DAVETV If you could look at only one thing on the Internet, DaveTV would be the obvious choice. What other so-called "website" lets you watch LATE SHOW Highlights, Comedy Clips, Slideshows, Stupid Trick clips and The Tony Mendez Show?
TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
TOP TEN CONTEST So you think you're as funny as Dave's writers? Or maybe you just enjoy wasting time at work? See if you've got the chops to win a great prize in our weekly Top Ten Contest.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
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WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Thursday, April 15, 2004
Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your Accountant
"Listen, I'm not good with math"
"The good news is you're getting a huge refund -- the
bad news is you'll have to hide in Costa Rica for a while"
"I'll gladly waive my fee for a night with your wife"
"Hey, get me a drink!"
"Do you have any dedemptions or exuptions or whatever?"
"Relax, everything here will be fine -- I used to
work for Enron"
"Screw the computer -- I do all my work on an Etch-A-Sketch"
"What's your rush? The deadline is June 15th, right?"
"You can't claim yourself as your own spouse"
"I was late filling your return so I could appear on Letterman"
·
"For legal reasons, we should probably take a few
minutes to get our stories straight"
·
"See you in six months for the audit"
·
"I'm allergic to ink, so I'm going to fill out your
form in my own blood"
·
"If only there was a machine that could add numbers
for you"
·
"Would you mind if I list my imaginary friend Curtis
as one of your dependents?"
·
"I have this little quirk where I can only fill out
tax forms if I'm naked"
·
"Isn't White-Out delicious?"
·
"Your paperwork might say 1040-ES, but that dress
says 1040-EZ"
·
"If the IRS calls, you've never heard of me, okay?"
·
"What do you call that squiggly number between 7 and 9?"
·
"Mininum-security federal prisons are actually pretty
nice -- just ask my other clients"
·
"Are you cool with tax evasion?"
·
"If I go down, I'm taking you with me"
Kevin James Weighs In Funny guy Kevin James talks about his efforts to lose pounds.
