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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Top Ten Signs You've Hired A Bad Easter Bunny
  
Shows up wearing the costume head and nothing else.
Reeks of tequila and Easter egg dye.
Immediately asks if he can have Easter off.
Refuses to hop because it aggravates his double hernia.
For an extra 20 bucks, parents can buy an ounce of his special "Easter grass".
Only gives the kids candy after they attend his presentation on the time-share condos.
Keeps muttering something about "infidels" and "jihad".
Costume is made from animal skin he scraped off the interstate.
Habitually licks and grooms himself.
The enormous ears? Steroids.
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Costume hasn't been dry-cleaned since 1981.

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His brightly-colored eggs set off Geiger counters.

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Those ain't chocolate eggs he's leaving everywhere.

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Keeps hopping down the "bunny trail" to the liquor store.

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Tells kids "Happy Halloween or whatever the hell it is"

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Waits too long to rent a bunny costume, shows up in a purple dinosaur suit.

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