CBS | Late Show with David Letterman :


	Tonight's Guests: Stephen Colbert, Kristen Stewart, Super Diamond

This Week's Show Recap:

Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri


			Monday, February 02, 2004 Show #2114
			By Michael Z. McIntee	Change Text Color: Black \| White


	Regis Philbin; and The Thrills. PLUS: Dave looks at the Super Bowl; a Top Ten list; Rupert participates in Groundhog Day; Dave pays tribute to Jack Paar; and Biff Henderson at Super Bowl XXXVIII. Dave mentions Jack Paar who passed away last week. Jack hosted the “Tonight Show” from 1957-1962, taking over for Steve Allen and giving way to Johnny Carson. Dave says Jack put his signature on the show and made it the great success it was. Dave’s former director, Hal Gurnee, was also the director for Jack Paar. One evening, Hal and Dave went to Jack’s house for dinner and Dave described it like being on Jack’s Tonight Show. Everything was very nice, very comfortable. Then at around 8:30, they started asking, “Where’s Jack? What happened to Jack?” Dave was told that Jack was tired and went to bed. It’s the way Jack was. When he got tired, he simply went to bed. From all I’ve read about Jack Paar this past week, everything points to a purity and honesty to the man’s work. I wished I had seen him more. I kid you not. Most everyone is familiar with the story of Jack Paar telling an innocent story during his show which contained the term “water closet,” a euphemism for toilet or bathroom. The next day he learned that NBC censored those 4 minutes of the program because of the use of the term. Here now, is that story which NBC censored more than 40 years ago. JACK: “---------.” Did you enjoy the Super Bowl? Dave has footage of one thing you may have missed. During the 2nd half kickoff, a partially nude man dressed in only a g-string and shoes, streaked across the field and pranced around at the 30-yard line. He was promoting a website. We look at the tape and Dave happily anticipates what is about to take place. The streaker begins to run when suddenly, New England Patriots linebacker Matt Chatham levels the guy with a shoulder block. The website was knocked for a loss. Now that’s a virus that really has a kick. And then there was the halftime mayhem which featured Justin Timberlake ripping off the top of Janet Jackson. Heavens! Everyone is in an uproar, and everyone is denying responsibility. Dave loves all the chaos and backpedaling and denying. Everyone is trying to cover their tracks. Dave takes great delight in this. He suggests that next year they should just strut out two people during halftime and let us watch them having sex. It’s what the people want, anyway. BIFF HENDERSON AT SUPER BOWL XXXVIII: Biff and a crew went down to Houston’s Reliant Stadium for the big game. He came back with another enjoyable report. We find Biff mistakenly referring to the Carolina team as the Cougars and not the Panthers. He offers a football fan $10 if he can name 3 Carolina Panthers. He couldn’t. He asks football Hall of Famer Marcus Allen, “Is it hard to root for a team named the Panthers after what that tiger did to Roy?” And “Who do you think Pete Rose is betting on?” Biff does a quick check on fans alcohol level. Who knew former President Bush, Sr. would be so high? We find Johnny Jackass acting like a jackass. And finally, Biff singing “We Are the Champions” with various New England Patriots. Lucky for you, you can check out the entire Biff report on the LATE SHOW website under the Big Show Highlight. Sorry, but I’m not sure of the web address. RUPERT GROUNDHOG: It’s Groundhog Day and earlier today we caught Rupert checking to see if his groundhog saw its shadow. We caught it all on tape. We see Rupert exiting his world renowned Hello Deli. The shot widens to find him carrying a tray of piping hot food. He puts the tray on the sidewalk and we see a large animal cooked to a golden bronze. Looking up at the sun and then back down at his sizzled Groundhog, Rupert says, “Yeah, six more weeks of winter.” In baseball, that is known as a swing and a miss. TOP TEN: Things You Don’t Want To Hear From A Guy at Starbucks: #4. “Grande caramel macchiato? Talk English! #3. “If I catch any of you people going into a Dunkin’ Donuts for coffee, I’ll break your legs.” #2. “Some whipped cream for you . . . and some for me.” (squirts in mouth) REGIS PHILBIN: Dave raves at how well Regis looks but when I watched the show again at home, I realized