For example:
1. Barbecue lighter fluid: Now with 30% fewer carbs!
2. Pair of flip flops: Now with extra flip, reduced flop.
3. Scope mouthwash: Now with gin.
4. Kingsford Charcoal Briquettes: Tasty all by themselves.

Dave opens the bag of charcoal and takes out a briquette. You can almost see Dave questioning, "Tasty all by themselves?" He looks at it, smells it, examines it. He then eats it. He chews and chews and chews. He grabs for the Scope, now with gin, and swigs to help wash down the charcoal briquette. But you can't really swallow Scope. Dave excuses himself and slowly walks backstage. He's looking for a place to spit. After a moment, Dave returns. He sits and looks at himself in the monitor. His mouth is entirely black from the briquette. No matter how much he wipes and spits and rinses, he can't get rid of the black. The charcoal briquette obviously wasn't an actual briquette. It was a brownie covered in black food coloring. Yeech. Dave looks straight into the camera and says, "Does it look OK to you, Doc?" He then sticks out his tongue. Still, all black. Phone calls are made, the computers are being worked, we all are looking for a cure to black tongue. Someone says toothpaste with whitener. Listerine" cries another. "Eat celery" someone calls out as he pans down the computer screen. Meanwhile Dave continues to clean his mouth the best he can. "A moist towelette, please" is the order. One is quickly found. It does not do the job. We go to commercial while the search continues.

KID INVENTORS
1. Alyson: She's 10 years old from San Francisco. I missed the very beginning of this as I was searching for a remedy for Dave's travails. Since Alyson is from San Francisco, Dave asks her if she knows Barry Bonds. She says she knows him. "Is he on steroids?" Alyson doesn't answer. What does Alyson have for us? Alyson calls it the "Two-Way O.J." And what is the Two-Way O.J.? It's a filter cap that fits over the opening of a carton of Orange Juice. Half the cap has a colander-like screen. The other half of the cap is a clear opening. If you want pulp in your OJ, you would use the clear opening side of the cap. If you don't want pulp in your OJ, you would use the filter side which would screen out the pulp from pouring into your glass. Dave suggests that Alyson give Tropicana a call immediately.

2. Christopher: He's 14 years old from Tucson, Arizona. Dave looks at Christopher and asks, "Ever see anything like this?" Dave sticks out his black tongue. Christopher turns away in disgust at the sight. What does Christopher have? He has the "Clam Shaft 1.0". What does it do? Christopher and his family are oyster eaters and he has invented an oyster opener. The "Clam Shaft" is a crude looking tooling which is half-hammer, half something else I can't think of right now. First, Christopher hits the oyster with the tool like a hammer. After 3 or 4 whacks, the camera widens to show Dave holding his eye. Apparently a piece of oyster shell broke off and lodged into his eye. Christopher suggests that maybe Dave should put on some safety goggles. And while Dave's at it, he can lock up the barn after the horse escapes. Once the oyster has a small crack, Christopher turns the tool and uses it to separate the bivalve. Voila. Dave grabs the innards and hands it to Christopher who is more than glad to swallow the oyster.

3. Renee: 13 years old, from Brooklyn, New York. This is her 1st invention, something she calls the "Sit and Go." And what is the "Sit and Go"? It's a folding chair attached to a rolling suitcase that provides convenient seating for travelers. It rolls like a suitcase on rollers. It opens like a folding chair. It's great for those flight delays I always hear about from my single friends who fly a lot going on vacation to far away places.

I'm comforted by the Kid Inventors, realizing our future is bright with our kids possessing the brilliance and creativity shown tonight. We'll be right back.

We come back from commercial, but Dave waves us away as he wasn't ready and so we go back to black. You didn't see this part. We come back again and Dave explains what happened. When we came back the first time, Dave took a swig from his coffee mug to wet the whistle. He immediately felt a burning sensation in his throat and knew something wasn't quite right. That's when he waved the camera way. Upon further investigation, Dave discovers the coffee mug wasn't filled with water, but with hydrogen peroxide. Ooops. Somebody must have read that hydrogen peroxide would do the trick to get rid of the black. Somebody also must have forgot to tell Dave that hydrogen peroxide was in the coffee mug. Now those who were looking for a remedy for black tongue were now looking for the side effects of swallowing hydrogen peroxide.

SHAWN WAYANS: star of "White Chicks," now in theaters. Shawn likes New York City. It's the only city where you can buy bootleg DVD's before the movie even comes out. On most DVD's, you usually get the added bonus of the director telling some behind the scene events that are revealed for the first time.
On the bootleged DVD's found in New York, included is the bootlegger telling how he bootlegged the movie before the movie was even released.
Shawn went to the Central Park Zoo the other day, just off 59th Street. 59th Street he calls the stinkiest in the city as it is surrounded with the smell of horse ass. All the horse-drawn carriages await just outside Central Park and . . . . do their business when the mood settles in. And at the Zoo are the polar bears who aren't used to the horse-ass smell and the warm city air. Shawn saw one polar bear sitting on a rock eating a Klondike bar.
And what about those telemarketers? They're today's Jehova Witnesses. "Don't answer the phone! It's one of those telemarketers!"

ACT 5:
Alan V.O.: "It's time for a Late Show announcement. The Late Show Staffer of the Week is writers' researcher Bob Borden. Bob receives the honor of Late Show Staffer of the Week for successfully stealing 400 dollars worth of office supplies and a Brother Intellifax 1270 Fax machine without anyone knowing. Nice going, Bob. You're the Late Show Staffer of the Week.
This has been a Late Show announcement. Tell your friends."

SECRET MACHINES: Making their network television debut, from their new CD, "Now Here is Nowhere," Secret Machines performed "Nowhere Again." I liked this song a whole lot and I'll be snooping around in search of an available copy tomorrow.
After typing the name of the CD a number of times throughout the day, I finally realized that when you combine "Now Here", it becomes "Nowhere." "Now Here is Nowhere."

And that was our show for Thursday, June 24, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

Do you know what I miss? Vent windows on automobiles. Kids, years ago cars would have a little right triangle vent window on each of the front car door windows. The vent window was a great apparatus to control the air flow of the wind coming from the outside. Sure, going without the vent window gives the car a more sleeker look but it gives you less control of your environment. And that's our world of today: style over substance. Appearance over ability. My hair was a mess this morning all because I couldn't adjust the wind.

Here's something I've been thinking about a lot. Do you know who must have the best job in the world? I'll let you think about it for a minute.

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OK, so have you thought about who has the best job in the world? The person who has the best job in the world must be the person in charge of putting together the Want Ads in the New York Times. This person sees hundreds and hundreds of job listings each and every day, and is the FIRST person to see these available jobs, yet this person decides to stay at his job of putting together the Want Ads page. It must be a great job if he or she never considers a career change. And you never see a want ad in the classifieds for a job as a Want Ad compiler. That job never opens up. Seems to be very little turn over.

I received this e-mail the other day.
From Dennis McLaughlin of Syracuse, New York:

"I thought I was the only one who had a problem with TV baseball directors, who show the runner walking across home plate, while a relay from the outfield is perfectly executed to throw out the batter at third. I'm glad to hear someone else objects too."