DAVETV If you could look at only one thing on the Internet, DaveTV would be the obvious choice. What other so-called "website" lets you watch LATE SHOW Highlights, Comedy Clips, Slideshows, Stupid Trick clips and The Tony Mendez Show?
TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
TOP TEN CONTEST So you think you're as funny as Dave's writers? Or maybe you just enjoy wasting time at work? See if you've got the chops to win a great prize in our weekly Top Ten Contest.
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WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Monday, October 18, 2004
Top Ten Bad Things About Being Named Martha Stewart presented
by Martha Stewart from Montclair, New Jersey
Everybody expects you to be able to make crazy stuff out
of pine cones.
When people ask for your favorite stuffing recipe, they
get mad when you hand them a box of Stove Top.
If someone says, "It;s a good thing" to me one
more time I'm gonna break his leg.
Every day at my house it's subpoenas, subpoenas, subpoenas.
Seeing my name plastered over all that cheap K-mart junk.
Everybody thinks you should smell like lilac.
I once got a $12,000 bill for tarragon.
People keep asking me if I've shivved my first snitch yet.
When it comes to making oatmeal raisin cookies, the bar is
set pretty high.
The drunken 4 am calls from Letterman.
·
Unless I use a fake name, I can almost guarantee the
delivery guy will spit on my pizza
·
Because of the real Martha's popularity, I had to settle
for the vanity plate "NARTHA"
·
Sometimes I mistakenly receive a check for some of her
illicit stock profits
·
I sold a bunch of yard sale crap on eBay for a fortune
because it belonged to Martha Stewart
·
I've been interrogated on her fraud charges, and she's
been interrogated about those drifters I killed in Boise
Katie Couric Post-Palin For the first time, Katie Couric discusses her interview with Sarah Palin.
