That Jeopardy kid keeps on going and going and going. He’s up to 15 straight wins. If he wins Wednesday night, he should break half a million. Dave has some more examples of the questionable game being played by Ken Jennings, Alex Trebek, and the entire Jeopardy team. From the clips we see, the questions don’t match the answers don’t match the questions . . . . or however you say it.

CBS MAILBAG

LETTER #1: From Melissa Moser of Lehighton, Pennsylvania.
“Dear Dave, Atkins or South Beach?”

Dave hasn’t tried either diet but understands the plight of obesity which is running rampant across America. Dave brought in a clip of a commercial he saw on the TV the other day to prove his point.

Announcer: “Does your have a weigh problem? Do you have the nagging suspicion that when people refer to your baby as ‘husky’ . . . . they really mean ‘tubby’? At Big & Tall Baby, we have clothing options to suit al your fat baby’s needs, like plus-sized onesies, booties, and more! And for a limited time, with purchases totaling $50 or more you’ll receive Baby’s First George Foreman Grill. Big & Tall Baby. Is your fat baby a Big & Tall baby?”

Dave looks longingly back on his days of the drink. He’s given up the booze for quite a while now due to personal reasons he makes public. Our building engineer George Clarke, though, enjoys hoisting the hooch and has a theory on how to beat a hangover. Isn’t that right, George?

George: “Thanks, Dave. You wanna beat a hangover? Take a look.”

We go to a clip. We see George sitting at a bar. A guy sits next to him.

George: “Before we get to the hangover cure, we gotta get drunk first!”
George starts pounding down the beer, shots, and more beer. He buddies up with the guy next to him as they chug and glub down their drinks. The two enjoy more and more drinks.

Cut to a topless George in a hotel bed.

George: “What a night. Anyway, my hangover cure is Gatorade and bananas.” He then adds, “Oh, and one other tip. If you’re going to a bar to get drunk, check first to make sure it’s not a gay bar.”

From the other side of the bed, we discover the guy at the bar waking up from his slumber.

LETTER #3: From Christopher Klein of Brooklyn, New York:
“Dear Dave, who do you plan to vote for?”

Hmmm, Dave hasn’t decided yet. Of course, the front runners are George W. Bush and John Kerry, but you can’t forget about Ralph Nader. Any of them will say anything to get your vote. Dave thinks he’s uncovered a lie recently told by our incumbent, President George W. Bush. We see a clip of President Bush from a recent speech. Is it a lie? Dave thinks so.

Bush: “I don’t know the specifics of your request, but I’ll look into it.”

Dave bought Clinton’s 900 page book, My Life, yesterday and plans on snuggling up in front of the fireplace and reading it till Labor Day. And lucky for us, we have the former President right here with us tonight to tell us all about his new tome. The President enters, looking a lot like LATE SHOW writer Gerard Mulligan.

CLINTON: (shouting proudly) “You down with O.P.P. Yeah, you know me. You down with O.P.P. Yeah, you know me.”
DAVE: “Hello, Mr. President.
CLINTON: “How’s it hanging?”
DAVE: “Uhh, fine. Okay, first off, as long as I’ve got do, what do you think of the job President Bush is doing?
CLINTON: “Best president ever. Bush has done wonders for the environment, the war in Iraq is going very well, and it seems he has a real good post-war plan to stabilize the region.”
DAVE: “Really?”
CLINTON: (laughing) “Of course not! I’m lying through my ass! It’s Bubba you’re talking to.”
DAVE: “I forgot. So tell my about the book. Why is the book so long?”
CLINTON: (holding the book) “I know what you’re saying: this thing’s almost as big as Tipper’s ass. Well, in my defense, 900 of those pages are acknowledgements listing all the babes I’ve nailed.”
DAVE: “I see. But you’re happy with how it turned out?”
CLINTON: “Jay, I haven’t been this excited since they started showing adult movies in hi-def . You’ve heard of audio books? Well, this baby also comes as a video book.”
DAVE: “Video books? I don’t think I’ve ever head of that.”
CLINTON: “Oh, it’s the latest thing. Take a look.”

(clip) Clinton being read to from a beautiful woman in a tiny red bikini. Following a line about Clinton and Monica Lewinsky, Clinton looks into the camera and says, “That’s how Bubba kicks it.”

Back live.

CLINTON: “I’d just like to say to all my dawgs back in Arkansas --- (making finger quotes) ‘I did not have sex with that woman! Know what I’m saying?’”
DAVE: “Yes, I’m afraid we do, sir. So now you’re going to be doing a big book tour?
CLINTON: “Yes, and I’d like to tell all the people watching – the book is available everywhere in hard cover. Very very hard cover.”
DAVE: “William Jefferson Clinton, ladies and gentlemen.”
CLINTON: (exiting; shouting) “’Dodgeball’ is a tour de farce! If you don’t laugh, call the morgue – you’re dead!”

DAVID ALAN GRIER: He’s from Detroit, but he’s a Los Angeles Lakers’ fan. How did the Lakers lose to the Pistons? David Alan says the Lakers all got old all of a sudden. Lots of blank, stunned, and forlorn stares coming from the bench. At one point, Karl Malone was heard singing old Negro spirituals.

How did the Shaq handle the loss? David Allan explains by doing the best Shaq impression I’ve seen yet.

