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Monday, October 06, 2008

Top Ten Ways to Make the Financial Crisis More Fun
 Top Ten   
Take a page from President Bush and ignore it
When Dow Jones drops more than 800 points, every American gets free mozzarella stix at Applebee's
Replace Lehman Brothers with the Wayans Brothers
File for bankruptcy three times and the fourth one is free!
Invest half your portfolio in liquor, the other half in strippers
Goodbye repo men, hello repo monkeys
Don't call it a "bailout" or a "rescue," call it a "fun-nancial crisis"
Put it all on Ball State and give the 16 points
Enjoy blank stare when Katie Couric asks Sarah Palin what "FDIC" stands for
Hire O.J. and his goons to steal back your money
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Instead of brokers, all trades must now be placed through talking chihuahuas

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More fun? How could it possibly be more fun?

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Have financially-strapped executives compete for bailout funds by appearing on a special edition of "Wheel of Fortune"

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Shread your worthless stock certificates and have a ticker-tape parade

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Get Tina Fey to do an impression of Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson

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