he was simply complementing his clothes. Regis is back on the “Millionaire” show but now it’s bigger and better. He’s returning to “Super Millionaire” where the top prize is #10 million! Dave asks, “Does somebody actually win $10 million?” Regis scoffs and answers quickly, “I don’t think so.” Regis recently took two and a half weeks off from the Live! With Regis and Kelly program and Dave thinks that is great. Dave thinks The Iron Horse of Television deservers two-and-a-half weeks off. Regis tells Dave that during those weeks they shot some shows at Disneyland, so it was actually part of it was a working vacation. This impresses Dave somewhat, but it begs the question, “Why do the show at Disneyland?” Regis explains that the show is part of the Disney Empire and they like it when the show pays a visit. Regis then suggests the Late Show should go on the road. I immediately screamed out “Hawaii!” Next to me, a staffer yelled out “Barbados!” “Cancun!” screamed out another. With all the screaming going on, I didn’t hear Dave’s response but I don’t think I need to get my suitcase down from the attic. Did Regis watch the Super Bowl? Regis says that he did. He watched the game with Donald Trump down in Florida. Dave wonders aloud, “With Donald Trump? What, did you lose a bet?” Regis explains the Donald is a good friend, a very intelligent man, and a great athlete. And he got to fly back to New York on Donald’s private jet. Gee, see what a few complements can get you? Dave begs Regis to take a walk down Memory Lane, to tell a story from his rich show business past. An eager Dave offers, “Do you have any Frank Sinatra stories?” No, says Regis. “How about Johnny Carson? Do you have any Johnny Carson stories?” Regis doesn’t want to tell it but Dave’s begging becomes too much to bear. Regis says he once went to Johnny’s house with a friend of Dave’s, now the executive producer of The Tony Mendez Show, Peter Lassally. Such a good time was had that Johnny invited them back to the house for dinner. Well, come dinner time, Regis got lost on one of the many California freeways. Circling and wandering for close to an hour, Regis finally got to Johnny’s house 40 minutes late! Imagine that, being late to dinner with Johnny! Dave sits and waits for the big finish then realizes that WAS the big finish. Dave is disappointed. Oh, for a writer’s embellishment at that moment. It was two good segments with Dave and Regis. Fun talk, fun teasing, fun goofing around. ACT 5: Who was the winner in the LATE SHOW Super Bowl Office Pool? None other than Shecky, or as we like to call him around here, Shecky. And what will Shecky do with his $100 winnings? He’s going to buy a hooker! Congratulations, Shecky! Shecky shouldn’t be congratulated for winning the pool. He should be congratulated for finding a New York City hooker who costs $100. THE THRILLS: From their debut CD, So Much For The City, the group from Dublin, Ireland performed “One Horse Town.” Can someone tell me who they remind me of? It’s been kicking around my head all day and I can’t place it. I’m thinking some group, or maybe just the song, from the 60’s or 70’s. And that was our show for Monday February 2, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA! The groundhog saw its shadow this morning. Does that mean 6 more weeks of Super Bowl hype? Monday’s show marks Paul and Dave’s 22nd year on late night television. The two started on February 1, 1982 on LATE NIGHT. The total show count: LATE NIGHT: 1,810. LATE SHOW: 2118. Total: 3,928. 72 more shows till Dave and Paul reach 4000 late night programs. Hey! Maybe I’ll have a contest! So how did you enjoy the big game? Don’t you love the squib kicks? YIKES! From the September 22, 2003 Wahoo Gazette: “I've been wanting to get this off my chest all week. I HATE THE SQUIB KICK! Last Monday night's NFL game saw the Giants take a 3-point lead with 11 seconds left against the Cowboys. The Giants decided to squib the ensuing the kickoff. I screamed at the squib. I hate the squib. Especially with a 3-point lead or less. I've hated it since the late 70's/early 80's when the Giants were terrible and the Washington Redskins were great. The Giants took a late lead and decided to squib the kickoff. The Redskins immediately moved the ball for Mark Moseley to kick the winning field goal. Anyway, I'm sure you know the rest of the Giant/Cowboy story. The Cowboys tied the game following the squib kick and then won in overtime. Although