David Alan experienced a few awkward and somewhat embarrassing moments recently. He was having dinner when a waiter dropped off a note to him from a little girl. The note read, “I hope I’m not bothering you. I’m such a fan of yours, and I just think you’re the most amazing, wonderful, talented comedian and if I could have your autograph, it would mean so much to me, Mr. Wayans.”

And then a few days later while visiting a museum, a guy approached and asked if I could say hello to his mother. David Alan agreed and the old woman in a wheelchair said, “Oh! Oh! Oh my! I love you! And I love all your brothers.” David Alan just grinned, sighed, and thanked her.

Now I’m thinking that maybe the woman was just talking street and didn’t mean Wayans brothers, but brothers like soul brothers. Hey, I’m just trying to cheer up David Alan.

In his free time, David Alan has taken up racing motorcycles. “Buy why?” asks Dave. David Alan says he’ll answer that like all great explorers: “Why not.”

And now my “answer like all great explorers” story:

I was in the 7th grade. My friends and I decided to play whiffleball for 24 straight hours. We set up lights in my backyard, started at noon on a Saturday and finished at noon on a Sunday. An older brother of a friend worked for the local paper and he covered the story for the newspaper. When the reporter asked why “6 indefatigable youths” would attempt to play whiffleball for 24 straight hours, whiffleball marathon MVP Matt Mulligan responded, “Because it’s there.”

And that’s my “answer like all great explorers” story.

David Alan Grier can be seen in the film, Baadassss! in theaters now.

BRITTON KEESHAN: at 22 years old, he’s the youngest person to climb the 7 Summits.

The 7 Summits are the highest mountains in each of the 7 continents.
Asia: Mt. Everest (Nepal)
South America: Mt. Aconcagua (Argentina)
North America: Mt. McKinley (Alaska)
Africa: Mt.Kilimanjaro (Tanzania)
Europe: Mt. Elbrus (Russia)
Antarctica: Mt. Vinson
Australia: Mr. Kosciuszko

I once rode my bike straight up Grand Street as a kid. That’s the only mountain climbing story I got.

We see footage of the great Mt. Everest from Britton’s climb. The mountain looks powerful, magnificent, eternal. Dave asks about the climb of Everest if Britton saw any bodies of those who were unsuccessful in their climb. The question was met by a smattering of laughter from the audience and so Dave adds it’s something he’s heard regarding the climb. Britton says it is true. The bodies are left because there is no way to bring them back down.

Upon achieving the scaling of Mt. Everest, Britton performs the chicken dance, a tradition of his following all his climbs.

Here’s something I learned. The hardest part in conquering the 7 Summits is getting corporate sponsorship.

ACT 5:

Alan V.O.: “And now it’s time for ‘Late Show Security Officer Stephanie Montague Reviews Bill Clinton’s Book’”
STEPHANIE: “Don’t believe a word that bastard writes. I never slept with him. He’s a stinkin’ liar! Shame on you, Bubba!”
ALAN V.O.: “This has been ‘Late Show Security Officer Stephanie Montague Reviews Bill Clinton’s Book.’ Nice job, Stephanie.”

And that was our show for Wednesday June 23, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

June 23, 1980: 24 years ago today The David Letterman Show made its debut.

Also on June 23, 1980: One in a Million, starring Shirley Hemphill appeared for the last time on ABC.

And on June 23, 1980, James Hawley was named by the Tippecanoe County Commissioners as the director of the county’s Area Plan Department.

Mary-Kate Olsen checked herself into a clinic for treatment against anorexia. That should come as no surprise. Her last movie was from hunger.

In yesterday’s Wahoo, I included a list of how things were in America 100 years ago, in 1904. Wahoo reader Bruce Alter of Fairfax Station, Virginia put pencil to paper and did some quick ‘ritmetic to add some light to the list.

“Adjusting 1904 dollars to 2003 dollars for inflation (using a conversion factor of 0.052):
-The $11 three-minute call from Denver to New York City would cost $211.54 today.
-The average U.S. hourly wage of $0.22/hour would be worth $4.23/hour today.
-The average U.S. annual pay of $200 to $400/year would be worth $3,846.15 to $7,692.31/year.

- If you compare the above calculations, you come up with the interesting conclusion that the average worker in 1904 did not get 40 hours/week of work year-round.

$0.22 x 40 hours= $8.80 ($169.23 in 2003 dollars)
$8.80 x 52 weeks= $457.60 ($8,800 in 2003 dollars)

So, if the average 1904 worker actually earned only $200-400/year at $0.22/hour, that worker had some unpaid time off each year.

Source: I got the conversion factor of 0.052 from Oregon State University inflation conversion tables at http://oregonstate.edu/Dept/pol_sci/fac/sahr/cf16652014.xls (Why did I use 2003 dollars? Because 2004 isn't over yet. Who knows where Alan Greenspan will let inflation climb or drop to in the last six months of 2004?)

Hey, this is fun. Does LSWDL need a deputy associate assistant researcher?

USELESS FACTS: - Betsy Ross was born with a fully formed set of teeth.
- The only real people to be a Pez head are Betsy Ross, Paul Revere, and Daniel Boone
- A pregnant goldfish is called a twit
- When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home, the stadium becomes the state’s third largest city
- A quarter has 119 ridges around the edge.
- A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.