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Monday, October 23, 2006

Top Ten Signs A Baseball Player Is Cheating
  
Tested positive for uranium
Always asking fans for clean urine
After each win, receives congratulatory phone call from Balco founder Victor Conte
Name on back of his uniform is "Bonds"
You can find him in the club house corking himself
Distracts opponents by throwing out the frozen head of Ted Williams
Somehow got 3 RBI's during the seventh-inning stretch
You haven't seen someone with that much Vaseline on them since the last Paris Hilton video
Pete Rose called him a disgrace to the game
His nickname is "Needle Ass"
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His glove is the size of a loveseat

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Pitcher has an extra rosin bag hidden in his mouth

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Post game, he sticks around to give the fans autographed syringes

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Easily steals bases thanks to his handy Taser

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His fastball clocks in at just under 400 miles an hour

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Between at bats, he hides a bottle of pills in the mascot's giant head

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