I'm a big Giants fan, I rooted for the Cowboys to win the game following the squib in hopes that this would kill the idea of ever squibbing again.” There were18 seconds left until halftime in the Sunday’s Super Bowl. The Patriots are kicking off after taking a 14-7 lead. What do they do? The purposely squib the kickoff. Carolina runs it back to the 46-yard line. One running play later the Panthers are at the Patriots 33-yard line and are in position to kick a field goal. And they make it. All over America, people who had the Patriots 4- Panthers 7 box in the office and bar pool are cursing the idiot decision to squib. And perhaps more important, it could have cost the New England Patriots the championship. And to finish the game, just after the Panthers tied the game, their kickoff went out of bounds. The Patriots got the ball at the 40 and 6 plays later, their kicker kicks the winning field goal with 4 seconds remaining. NOTE TO ALL FOOTBALL TEAMS THE WORLD OVER: Don’t use the squib. It’ll kill you. I read today that the Panthers’ kicker was supposed to kick it far and straight in the last minute of the game. He just flubbed it and it went out of bounds. In that case, although painful, it’s forgivable. Now for some happy news: I had the Patriots 4 – Panthers 0 box. Because of the squib kick, I won the halftime and 3rd quarter. Yee-ha! But I still hate the squib. I thought CBS did a very good job on keeping the camera on the game, though I saw two things that bothered me. 1. Mid 2nd quarter. It’s 3rd and an inch for the Patriots. We get a shot of the coaches, Belichick and Fox. The camera goes back to QB Brady, but too late. The play is already being run, which is a quarterback sneak. (They don’t get it) CBS should have been on Brady before the snap because two weeks ago in a similar situation, Brady went on a quick count for the short yardage. He did the same here. I was aware of the quick count possibility. CBS should have been, too. 2. The second thing that bothered me came soon afterwards. During a measurement for a first down, we get a shot of the Patriots owner sitting in his luxury box. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THE OWNER! Later in the game IMMEDIATELY following a Patriot touchdown, we get another shot of the owner. I wonder, did you say to yourself just before that moment, “Gee, I wonder how the Patriots owner is reacting to the touchdown?” No, I didn’t think so. This was the last we saw of him until much later in the game. I think someone must have gotten slapped and told to knock it off. Later when the Carolina Panthers scored a go-ahead touchdown, CBS showed the Panther owner . . . on TAPE! YES! That’s the way to do it! If you feel the need to show a non-participant’s reaction to a go-ahead touchdown, save it for a taped replay long after the play. Did you see the 4 CBS commentators during the Super Bowl, Boomer Esiason, Deion Sanders, Dan Marino, and Jim Nantz? Did you see what I saw? The two guys on the left had their handsfree microphone on the left side of their face and the two guys on the right had their handsfree microphone on the right side of their face, making the microphone less conspicuous. Coincidence? I don’t think so. Hopefully the FOX people make the change next year. Things I learned watching the Super Bowl: - Every play does not require a replay - Nelly is a guy Here’s something for Tom Brady. It’ll make him a better quarterback. Late in the game, the Patriots score a touchdown to go up by one point. The Pats decide to go for the two-point conversion. In somewhat of a trick play, the center snaps the ball directly to the running back instead of to QB Tom Brady. The running back runs up the middle and scores the two points. While the running back was receiving the ball, Tom Brady pretended to reach for a high snap, one that wasn’t coming to him at all. It was to draw the attention of the defense to him. This is what I would have done if I were Tom Brady. I would pretend it was a LOW snap. With a high snap, the defense can clearly see there is no ball. With a fake low snap, the defenders (linebackers) wouldn’t be able to see the ball and would believe it actually was a low snap. And that’s how I play, “If I Ruled the World!” Kick it straight. Kick it far. And now two stories about the Super Bowl: I’m watching the game at a bar and it’s late in the 2nd quarter. The Patriots score a touchdown with 18 seconds left to take a 14-7 lead. The