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TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
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TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Monday, July 26, 2004
Top Ten Signs Your Convention Speech Is Boring
You begin by thanking all 4,353 delegates by name
Your only applause comes when your microphone stops working
You've got the coveted 5:30am slot
Halfway through the speech, workmen begin dismantling the podium
You tried to punch it up by asking Joe Lieberman for some
of his priceless quips
Every other sentence begins with "So anyway..."
The ghost of Harry Truman is giving you the "wrap it
up" signal
Networks cut away to live coverage of delegates smoking on
the sidewalk
Teresa Heinz Kerry gets a standing ovation when she tells
you to "shove it"
You're described as a duller Al Gore
·
Your speech ends when you doze off
·
You're described as "like Alan Greenspan, but without
the charisma"
·
President Bush calls with an offer to concede if you'll
just shut up
·
Chant rises from the delegates: "Four more seconds!
Four more seconds!"
·
It's mainly devoted to the continuity errors between
"Spider-Man" and "Spider-Man 2"
·
You've already been uninvited to the 2008 convention
Katie Couric Post-Palin For the first time, Katie Couric discusses her interview with Sarah Palin.