guy sitting next to me jumps off his bar stool because he has the Patriot 4 – Panther 7 box in his Super Bowl pool, earning him $3000. He quickly calls his buddy whom he shares the box and they both rejoice over the phone. “$3000! Can you believe it! $3000!” Meanwhile, I notice the Patriots squib the ensuing kick. The guy is still gleeful as could be, gabbing away with his friend. The Panthers run a draw play good for 21 yards. They are now at the 33 yard line. Now I’m not watching the game at all. I’m watching the guy who thinks he just won $3000. He still hasn’t looked up at the game. I get up to tell him what’s happening but decide it would be more fun to see him discover it on his own. I look up at the game and see the Panthers field goal team lining up for the field goal. I look down at the guy who just won $3000. He hangs up the phone with the biggest grin on his face. He looks up at the TV. He looks again. Then again. Then again. Then again. It was the first quintuple-take I have ever seen. He asks in disbelief, “What’s going on? What’s . . .” He can’t speak. His is dumbfounded. The snap – the kick – it’s good! Score: 14-10. “What the ‘givl’ happened?” he asks, more sadness in his voice than anger. I’m happy because I won my halftime pool and happy because I witnessed such priceless human drama take place three feet away. It was wonderful to see. If I hadn’t won, I would have felt sorry for him. I decide to leave the bar at the half to go to another bar across the street. As I walk out, I see an old old friend screaming into his phone with intense anger. I try to ignore him, figuring he doesn’t want to see anyone at this time. He grabs me and tells me what just happened. He had bet the “Under” for the first half. With 3 minutes left in the first half, the score was 0-0. In the final 3 minutes, 24 points were scored. The over-under line was 22. He lost. He lost on the field goal and the squib. He goes back to his phone call and waves me away. It’s the first I’ve seen him in 5 years. My take on the Janet Jackson thing: Years back when Rosanne Barr Arnold sang the national anthem at a San Diego Padre baseball game, at the end of the song she spat and yanked at her crotch. People were outraged, including those who hired her. But it’s THOSE people who hired her who are responsible. Spatting and yanking at your crotch is something Rosanne does. It comes with the package. Prancing around half-naked and sexually harassing, molesting and assaulting women is something MTV does. It’s part of their package. When NFL football let CBS and MTV produce the halftime show, the NFL was responsible for what came off (no pun intended --- no, I change my mind. I did intend that pun.) The worse thing that’ll come of all this: Next year it will be back to “Up With People.” Yeesh. You know what I want? I’d be more than happy with a halftime of a college marching band making design formations while playing “When the Saints Go Marching In.” How could this happen? CBS, MTV, and the NFL wants to know. But it’s been heading in this direction for years. It was inevitable. It’s like sitting in a vat of water and someone turns up the temperature one degree a day. Eventually you’re going to boil. “But we only turned it up one degree from yesterday!” will be the defense. Yes, the canary has long since died. And it’s not the exposed breast that I’m bothered by. It’s the way it was exposed. If it just plopped out, no big deal. But it was exposed by the actions of Justin Timberlake, a “celebrity” I’m told. Do this on the street to an unsuspecting person, the role played by Janet Jackson, and you would be arrested. Here on the most watched program of the year, not only did the perpetrator go unpunished, he was celebrated. AND, AND, AND, it’s Janet Jackson, the supposed VICTIM who gets trashed by the media the next day, as if it were her fault. Barely a word about Justin. Of course, the whole thing was staged but the “performance” made it appear like an assault and the assaulted was blamed. Am I making too much about this? Probably, but when you are a dad to 8-year-old girls you tend to view such things a wee bit different. Oh, one last thing. With 4 seconds left in the game, couldn’t the Carolina Panthers come up with something a little more creative for their final kickoff return? Did you see the James Brown mug shot? I thought it was the Nick Nolte negative. How did New England fans celebrate the championship? By rioting in the streets, overturning cars, and running somebody over with an SUV. Oh, why can’t all fans behave like New York fans? Regis Philbin; and The Thrills. PLUS: Dave looks at the Super Bowl; a Top Ten list; Rupert participates in Groundhog Day; Dave pays tribute to Jack Paar; and Biff Henderson at Super Bowl XXXVIII. Dave mentions Jack Paar who passed away last week. Jack hosted the “Tonight Show” from 1957-1962, taking over for Steve Allen and giving way to Johnny Carson. Dave says Jack put his signature on the show and made it the great success it was. Dave’s former director, Hal Gurnee, was also the director for Jack Paar. One evening, Hal and Dave went to Jack’s house for dinner and Dave described it like being on Jack’s Tonight Show. Everything was very nice, very comfortable. Then at around 8:30, they started asking, “Where’s Jack? What happened to Jack?” Dave was told that Jack was tired and went to bed. It’s the way Jack was. When he got tired, he simply went to bed. From all I’ve read about Jack Paar this past week, everything points to a purity and honesty to the man’s work. I wished I had seen him more. I kid you not. Most everyone is familiar with the story of Jack Paar telling an innocent story during his show which contained the term “water closet,” a euphemism for toilet or bathroom. The next day he learned that NBC censored those 4 minutes of the program because of the use of the term. Here now, is that story which NBC censored more than 40 years ago. JACK: “---------.” Did you enjoy the Super Bowl? Dave has footage of one thing you may have missed. During the 2nd half kickoff, a partially nude man dressed in only a g-string and shoes, streaked across the field and pranced around at the 30-yard line. He was promoting a website. We look at the tape and Dave happily anticipates what is about to take place. The streaker begins to run when suddenly, New England Patriots linebacker Matt Chatham levels the guy with a shoulder block. The website was knocked for a loss. Now that’s a virus that really has a kick. And then there was the halftime mayhem which featured Justin Timberlake ripping off the top of Janet Jackson. Heavens! Everyone is in an uproar, and everyone is denying responsibility. Dave loves all the chaos and backpedaling and denying. Everyone is trying to cover their tracks. Dave takes great delight in this. He suggests that next year they should just strut out two people during halftime and let us watch them having sex. It’s what the people want, anyway. BIFF HENDERSON AT SUPER BOWL XXXVIII: Biff and a crew went down to Houston’s Reliant Stadium for the big game. He came back with another enjoyable report. We find Biff mistakenly referring to the Carolina team as the Cougars and not the Panthers. He offers a football fan $10 if he can name 3 Carolina Panthers. He couldn’t. He asks football Hall of Famer Marcus Allen, “Is it hard to root for a team named the Panthers after what that tiger did to Roy?” And “Who do you think Pete Rose is betting on?” Biff does a quick check on fans alcohol level. Who knew former President Bush, Sr. would be so high? We find Johnny Jackass acting like a jackass. And finally, Biff singing “We Are the Champions” with various New England Patriots. Lucky for you, you can check out the entire Biff report on the LATE SHOW website under the Big Show Highlight. Sorry, but I’m not sure of the web address. RUPERT GROUNDHOG: It’s Groundhog Day and earlier today we caught Rupert checking to see if his groundhog saw its shadow. We caught it all on tape. We see Rupert exiting his world renowned Hello Deli. The shot widens to find him carrying a tray of piping hot food. He puts the tray on the sidewalk and we see a large animal cooked to a golden bronze. Looking up at the sun and then back down at his sizzled Groundhog, Rupert says, “Yeah, six more weeks of winter.” In baseball, that is known as a swing and a miss. TOP TEN: Things You Don’t Want To Hear From A Guy at Starbucks: #4. “Grande caramel macchiato? Talk English! #3. “If I catch any of you people going into a Dunkin’ Donuts for coffee, I’ll break your legs.” #2. “Some whipped cream for you . . . and some for me.” (squirts in mouth) REGIS PHILBIN: Dave raves at how well Regis looks but when I watched the show again at home, I realized he was simply complementing his clothes. Regis is back on the “Millionaire” show but now it’s bigger and better. He’s returning to “Super Millionaire” where the top prize is #10 million! Dave asks, “Does somebody actually win $10 million?” Regis scoffs and answers quickly, “I don’t think so.” Regis recently took two and a half weeks off from the Live! With Regis and Kelly program and Dave thinks that is great. Dave thinks The Iron Horse of Television deservers two-and-a-half weeks off. Regis tells Dave that during those weeks they shot some shows at Disneyland, so it was actually part of it was a working vacation. This impresses Dave somewhat, but it begs the question, “Why do the show at Disneyland?” Regis explains that the show is part of the Disney Empire and they like it when the show pays a visit. Regis then suggests the Late Show should go on the road. I immediately screamed out “Hawaii!” Next to me, a staffer yelled out “Barbados!” “Cancun!” screamed out another. With all the screaming going on, I didn’t hear Dave’s response but I don’t think I need to get my suitcase down from the attic. Did Regis watch the Super Bowl? Regis says that he did. He watched the game with Donald Trump down in Florida. Dave wonders aloud, “With Donald Trump? What, did you lose a bet?” Regis explains the Donald is a good friend, a very intelligent man, and a great athlete. And he got to fly back to New York on Donald’s private jet. Gee, see what a few complements can get you? Dave begs Regis to take a walk down Memory Lane, to tell a story from his rich show business past. An eager Dave offers, “Do you have any Frank Sinatra stories?” No, says Regis. “How about Johnny Carson? Do you have any Johnny Carson stories?” Regis doesn’t want to tell it but Dave’s begging becomes too much to bear. Regis says he once went to Johnny’s house with a friend of Dave’s, now the executive producer of The Tony Mendez Show, Peter Lassally. Such a good time was had that Johnny invited them back to the house for dinner. Well, come dinner time, Regis got lost on one of the many California freeways. Circling and wandering for close to an hour, Regis finally got to Johnny’s house 40 minutes late! Imagine that, being late to dinner with Johnny! Dave sits and waits for the big finish then realizes that WAS the big finish. Dave is disappointed. Oh, for a writer’s embellishment at that moment. It was two good segments with Dave and Regis. Fun talk, fun teasing, fun goofing around. ACT 5: Who was the winner in the LATE SHOW Super Bowl Office Pool? None other than Shecky, or as we like to call him around here, Shecky. And what will Shecky do with his $100 winnings? He’s going to buy a hooker! Congratulations, Shecky! Shecky shouldn’t be congratulated for winning the pool. He should be congratulated for finding a New York City hooker who costs $100. THE THRILLS: From their debut CD, So Much For The City, the group from Dublin, Ireland performed “One Horse Town.” Can someone tell me who they remind me of? It’s been kicking around my head all day and I can’t place it. I’m thinking some group, or maybe just the song, from the 60’s or 70’s. And that was our show for Monday February 2, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA! The groundhog saw its shadow this morning. Does that mean 6 more weeks of Super Bowl hype? Monday’s show marks Paul and Dave’s 22nd year on late night television. The two started on February 1, 1982 on LATE NIGHT. The total show count: LATE NIGHT: 1,810. LATE SHOW: 2118. Total: 3,928. 72 more shows till Dave and Paul reach 4000 late night programs. Hey! Maybe I’ll have a contest! So how did you enjoy the big game? Don’t you love the squib kicks? YIKES! From the September 22, 2003 Wahoo Gazette: “I've been wanting to get this off my chest all week. I HATE THE SQUIB KICK! Last Monday night's NFL game saw the Giants take a 3-point lead with 11 seconds left against the Cowboys. The Giants decided to squib the ensuing the kickoff. I screamed at the squib. I hate the squib. Especially with a 3-point lead or less. I've hated it since the late 70's/early 80's when the Giants were terrible and the Washington Redskins were great. The Giants took a late lead and decided to squib the kickoff. The Redskins immediately moved the ball for Mark Moseley to kick the winning field goal. Anyway, I'm sure you know the rest of the Giant/Cowboy story. The Cowboys tied the game following the squib kick and then won in overtime. Although I'm a big Giants fan, I rooted for the Cowboys to win the game following the squib in hopes that this would kill the idea of ever squibbing again.” There were18 seconds left until halftime in the Sunday’s Super Bowl. The Patriots are kicking off after taking a 14-7 lead. What do they do? The purposely squib the kickoff. Carolina runs it back to the 46-yard line. One running play later the Panthers are at the Patriots 33-yard line and are in position to kick a field goal. And they make it. All over America, people who had the Patriots 4- Panthers 7 box in the office and bar pool are cursing the idiot decision to squib. And perhaps more important, it could have cost the New England Patriots the championship. And to finish the game, just after the Panthers tied the game, their kickoff went out of bounds. The Patriots got the ball at the 40 and 6 plays later, their kicker kicks the winning field goal with 4 seconds remaining. NOTE TO ALL FOOTBALL TEAMS THE WORLD OVER: Don’t use the squib. It’ll kill you. I read today that the Panthers’ kicker was supposed to kick it far and straight in the last minute of the game. He just flubbed it and it went out of bounds. In that case, although painful, it’s forgivable. Now for some happy news: I had the Patriots 4 – Panthers 0 box. Because of the squib kick, I won the halftime and 3rd quarter. Yee-ha! But I still hate the squib. I thought CBS did a very good job on keeping the camera on the game, though I saw two things that bothered me. 1. Mid 2nd quarter. It’s 3rd and an inch for the Patriots. We get a shot of the coaches, Belichick and Fox. The camera goes back to QB Brady, but too late. The play is already being run, which is a quarterback sneak. (They don’t get it) CBS should have been on Brady before the snap because two weeks ago in a similar situation, Brady went on a quick count for the short yardage. He did the same here. I was aware of the quick count possibility. CBS should have been, too. 2. The second thing that bothered me came soon afterwards. During a measurement for a first down, we get a shot of the Patriots owner sitting in his luxury box. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THE OWNER! Later in the game IMMEDIATELY following a Patriot touchdown, we get another shot of the owner. I wonder, did you say to yourself just before that moment, “Gee, I wonder how the Patriots owner is reacting to the touchdown?” No, I didn’t think so. This was the last we saw of him until much later in the game. I think someone must have gotten slapped and told to knock it off. Later when the Carolina Panthers scored a go-ahead touchdown, CBS showed the Panther owner . . . on TAPE! YES! That’s the way to do it! If you feel the need to show a non-participant’s reaction to a go-ahead touchdown, save it for a taped replay long after the play. Did you see the 4 CBS commentators during the Super Bowl, Boomer Esiason, Deion Sanders, Dan Marino, and Jim Nantz? Did you see what I saw? The two guys on the left had their handsfree microphone on the left side of their face and the two guys on the right had their handsfree microphone on the right side of their face, making the microphone less conspicuous. Coincidence? I don’t think so. Hopefully the FOX people make the change next year. Things I learned watching the Super Bowl: - Every play does not require a replay - Nelly is a guy Here’s something for Tom Brady. It’ll make him a better quarterback. Late in the game, the Patriots score a touchdown to go up by one point. The Pats decide to go for the two-point conversion. In somewhat of a trick play, the center snaps the ball directly to the running back instead of to QB Tom Brady. The running back runs up the middle and scores the two points. While the running back was receiving the ball, Tom Brady pretended to reach for a high snap, one that wasn’t coming to him at all. It was to draw the attention of the defense to him. This is what I would have done if I were Tom Brady. I would pretend it was a LOW snap. With a high snap, the defense can clearly see there is no ball. With a fake low snap, the defenders (linebackers) wouldn’t be able to see the ball and would believe it actually was a low snap. And that’s how I play, “If I Ruled the World!” Kick it straight. Kick it far. And now two stories about the Super Bowl: I’m watching the game at a bar and it’s late in the 2nd quarter. The Patriots score a touchdown with 18 seconds left to take a 14-7 lead. The guy sitting next to me jumps off his bar stool because he has the Patriot 4 – Panther 7 box in his Super Bowl pool, earning him $3000. He quickly calls his buddy whom he shares the box and they both rejoice over the phone. “$3000! Can you believe it! $3000!” Meanwhile, I notice the Patriots squib the ensuing kick. The guy is still gleeful as could be, gabbing away with his friend. The Panthers run a draw play good for 21 yards. They are now at the 33 yard line. Now I’m not watching the game at all. I’m watching the guy who thinks he just won $3000. He still hasn’t looked up at the game. I get up to tell him what’s happening but decide it would be more fun to see him discover it on his own. I look up at the game and see the Panthers field goal team lining up for the field goal. I look down at the guy who just won $3000. He hangs up the phone with the biggest grin on his face. He looks up at the TV. He looks again. Then again. Then again. Then again. It was the first quintuple-take I have ever seen. He asks in disbelief, “What’s going on? What’s . . .” He can’t speak. His is dumbfounded. The snap – the kick – it’s good! Score: 14-10. “What the ‘givl’ happened?” he asks, more sadness in his voice than anger. I’m happy because I won my halftime pool and happy because I witnessed such priceless human drama take place three feet away. It was wonderful to see. If I hadn’t won, I would have felt sorry for him. I decide to leave the bar at the half to go to another bar across the street. As I walk out, I see an old old friend screaming into his phone with intense anger. I try to ignore him, figuring he doesn’t want to see anyone at this time. He grabs me and tells me what just happened. He had bet the “Under” for the first half. With 3 minutes left in the first half, the score was 0-0. In the final 3 minutes, 24 points were scored. The over-under line was 22. He lost. He lost on the field goal and the squib. He goes back to his phone call and waves me away. It’s the first I’ve seen him in 5 years. My take on the Janet Jackson thing: Years back when Rosanne Barr Arnold sang the national anthem at a San Diego Padre baseball game, at the end of the song she spat and yanked at her crotch. People were outraged, including those who hired her. But it’s THOSE people who hired her who are responsible. Spatting and yanking at your crotch is something Rosanne does. It comes with the package. Prancing around half-naked and sexually harassing, molesting and assaulting women is something MTV does. It’s part of their package. When NFL football let CBS and MTV produce the halftime show, the NFL was responsible for what came off (no pun intended --- no, I change my mind. I did intend that pun.) The worse thing that’ll come of all this: Next year it will be back to “Up With People.” Yeesh. You know what I want? I’d be more than happy with a halftime of a college marching band making design formations while playing “When the Saints Go Marching In.” How could this happen? CBS, MTV, and the NFL wants to know. But it’s been heading in this direction for years. It was inevitable. It’s like sitting in a vat of water and someone turns up the temperature one degree a day. Eventually you’re going to boil. “But we only turned it up one degree from yesterday!” will be the defense. Yes, the canary has long since died. And it’s not the exposed breast that I’m bothered by. It’s the way it was exposed. If it just plopped out, no big deal. But it was exposed by the actions of Justin Timberlake, a “celebrity” I’m told. Do this on the street to an unsuspecting person, the role played by Janet Jackson, and you would be arrested. Here on the most watched program of the year, not only did the perpetrator go unpunished, he was celebrated. AND, AND, AND, it’s Janet Jackson, the supposed VICTIM who gets trashed by the media the next day, as if it were her fault. Barely a word about Justin. Of course, the whole thing was staged but the “performance” made it appear like an assault and the assaulted was blamed. Am I making too much about this? Probably, but when you are a dad to 8-year-old girls you tend to view such things a wee bit different. Oh, one last thing. With 4 seconds left in the game, couldn’t the Carolina Panthers come up with something a little more creative for their final kickoff return? Did you see the James Brown mug shot? I thought it was the Nick Nolte negative. How did New England fans celebrate the championship? By rioting in the streets, overturning cars, and running somebody over with an SUV. Oh, why can’t all fans behave like New York fans?


			Contact Michael

Send to a friend

Advertisement